How are YOU doing? I know I'm feeling pretty worn out here, and Finn is not as sick as some of your babes are. But he has been "sick" since a few days after Thanksgiving and it is really wearing on me. The fact that we still don't know what exactly is wrong is not helping. He is gaining weight (already weighs a whopping 17 lbs. and he'll be 3 months tomorrow), is happy most of the time, sleeps okay, etc. BUT he has this on-going sinus/throat/congestion thing. He had a nasty viral cold that lasted for several weeks (and even sent us to the ER one night) but it has never really gone away. We were told two weeks ago that it was a bacterial infection in his sinuses. The culture confirmed this. We have been giving him antibiotics (which we didn't want to do but felt that nothing else was working) for two weeks now and the last two days it is worse -- NOT better. I am afraid that he has caught ANOTHER cold, though I don't know how that could be because we really don't go anywhere anymore. We did go to the eye doctor's on Monday morning because he had been diagnosed with strabismus in December, but now they say his eyes are fine after all. Anyway, the doctor's assistant was touching his hands during the exam and I'm afraid maybe he caught something from her . . . I just don't know anymore. We have even taken DD out of her preschool co-op (which was only 4 hours a week anyway) and gymnastics. I'm trying to decide if we are going back and I feel bad because I am not fulfilling my part of the "co-op" aspect. Anyway, she is going crazy in this house, as am I. I know she is worried about her little brother and about me because she saw me crying this morning, but the way she reacts to all this is to be more "unruly" than ever. I feel so bad for her too. She is watching way too much TV, and I know she needs more attention and stimulation than she is getting. Finn has been pretty miserable the past two days so I've had to give him even more attention, much to DD's disappointment. And now he seems to have a slight fever the last two days too.
He just has this on-going issue and the doctors don't know what is wrong. I don't really think it is only a bacterial infection because the antibiotics don't seem to be working. I also don't think it is "normal" because it is so dramatic at times and often interrupts his sleep. He just sounds like someone who is sick. He is snarfly and gurgly and often sneezes and coughs a couple times a day, but his nose doesn't run and you can't see a lot of mucus in his nose. He was tested for RSV when we were in the ER at the beginning of Dec. and they did a chest x-ray and said that was fine too. I don't think it is reflux because he doesn't have any other signs expect congestion, but it is really frustrating because it is not like you can see a bunch of mucus in his nose. I just HEAR it. Arrggghhh . . . my new theory is that it may be related to something in my diet. I am going off dairy completely now, but I don't know if it will make a difference. I had already been doing very, very little dairy. I guess if he was really sensitive then maybe it would make a difference. (No one else has any food allergies in our family except DD who will throw up if she eats bananas).
I am just so tired and so worried, and so tired of being worried. I am getting so little sleep because I am up with him several hours a night. DH tries to help in some ways, but he is NO help at night. It is more work to wake him up to get him to help than to just nurse Finn or get up myself. And I'm the one who researches things, makes doctor's appointments, takes the kids to the doctors, takes our sick son to the ER, fills prescriptions, calls BACK the doctors when things don't work, refills the cool mist humidifier, changes the pillow case on DS's sleeping wedge, gives him his medicine, gives him his probiotics, sprays saline up his nose, and nurses him about 10 thousand times a day! Can you tell I'm feeling a little overwhelmed? And I KNOW it could be worse. I feel for all mamas who are doing what I am, and then some. I know daddies (and other family members) love their babies, too, but there is something about being a mother . . . you just do whatever it takes, whenever it is, to do everything you can to help your baby. I can't imagine not doing everything in my power to figure out what is wrong and try to fix it, but I'm just so tired too and really wish there was an end to my "work day."
I am so frustrated too because I feel like I have tried to do all the "right" things. He was born full-term, naturally at home, he is EBF, we co-sleep, we eat very well, take vitamins and supplements, wash hands constantly, limit our exposure to others, he hasn't had any vaxes, etc. and yet this has still happenend. I was worried about having a baby with health problems, especially if he was born in fall/winter and now it seems like that is coming true. I was so optimistic about welcoming in the new year, and really felt like we were leaving all our health problems behind . . . I just can't believe he is sick again, or still sick. I really can't tell anymore. Sorry this turned into a bit of a rant. I just know there are others of you out there dealing with similar things. Sometimes I just feel so alone and overwhelmed in this house and overwhelmed by the situation. I admire all of you mamas who are up with your babes all night, in and out of the hospital, watching your babies take each breath, praying they get better soon. If a mothers love was all it took to make them better I know they'd all be completely healthy already.