Can I rebuild my relationship with my 7 year old - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 1 Old 05-06-2020, 01:20 PM - Thread Starter
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Rebuilding Trust

I smacked my child last night, when was at my wits end on what to do. last night I discovered she stole something from me and I lost it, I yelled at her, walked up to her when she was in bed and smacked her. I have smacked before and I am a yeller, im trying so hard to find a better way but it seems like the gentle discipline just doesn't work, they nod and say yes but 5 minutes later its back to the yelling, fighting with each other, etc.
I love my children more than anything, they are my life but I find myself tired, overwhelmed so much that I have resorted to the quick results of a light 7 year old argues at every turn and Ive gotten to the point where before she even starts im like nope, don't wanna hear it!. She is a joy to be around when she wants to but has trouble controlling her emotions and anger and I haven't been an example to her on how to do this. My 3 year old is constantly on me, she wants mommy 24X7 and its exhausting, im her person and I love that but I have swatted her behind when I have felt overwhelmed or just couldn't deal. I feel like im failing at being a good mother! im constantly trying to find time to do things with them, give them 1:1 time, just be there for them and feel like im losing myself a bit.
I see a pattern where I smack her and am overwhelmed with guilt and then I hug her, apologize and the behavior doesn't change, back to the arguing again within minutes. Honestly this time while I feel so horribly guilty, I spoke to her about what happened. She asked if im upset with her/if im happy and I told her im upset with myself for the way I reacted but also that it doesn't erase that she did something wrong and the consequences still stand (No TV for a week). and yesterday I saw such a change, she did all her homework, she let me work and do my meetings without interruption. she cried for a few minutes because her sister got to watch tv while I was on a meeting, but I explained again that I get she's upset but her consequences stand. she went to her room and figured out a great project to keep herself busy! yes we still had moments but it was a much calmer day than I've had in a long long time.

I have made the conscious decision to not smack the kids again. But how does one come back and undo the past? my kids are both very close to me and we hug and kiss all the time. but I've definitely noticed the older one lies about little things for attention, I think this is part because she fears being smacked. How do I come back from that? I have told her it will never happen again but the trust? how can I regain that?

Last edited by shram; 05-07-2020 at 12:31 PM.
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