"mama, I want to kill you" - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 9 Old 04-13-2004, 03:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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How would you respond to that?

Owen said that yesterday to dh, who, of course, yelled at him out of shock...then repeated it today...This time dh said it hurt him to hear that, and that it wasn't nice...so Owen proceeded to tell me, ver clearly "mama, I wnat to kill you"

I have no idea where he got that from and I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what it means...
Owen will be 3 in June
Any suggestions ob how to handle that?

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#2 of 9 Old 04-13-2004, 03:48 AM
 
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I would ignore it or seem bored to tears if he persisted. If he's not getting any response or attention he has no reason to keep going. I do think he's too young to understand what those words mean, or to understand much discussion about it.

You could always pretend he's saying "kiss". "Oh, you want a kiss, sure thing sweetie! Mama loves kisses"
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#3 of 9 Old 04-13-2004, 03:59 AM
 
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I am not speaking from experience, but maybe try asking why. It might give you some insight into what his understanding of it is.
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#4 of 9 Old 04-13-2004, 10:50 AM
 
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I think I would ask, "Are you angry with me? Sometimes people say that when they feel angry." The idea being, its better to just say, "I'm angry with you."

I would also think about where he might be picking this up. I remember discovering that DH was letting our oldest stay up to watch Buffy when he was only 2 yo. because DS started pretending to "stake me" while I was changing his diaper one morning, and saying, "I'll kill you!" No more Buffy after that, and the behavior went away. (And I almost "killed" DH over it in private later! :LOL )

Beyond that -- I'd ignore it for awhile and see if the novelty of it wears off.
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#5 of 9 Old 04-13-2004, 11:50 AM
 
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I would either ignore it or make it into a silly joke. I would not be offended or hurt, children of this age have absolutely no concept of death and killing and the permanence of it.

Kids go through phases where they become fascinated with killing, death and jail even if these are not things that they are regularly exposed to. My daughter learned all about these things from other friends and was fairly obsessed with all of them for a brief time.
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#6 of 9 Old 04-13-2004, 11:54 AM
 
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My 3 year old girls just started this too. "I want you to die mommy", "I don't want a mommy anymore", "I will kill you ( to me and her sister)
Needless to say, the TV is being unplugged for 1. No one uses these words around her at home- but she also recently started preschool. I think it is just an experiment with strong language. I just mostly ignore it, and when not in the heat of the moment, reinforce GOOD language.
Kids say such hurtful things. Thankfully my oldest , now 8, has never used any hurtful language towards me.
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#7 of 9 Old 04-13-2004, 04:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much for all your responses so far...
Owen is going through a phase I don't like at all: very aggressive, 'shooting'' with pretend guns (fingers), pushing...and I did all I could to have a gentle, kind toddler. He's just the opposite. Sigh.

Ilaria mamma to Owen, Caroline & Patrick .... loving life as expats in Asia intactlact.gifnovaxnocirc.gifuc.jpgnamaste.gif
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#8 of 9 Old 04-13-2004, 09:01 PM
 
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Just a thought on the guns and shooting. I find that my boys love a sound that accompanies a hand motion. They have very easily transitioned to spraying water (firefighter style), drilling, or doing fireworks (setting off roman candles, they saw us last year at 4th of July so it makes sense to them) instead of shooting guns. They still enjoy the shooting aspect, but I no longer cringe as they call it different words. They don't even know what guns are, they just saw some neighborhood kids playing that way.
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#9 of 9 Old 04-13-2004, 10:13 PM
 
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In the past few weeks, my son has said he wants to kill the baby and "send her back". I agree with the mild reaction approach. I think it is a testing our reaction thing.

The next minute he loves her and wants her on his lap.

L.
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