Originally Posted by Lina Pantalina
By consistency I mean that we had better do as promised
eg.if you say you can't play playstation for 1hour and the kid starts to whine and you give in to his pleadings, he will learn that crying and whining can give him what his wants . Of course we can adjust to the different circumstances every day, but keep some of the values.
Well, I still disagree. I can think of times when I have said no to something and my kid has responded in a hugely negative way (crying, etc.), and instead of sticking to my guns I've asked for help understanding why the issue is so big for them, talked about where my reticence is coming from, given them an opportunity to address my objections, and found a mutually agreeable solution. Which might have meant changing my no to a yes.
I don't believe that teaches kids that crying and whining works. I think it teaches them that when a person is really upset, the people who care about them will take the time to find out why they are upset and will listen carefully and evaluate new information. And sometimes this listening and discussing will provide a path to solving a problem.
Capriciously changing rules and expectations with no warning and no explanation is bad. But I don't think it's the changing that's the problem for kids. It's the no-warning/no-explanation part. They can't make sense of why their parents sometimes respond one way and sometimes another. Share with them the 'why' and they'll not only avoid the stress of being blind-sided, but they'll learn to listen and collaborate to resolve conflicts.
ETA: Of course you shouldn't give in to every little whine from your child. If you had good reasons to draw a limit, and your child has done nothing other than whine and complain, changing your mind "because you're driving my nuts with that whining" is going to lead to problems. But rather than setting consistency as being a golden rule of parenting I would say "If you change your mind, have a good reason for doing so, and share that reason with your child