OK folks -
I hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes, and I am not trying to run the show but I thought I'd start a new thread for the next chapter, if nobody minds.
Actually, we can talk about the next two chapters (3 & 4) if everyone has read that far. They are two sides of the same coin.
When I got through reading chapter 3, I felt paralyzed. I felt like there were no options besides just letting DS roam free and suffer whatever consequences might happen. I think a lot of people never get past this when first learning about GD. They either discard the whole idea as too lenient or else they start parenting their children too permissively, thinking they are using GD principles. I mean - you can't punish them, you can't bribe them (these are ugly words, but I'm sure we have all done it: "If you sit quietly in church, we can go to IHOP after" etc.). Not only can you not punish the bad behavior, you can't even reward the good behavior! Even *praise* is bad! What is left? Luckily we have chapter 4 to save us.
Chapter 4 draws some pretty fine lines between praise and encouragement, punishment and consequence, etc. For me this was where the real shift in perception took place. At first I felt a little skeptical - like it was just semantics. Like saying "That's not right" instead of "That's wrong." But, I have decided that even though it really is a matter of semantics in some ways, it's important to phrase things in a positive, proactive way rather than negatively. I agree with Coloroso when she says that saying "That's not right" opens the door to the possibility that the thing in question could be made right, whereas saying it's wrong is more of a dead end.
However, I still think some of her suggestions are actually kind of passive-aggressive. Like making comments. If I stand over DH (Cole is still too young for all this - I have a lot of opinions for someone whose kid is not even 2 yet, huh?? Isn't that always how it goes
) and say, "The floor needs to be swept," he'd be like, "Are you asking me to sweep it or are you just making an observation?" I prefer straightforward requests, rather than open ended statements that kind of come across as "hint, hint".