I won't say I have never yelled before. I try so hard but sometimes it happens. I always apologize and say I will try to do better, of course.
Tonight, though, oh man. I am ashamed of my lack of self-control. They refused to nap today, and we had a library class in the afternoon - their first "independent" class (30 minutes of picture-book-time with just kids and the librarian in the program room). They had a good time, were so sweet and funny and good-natured the whole time. We came home, had dinner, and I brought them upstairs and started the whole bedtime thing. That includes tooth-brushing, of course.
Lilly has been horrendously resisting toothbrushing, but the past 2 nights we managed it without a lot of protest. I tried again tonight, but she kept saying no and I told her she really needs to brush her teeth, and if she needs me to brush them, I will. Of course she's backed into a corner at that point, and she hits me. Then she throws herself on the ground and starts kicking her sister, who was just standing there brushing her teeth. I totally lost it and yelled "DO NOT HIT YOUR SISTER!" (I know she was kicking her, and hitting me, but I got mixed up in the heat of the moment) probably 3 times, but in the most horrible, shrieky, loud, hysterical voice--I sounded like a madwoman, I'm sure.
She freaked out and was hysterically crying, trying to hug me and hit me and run away from me at the same time, and I could tell I had scared the heck out of her. I felt so awful. I took Katie to their room and took Lilly to my room, told her I was so sorry I had yelled, and asked if I had scared her. She said yes and I told her I was sorry for that, that I was very upset because she was hitting and kicking, but that yelling isn't right either. I asked if she could forgive me and she said yes (through her tears) and I asked if we were still friends and of course she said yes to that, too.
They both were asleep less than 10 minutes later, so I know half of her acting out was sheer exhaustion. And I'd probably blame that for mine, too. But I'm an adult and I should be able to control myself better.
I just feel so sad. I know she'll be OK sooner than I will, but I really just feel horrible and needed to confess, I guess.