I yelled like a psycho and scared my 3-year-olds :( - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 17 Old 01-07-2009, 10:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I won't say I have never yelled before. I try so hard but sometimes it happens. I always apologize and say I will try to do better, of course.

Tonight, though, oh man. I am ashamed of my lack of self-control. They refused to nap today, and we had a library class in the afternoon - their first "independent" class (30 minutes of picture-book-time with just kids and the librarian in the program room). They had a good time, were so sweet and funny and good-natured the whole time. We came home, had dinner, and I brought them upstairs and started the whole bedtime thing. That includes tooth-brushing, of course.

Lilly has been horrendously resisting toothbrushing, but the past 2 nights we managed it without a lot of protest. I tried again tonight, but she kept saying no and I told her she really needs to brush her teeth, and if she needs me to brush them, I will. Of course she's backed into a corner at that point, and she hits me. Then she throws herself on the ground and starts kicking her sister, who was just standing there brushing her teeth. I totally lost it and yelled "DO NOT HIT YOUR SISTER!" (I know she was kicking her, and hitting me, but I got mixed up in the heat of the moment) probably 3 times, but in the most horrible, shrieky, loud, hysterical voice--I sounded like a madwoman, I'm sure.

She freaked out and was hysterically crying, trying to hug me and hit me and run away from me at the same time, and I could tell I had scared the heck out of her. I felt so awful. I took Katie to their room and took Lilly to my room, told her I was so sorry I had yelled, and asked if I had scared her. She said yes and I told her I was sorry for that, that I was very upset because she was hitting and kicking, but that yelling isn't right either. I asked if she could forgive me and she said yes (through her tears) and I asked if we were still friends and of course she said yes to that, too.

They both were asleep less than 10 minutes later, so I know half of her acting out was sheer exhaustion. And I'd probably blame that for mine, too. But I'm an adult and I should be able to control myself better. I just feel so sad. I know she'll be OK sooner than I will, but I really just feel horrible and needed to confess, I guess.

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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#2 of 17 Old 01-07-2009, 10:43 PM
 
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Your children are young but not too young to understand you were wrong and what forgiveness is. They went to sleep having forgiven you. You are a good mama.

I am not a yeller. I DO journal when I am stressed out. I 'yell' into my journal so I don't yell at others. When my twins were that age and younger, I journaled a lot with them right with me playing. It really helped me process things when I had 4 under 4 and no help.

Hope you can sleep tonight. You are a good mama. :
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#3 of 17 Old 01-07-2009, 10:54 PM
 
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I screamed @ my kids today too . I just snapped after several days of crazy, willful disobediance. I feel like a big pile of poo.
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#4 of 17 Old 01-07-2009, 10:57 PM
 
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Did you tell them you were wrong and you are sorry/seek forgiveness etc? That goes a long, long way with people. Kids are smart. They know we are wrong even before we can admit it.

Oh and poo? Its good fertilizer.
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#5 of 17 Old 01-07-2009, 10:59 PM
 
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Don't be too hard on yourself, mama.

K + J = DS Evan 1/26/09 and happily welcoming DS Colin, our 9lb 5oz vbac.gif New Year's Day baby, 1/1/11!
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#6 of 17 Old 01-07-2009, 11:10 PM
 
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I absolutely told my kids i was wrong and so sorry and that I love them more than anything! We had it all worked out after about 10 minutes (we were in the car) If you were indeed addressing me

I'm just so sorry I scared them. It's hard being a single working mom with two small active, smart and very willful kids! I feel like my patience is spread so very thin.
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#7 of 17 Old 01-07-2009, 11:19 PM
 
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I am not a single mom but I have been stressed beyond measure and the first time I did something that I needed to apologize for, it was hard to do. I felt caught up in shame and needed a friend to remind me what I knew deep down.

I hate shame. It can do a number on our heart and actions.

Sorry you were stressed today. Are there things you can do to renew yourself?

Hey, last night? My daughter and I were hiding and my son came innocently looking for us. Just when he least expected it, out I came with a resounding "Boo!" Oh, it broke my heart what happened next. He screamed and jumped out of fear. Then he scolded me. He was right to do so. I don't think I can get that image out of my head of fear surging through his body. And I had to keep myself from laughing because I could see he was seriously scared. Oh I hugged him immediately and kept apologizing but I couldn't keep my giggles down and he was seriously PO'd at me. Rightfully so.
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#8 of 17 Old 01-07-2009, 11:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for your kind words. And hotmamacita, thanks for the journaling idea. I think that would help me, although maybe not so much during the in-the-bathroom-refusing-the-stupid-toothbrush moment.

I feel better after having a glass of wine and talking to my husband (he gets home after bedtime most nights). And tomorrow is another day, and another chance to not become a raving psychopath when my toddlers act like toddlers.

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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#9 of 17 Old 01-07-2009, 11:33 PM
 
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I've been there. Not screaming, more growling. BUt definitely being scary. Then sobbing my heart out right after, probably scaring him even more.

I just don't think we're meant, as humans, to be alone with kids all day - so it takes it's toll.

Thanks for posting - it's somehow comforting to hear of someone else who is not a daily yeller (there's other threads for that), but has Psycho Mom moments on the rare occasion.

DS 12/22/05 and DD 5/24/09
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#10 of 17 Old 01-07-2009, 11:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Limabean1975 View Post
I just don't think we're meant, as humans, to be alone with kids all day - so it takes it's toll.
this is how I feel about it, too. And sadly my yelling got more frequent for a while although it seems to be backing off now, thank goodness. I think finally getting some sleep is helping tremendously. I've said it before, but I SO want a tribe.

Jenna ~ mommy to Sophia Elise idea.gif  (1/06), Oliver Matthew  blahblah.gif (7/07) and Avery Michael fly-by-nursing1.gif(3/10)

 

dizzy.gif Wading slowly and nervously into this homeschooling thing.

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#11 of 17 Old 01-08-2009, 12:02 AM
 
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I've said it before, but I SO want a tribe.

I so value my privacy...but I value my sanity and my child too, and I think at this time of life, I'd sacrifice privacy for the constant support and aid of a community.

DS 12/22/05 and DD 5/24/09
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#12 of 17 Old 01-08-2009, 12:06 AM
 
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I've totally been there. I'm sorry Lilly was scared but don't ever doubt that you are an amazing mama to those beautiful girls. Telling her you were wrong for yelling and asking for forgiveness is a BIG parenting step....not everyone is mature enough to do that.

(((HUGS)))

Mom to Nora - 04/07 and Brendan - born still at 23 weeks - 07/10
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#13 of 17 Old 01-08-2009, 08:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by OGirlieMama View Post
Thank you for your kind words. And hotmamacita, thanks for the journaling idea. I think that would help me, although maybe not so much during the in-the-bathroom-refusing-the-stupid-toothbrush moment.

I feel better after having a glass of wine and talking to my husband (he gets home after bedtime most nights). And tomorrow is another day, and another chance to not become a raving psychopath when my toddlers act like toddlers.
Keep your journal in the bathroom. I have one in the bathroom. :
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#14 of 17 Old 01-08-2009, 11:46 PM
 
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I freaked out on my 4yo today too. At/after the DMV, of course. I felt so horrible and so guilty--still do--but to look at this forum and happen to see this headline just four posts down made me feel a little better. Like I'm not alone. I wish I had more patience with my son. I feel like I'm always snapping at him or expressing annoyance, or at best, being sarcastic.

Rachel, massage therapist and single mom :to Keanu 7/29/04 and Juniper 11/18/11!  Lovingfemalesling.GIFcd.gifnamaste.giflactivist.gifgd.giffambedsingle1.gif

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#15 of 17 Old 01-09-2009, 12:11 AM
 
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I'm worried about how these moments & others might play out when Mama Bear kicks in to protect the new baby. Yikes!

DS 12/22/05 and DD 5/24/09
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#16 of 17 Old 01-09-2009, 12:44 AM
 
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When my first baby was an infant, my therapist told me something that I've never forgotten. No child deserves a perfect parent - that would be a horrible thing. They would never be able to live up to that and it would damage them.

Children need to see parents mess up and then *fix it*. My anger gets the best of me sometimes when it comes to raising my voice and as I take myself on this journey of self-improvement, I take my children along with me and they get to watch me heal myself.

It is sweet to hear my four year old say, after a loss of her own temper, "I'm sorry I yelled. I'm just hungry/tired/my head hurts." She's learning to look in herself to find the cause of her anger.

It also helps when, after you get 'growling' frustrated with your ten month old for knocking everything off the desk for the fifth time in as many seconds, your daughters start giggling because "It's so silly to be mad at a baby, Mother!" Yes it is.

Homesteading, unschooling mama of three.
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#17 of 17 Old 01-09-2009, 01:03 AM
 
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It also helps when, after you get 'growling' frustrated with your ten month old for knocking everything off the desk for the fifth time in as many seconds, your daughters start giggling because "It's so silly to be mad at a baby, Mother!" Yes it is.
That is sweet and awesome.

DS 12/22/05 and DD 5/24/09
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