Mothering Forums

Mothering Forums (https://www.mothering.com/forum/)
-   Gentle Discipline (https://www.mothering.com/forum/36-gentle-discipline/)
-   -   It's all so funny (https://www.mothering.com/forum/36-gentle-discipline/1389108-its-all-so-funny.html)

mamaOearth 08-29-2013 06:00 PM

For the past few months I have been trying to explain to my 2 year old dd right and wrong. I try to talk out with her. It's mainly for my benefit because I am desperately trying not to lose my temper. You see dc is a very strong- willed child. Normally during these exchanges she would do as she was told and that would be the end of it. However, in the last month I've noticed that instead of doing what she's told she laughs in my face and either pretends to do what I say or just outright does what she wants as if I said nothing. Now everthing is a laugh fest. The more stern I become (no yelling) the more she laughs. Has anyone else encountered this? Does she not take me seriously? She tried to do dh the same way but when he was stern she straighten up. Any advice?

lauren 08-29-2013 08:12 PM

I"m not sure I would work too hard at explaining right and wrong to a 2 year old. I think I'd focus on redirection, modeling, and just making a change when she was making a bad choice. For example, if she's misbehaving in a store, just firmly leaving. Particularly if she is strong willed, doing too much explaining might backfire on you. Strong willed children tend to need very clear limits-- few limits, but very clear. They have the type of temperament that just wants to push the envelope all the time. So pick a few non-negotiable rules and stick with a very clear plan for how you're going to handle those, with natural consequences. She'll catch on if you are firm and modeling good boundaries.


mamaOearth 08-30-2013 04:44 AM

It's mainly for my peace of mind that I explain it...I guess I am hoping that when I'm done I won't be as upset as I was before. I need to change that though because as you've mentioned it could and has backfired plenty of times. She usually laughs harder or if we are in public acts up and becomes louder.

luckiest 08-31-2013 07:59 PM

Two is too early for right and wrong.  A two year old does not - and should not - place value judgements on anything.  I hear you on getting frustrated, but I would look for a different outlet for your frustration than lengthy explanations, which will ultimately frustrate you both.  

 

My thoughts on the laughing - it could be that she genuinely finds your sternness funny, but also remember that laughing is a form of stress relief (think: laughing at a funeral or other stressful, but inappropriate times).  


lauren 08-31-2013 08:14 PM

You could just not attend to the laughing, so that you wouldn't reinforce it. Then redirect her again to what you want her to do.


mamaOearth 09-01-2013 07:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by luckiest View Post

Two is too early for right and wrong.  A two year old does not - and should not - place value judgements on anything.  I hear you on getting frustrated, but I would look for a different outlet for your frustration than lengthy explanations, which will ultimately frustrate you both.  

My thoughts on the laughing - it could be that she genuinely finds your sternness funny, but also remember that laughing is a form of stress relief (think: laughing at a funeral or other stressful, but inappropriate times).  
I think that is so true. It is really hard for me to stern. I think I might be my own worst enemy in the matter because I usually laugh at everything she does.

mamaOearth 09-01-2013 07:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lauren View Post

You could just not attend to the laughing, so that you wouldn't reinforce it. Then redirect her again to what you want her to do.
How would you not attend to the laughing? I would like to try this. I am new to the whole redirection thing

lauren 09-01-2013 08:43 AM

It's kind of like ignoring, but that word seems so awful. You want to give more energy and attention to the choices she makes that are right (according to your values) and less attention and energy to the things you don't want her to do. Laughing is a powerful reinforcer and you don't want to reinforce her ignoring you. 

 

The hard thing is that you've just spent all these months celebrating all the things she does and clapping, laughing, etc! It is new for both of you that there might be things she does that you don't approve of! So it is a big shift for you both.

 

Redirecting is moving her toward something that you do want her to do without reprimanding. For example, if she is going toward the electric outlet with a fork and you don't want her to stick the fork in the outlet, you would scoop her up and say "let's look out the window and see what the doggie is doing!!!" A less extreme example; perhaps she is hitting you because she is mad (2 year olds don't know how to handle such a big feeling!) You playfully say "oh you are mad!! Let me see if we can help you with your mad!!" Then you stomp up and down and model some good mad expression. She becomes so intrigued by your activity, she joins in and she is no longer hitting you; before you know it you are having a good time together stomping around like monsters!  Does this make sense?


mamaOearth 09-05-2013 07:45 AM

I like this idea a lot. I am going to try to implement the redirection. I realize that I have to tell her things over and over because I place too much emphasis on her negative behavior. I going to look up more books on the topic.

lauren 09-05-2013 06:52 PM

What you give energy to, you will strengthen! :)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:37 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Resources saved on this page: MySQL 0%
vBulletin Optimisation provided by vB Optimise (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
User Alert System provided by Advanced User Tagging (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2020 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.