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Moliver123 02-27-2018 11:45 AM

Adult Children Living (setting limits)
My 22 year old daughter currently lives at home. We do not require her to pay rent, as she is going to school, but she does pay her student loans and most things she needs. She wants to go on vacation with her boyfriend to celebrate graduating college. They planned a trip to Oahu that would cost around $2500. We told her no because this does not fit into their plan of moving out within the next 6 months or so. My daughter and her boyfriend are very upset. Her boyfriend would be covering the majority of the cost as a gift for graduation, but we think they should save the money for moving out. Did I do the right thing?

katelove 02-27-2018 06:38 PM

I think at 22yo, unless she is asking you to pay for it, then you don’t get a say.

If you have an arrangement that she moves out at a certain time then you could remind her of that agreement and ask if she is still on track for that. If you don’t need her to move out you could suggest that she could stay after that time if need be but that she would need to pay some rent or expenses.

I would suggest you apologise and tell her that it’s not your decision what she do with her time and money. And then have a conversation about future plans after that :-)

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zebra15 02-27-2018 07:58 PM

She is an adult, its not your money nor your decision.

lauren 02-28-2018 04:27 AM

I agree with the others, at age 22 I feel very little say over what choices my kids make. Just hang on to your agreed upon plan. You know your child better than anyone. Does she tend to budget and do the right thing or is she impulsive? Just the same, it doesn't seem right to say 'no' to the trip.

lauren 02-28-2018 04:30 AM

Moved out of Health forum to better fit Gentle Discipline, since it is about setting limits with adult child

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