What would be the natural consequence? - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 16 Old 07-13-2009, 12:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all -

this situation doesn't apply to me our my DS just yet - he's only 5 mos old - but what i saw at a party today had me wondering...

what is the natural consequence involving kids running around a pool? every time my DN did this, my sis would yell at him to slow down, then finally when that didn't work she put him in time out for a while.

so whats the right thing to do? i dont believe in time outs, but the NC would have been he slipped, fell, hit his head and if he was really unlucky fell in the pool and no one noticed.

help! what to do when there isn't a safe NC and you dont believe in time outs???
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#2 of 16 Old 07-13-2009, 01:46 AM
 
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well, imo, if natural consequences aren't an option, we'll use logical consequences. pool rules involve safety, so i believe "no running" is reasonable and should be enforced. my kids often need reminders though (walk, don't run please) and that's fine. i know they're just kids and a pool is exciting and fun. it's easy to forget and run without realizing it, so i'm there to remind them if needed. on the other hand, if i reminded them to walk and not run & they blatantly disregarded me (i.e. i don't care what you say, i'm going to run anyway) - then the logical consequence would be to sit out until you can follow the pool rules. i'm sure others may disagree. this is just my point of view & how i would handle it. hth.

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#3 of 16 Old 07-13-2009, 02:09 AM
 
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time to go inside for a while and get away from the temptation of the pool; or sit next to mom for a while; I don't see it as a time out so much as a "if you can't follow pool safety rules, then you don't get to be by the pool"

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#4 of 16 Old 07-13-2009, 02:44 AM
 
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Not sure how old DN is, and that makes a difference in how a parent might respond.

The natural consequence is, of course, that he falls in and drowns, or slips and splits his head open, or some other terrible thing. Natural consequences can't be implemented in this sort of situation.

Up to age 3.5, DD and I practiced walking around the pool. After that, I would stay very close to her, and if she started to run, I would take her hand and say, "walk" and we'd walk together, making big exaggerated walking steps. Up to about that age, they just get excited and have no impulse control, so timeouts or punishments are inappropriate, I believe. Better to constantly model the correct behavior alongside the child. When you get tired of that degree of intervention, its time to leave. Not as punishment, but just because you're too tired to continue.

Around age 4, if the child is still running at the pool, I think its okay to give them one reminder and then implement time outs. If the timeouts don't work after one or two trials, I would probably leave, saying we'd try again another time.
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#5 of 16 Old 07-13-2009, 02:47 AM
 
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I don't think that's a situation for consequences- as the natural consequence is that a child falls and is hurt.

That's a time that it becomes clear that the children involved are not old enough or mature enough to be given the freedom they have. If they can not walk safely around a pool, then they should not be around a pool out of the immediate reach of an adult.

-Angela
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#6 of 16 Old 07-13-2009, 05:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alegna View Post
I don't think that's a situation for consequences- as the natural consequence is that a child falls and is hurt.

That's a time that it becomes clear that the children involved are not old enough or mature enough to be given the freedom they have. If they can not walk safely around a pool, then they should not be around a pool out of the immediate reach of an adult.

-Angela
I agree. We don't do punishments at all, but for us, safety issues are non-negotiable. If my LO's wouldn't follow the safety precautions, they wouldn't be out of arm's reach.

Jen...wife to Shawn...Radically Unschooling Mommy to Connor (4/03), Autumn (1/07) Aiden (1/08) and Ella (10/14/09) Just had the of our dreams!
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#7 of 16 Old 07-14-2009, 04:30 PM
 
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Haven't read the replies . . .

The true natural consequence is he slips on the water and smashes his head.

The parent imposed consequence, or discipline, or guidance, or punishment or whatever you want to call it is to remove them from the pool area. If I had explained to my kid the dangers of running around the pool and they continued to do it they would not be allowed to be around the pool until they could behave safely.
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#8 of 16 Old 07-14-2009, 05:44 PM
 
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We have a pool, so this is a constant struggle. I don't know what it is about pool decks and running that seem to go together! I agree, there is no viable, safe natural consequence here. Our kids (and their friends) are school-aged, so I'm not dealing with impulsive toddlers. In the last two weeks I have completely "outlawed" the one game that seemed to result in the most running, issued countless reminders/requests for "walking feet please", and told kids that couldn't stop running despite countless reminders that they needed to find somewhere else to play. No classic "timeouts" but definitely a requirement that they play elsewhere.
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#9 of 16 Old 07-14-2009, 07:20 PM
 
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I think a logical consequence would be to remove them from the pool area. Find them something else to do... somewhere else to run, maybe a ball to kick around? Not so much a punishment tho, as much as a redirection, which in my household is much preferred.

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#10 of 16 Old 07-14-2009, 07:59 PM
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I tell my dd what I want her to do and why or what I don't want her to do and why. I find that my dd listens to what I say better when I go right to her and tell her rather than yelling at her. I agree with the other's who say that the logical consequence would be to remove the child from the pool area. I would not do this as a time out, but I would tell my dd that if she can't keep herself safe by walking she can't be on the slippery pool area and I would follow through.
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#11 of 16 Old 07-15-2009, 11:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
I don't think that's a situation for consequences- as the natural consequence is that a child falls and is hurt.

That's a time that it becomes clear that the children involved are not old enough or mature enough to be given the freedom they have. If they can not walk safely around a pool, then they should not be around a pool out of the immediate reach of an adult.

-Angela
This exactly.

Is there no fence around the pool? Where we used to live, a fence with a key-locking gate was legislated, so telling the children to leave the pool area meant that, and that it wouldn't be accessible without the key, in care and control of the caregiver. I couldn't care any less about the gov't involvement, but I would do that on my own to protect my children and others anyway. If they are playing tag or some other game, then it's time to leave the pool area and the gate to be locked. The fence can be pretty; I've seen many that are and that don't detract from the landscaping at all.

We don't have a pool; we're natural-waters-only people. We don't even have running water actually... It was very nice for me to visit someone and know that their pool was locked up though. I'm now having to consider running water and toilets and sinks and baths because we're moving, and just that seems like much more than I want to add to my daily life! A pool though... I shoudn't even be responding to this thread.

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#12 of 16 Old 07-16-2009, 11:52 PM
 
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Having to leave the pool area.

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#13 of 16 Old 07-17-2009, 05:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alegna View Post
I don't think that's a situation for consequences- as the natural consequence is that a child falls and is hurt.
Not really. In some cases that is the natural consequence, in others (possibly most) the natural consequence is just that the kid enjoyed running around the pool.

Of course we would still want to prevent the possible consequence, but the fact is that most of the time when kids run around the pool they don't fall and split their heads or drown.
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#14 of 16 Old 07-17-2009, 06:00 PM
 
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Not really. In some cases that is the natural consequence, in others (possibly most) the natural consequence is just that the kid enjoyed running around the pool.

Of course we would still want to prevent the possible consequence, but the fact is that most of the time when kids run around the pool they don't fall and split their heads or drown.
Right. Natural consequences don't always happen.

-Angela
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#15 of 16 Old 07-17-2009, 10:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alegna View Post
Right. Natural consequences don't always happen.

-Angela
But in this case, the natural consequence is so severe that you don't want to wait and see one way or the other.

My kid slipped around the Y pool when he wasn't even running (Okay, he was *trotting* but seriously not running).

Blood everywhere, flap of flesh hanging off the bottom of his chin. Stitches, pain, awfulness.

At the camp DS usually goes to (he's at a different one this week) his friend reporting that two kids were running around the pool today, slipped, crashed into each other, and both of them got teeth knocked out.

So yeah, natural consquences aren't 100%. That's why for things like this I'm a big fan of logical consquences. As in: "You have to be able to follow certain rules to use a pool. If you cannot follow those rules, then you cannot use the pool." The rule against running is pretty much universal at public pools - you can probably find plenty of signs at one to show that this is the case.

Across the board, for us, maturity and ability to do things safely is a prerequisite for participating in activities, and we have made it clear with follow through that the inability to do things safely and obey safety rules results in the end of an activity.

savithny, 42 year old moderate mom to DS Primo (age 12) and DD Secunda (age 9).

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#16 of 16 Old 07-17-2009, 11:01 PM
 
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Sounds like he may still be young if he was having a hard time just walking. I used to walk around the pool with my son and still do sometimes at 5

Cathy mom to 13 y/o DD, 10 y/o DD, 7 y/o DS

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