tough first 3 weeks - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 10 Old 09-09-2006, 01:49 PM - Thread Starter
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I miss you guys!

Erin is growing well & a perfect BFer. She is also a baby that apparently doesn't need much sleep, wants to be held all of the time, & cries a lot.

I have had a hard time... mastitis on day 5 (?) that totally knocked me down for several days. For the last week I've been battling thrush (OUCH!). Have been really REALLY teary at times... if DH & my mom weren't so much help... I don't know what I'd do. :

I did such a great job keeping an open mind about pregnancy & birth (& had such a great birth), but I think since DH & I are such go-with-the-flow / mellow people, I assumed we'd have this really chill baby. ACK! I definitely have not spent the last 3 weeks blissed out on prolactin of whatever the saying is!!! So I think I've been doing a little mourning for the post-partum experience that was not to be.

It's hard for me to get to the computer, but I really miss the comraderie w/ y'all.
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#2 of 10 Old 09-09-2006, 06:17 PM
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hugs: Jen! My dd was very much like that. As she was my first, I really didn't know what to expect/do with her and my mom had surgery for breast cancer 2 days after she was born. I was a stress case and my dd picked up on that. I also decided that noone ever told me that breast feeding is one of the hardest things you do. I had very sore/cracking nipples with her and it took a sheer act of will power to let her latch on when she was ready to eat. And the postpartum hormonal shifts are a B*%#@!

So sorry you are having such a tough time! Some great advice I got when dd was born was that babies get easier in 2 week increments, and that you should do whatever you have to do to survive the first 3 months. My concession to that was a pacifier - I had sworn I wouldn't use one, but 2 weeks into her life in exhaustion because I knew she wasn't hungry, she just wanted to be attached to my nipple 24/7 - I broke down and gave her the paci. She still has it, but it gave me some much needed peace and made her VERY happy. All of a sudden she was eating every 3 hours, and sleeping much better at night.

Keep your chin up - it does get better! Try to get out of the house everyday - take a walk and do something for you. With or without the baby!
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#3 of 10 Old 09-09-2006, 06:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Sailmom
Some great advice I got when dd was born was that babies get easier in 2 week increments, and that you should do whatever you have to do to survive the first 3 months.

With DD#1 I always said she just hated the world and wanted to be back in the womb! Have you ever heard of the "fourth trimester"? Well, she had that BAD. By three months, though, things got much, much better. That may seem a long ways away right now, but trust me, you'll get there faster than you think.

Are there any mamas groups where you are that you can join? It was so helpful to me to take her to a class called First Weeks and it was all new mamas of babes under 12 weeks old. We would all just sit there and nod our heads in agreement every time someone spoke. It at least feels better to know that so many other mamas are going through it, too.

HUGS mama!
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#4 of 10 Old 09-09-2006, 06:46 PM
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Hugs mama. It will get easier.

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

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#5 of 10 Old 09-09-2006, 07:55 PM
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I know how you're feeling! Having a newborn is extremely tough, and for a lot of people it's not a fun, exciting time. It's not for me. I love my baby, and I'm glad I have him, but I'm also just exhausted and emotionally drained. It doesn't help that my husband had to go on a business trip either.

Everybody says that it gets easier, and time goes by fast, and to an extent it does. But I also know that when you're right in the middle of it, the days can drag on and it doesn't feel like it'll ever get better. I just try to take it a day at a time, and live with it the best I can.

I'm probably not helping, but just know that you're not alone!
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#6 of 10 Old 09-09-2006, 09:11 PM
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Mmmm, we have babies that must be related by spirit.

I think that they get easier in 2w chunks too. I take it day by day and it gets better every week I get through. I have never ever had a good post-partum experience... so I am not fooled - but I DO keep wishing for it.

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#7 of 10 Old 09-10-2006, 01:41 AM
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It's not easy. My first baby was relatively easy and it was still really, really hard...keep in mind some of it is hormones, and some of it is adjusting to an entirely new way of life. I know I sat on the couch and just cried and cried most afternoons for several weeks just wondering what I had done to my life that now I had someone utterly dependent on me, and someone who wasn't overly happy to be with me a lot of the time to boot. And honestly, a lot of bonding doesn't always happen when your baby is so young...they're not doing a whole lot, you're not rewarded for your hard work with smiles or gratitude, you deal with stressful, painful stuff like mastitis on Day 5. I think we as mom's do each other a disservice not talking about the darker side. I feel bad that you expected a blissed out PP experience...not that people don't have them but the majority of people I know (even the mellow, laid back ones! ) didn't either.

It definitely gets easier. Just take your time getting to know this little person and don't put so much pressure on yourself to fall in love with her, although I'm sure you are already. It will just grow and grow and you will be amazed. I really feel like I'm more cut out to be a toddler mom than an infant one...when my daughter started to talk and walk and give unsolicited hugs and kisses, that really sealed the deal. It's hard to love a little creature where you give and give and give and all they give back in return is vomit and crying, even if you did give birth to them! I hope what I'm saying doesn't sound callous, and I definitely did enjoy the early days with my first daughter too, but like you it was much more difficult than I expected.

Can I give you some hope? The second time around has been SOOOOOO much easier. It helps that Eliana is pretty much a dream baby, but we are so relaxed this time, and I only really had PP blues for a couple of days. This time I really do feel like I'm getting to have the blissed out babymoon. I worried I would feel overwhelmed or touched out when the new baby came but the truth is I feel so complete having my arms full all day long. (because of course they don't sleep at the same time ) I stare at both of my girls and just feel so incredibly blessed and lucky to have them. Everything feels right and perfect with the world. I really think it's because I'm already a mom. The adjustment period is tough with your first, but when you're just adding a child it's not as drastic of a lifestyle change. Your whole world is completely reprioritized now, and don't discount the feelings you might have about it.

of course I could be waaayyy off base here, so either way I hope you're feeling better soon!

mama to 3 girls: Abigail 2.12.05, Eliana 8.26.06, Willa 1.9.09
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#8 of 10 Old 09-10-2006, 01:44 AM
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Nate tricked me by sleeping so much the first few weeks, so I thought he was going to be an easy baby. He may be easier than #2 (he was AWFUL, 12 hours of colic crying each day), but he cries when anyone else holds him, often cries even when I hold him, won't take a paci, and I've even tried pumping a bottle of milk but he won't take it.

But I shouldn't complain. I've had mastitis with my first and that absolutely sucked. I'm literally too busy to be depressed, so I guess that's a good thing. I'm getting enough sleep. And if I run around like a crazy person every time he's asleep I can manage to stay on top of the laundry/diapers, dishes, cooking. But of course the messy house is insane. My husband just DOES NOT see a mess and pick it up, and it's more like following around a teenager picking up his messes most of the time.

There is definitely a fourth trimester for me. By 3 months old my babies finally become more interesting to me, and aren't so difficult and fussy all the time. Thank goodness they're cute!

milk donation : mother to Ryan (6), AJ (5), Nate (2), Maia (1) all born at home, I have a kid-friendly food & bento blog, : :
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#9 of 10 Old 09-10-2006, 04:42 AM
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(((hugs))) Hang in there. My dd was such a hard baby. She would sleep 15min (in my arms) then be awake and screaming for 3-4hrs. It was horrible. This baby is easier, but still I feel like I'm so tied to him. I never get a break. He does lots of random crying in the middle of the night for a couple hours at a time. It is so frustrating. Then I feel like I sleep all day and neglect my dd. I love my baby, but I can't wait to sleep in my bed with my dh all night again.
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#10 of 10 Old 09-10-2006, 07:04 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks so much for commiserating w/ me & the great advice mamas! I feel bad cause I wrote this before I read the "Confessions..." thread & realized that just about everyone else is in the same boat!!!

I sure take my hat off to all of you w/ toddlers too!!!
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