New here; at my wits end with 4 y/o spirited DD's behavior - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 9 Old 11-28-2004, 12:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Please help! I have three children; eight y/o spirited boy and four y/o twin girls, one of whom is a carbon-copy of her brother (my genes, I'm sure, lol). When it was just my DS, it was easier to deal with some of the spirited behaviors, right now I'm on the verge of being the kind of parent I don't want to be.

We just got home from a ballet performance of Velveteen Rabbit. It was a struggle getting her dressed to go, a struggle keeping her reasonable in the restaurant at lunch before and another struggle as we were leaving. They were doing face painting in the lobby and she wanted a flower, but it was done wrong so we had a tantrum. Then we played in the park outside for about an hour, after several time "countdown" warnings (i.e; we are leaving in 10 mins, leaving in 5 mins ...) that we were going to go she refused to leave when it was time. She ran away from me when I tried to get her to go. We are supposed to go to Nutcracker next week, but I can't bear the thought of a repeat of this.

Perhaps I am just feeling worn down right now, but I'd like to know what others might do with this sort of a child. Is it better to keep taking her out on these types of excursions so that she will learn how to cooperate and behave, or should I just wait until she outgrows this behavior?

You would think that I'm experienced enough to see the answer myself, lol. With DS things were very similar, but I just had him, so I could focus my complete attention on working through things with him. With two other children to monitor I feel like I can't keep up with her hijinx lately. I just don't have the same opportunity to sit and talk things through with her, or maybe she doesn't respond as well as DS did.

I need some insight and tips please.

Thanks,
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#2 of 9 Old 11-28-2004, 02:52 PM
 
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I have three well behaved kids who have always been that way.

Yet, I would not have thought to take the little one out at on all of these outings.

I think you should take a break and just let her chill at home.
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#3 of 9 Old 11-28-2004, 04:33 PM
 
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I'm thinking that these outings are just too much for her at this point. I'd wait for her to outgrow some of these behaviors before you start making regular outings of this nature. Sounds like she's just overwhelmed and unable to figure herself out, maybe keeping things a bit less challenging for her will allow her to grow past this stage.

Mama, homeschooler, midwife. DD (13yo), DS (11yo), DD (8yo), DD (3yo), somebody new coming in November 2013.

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#4 of 9 Old 11-30-2004, 12:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone else want to weigh-in on this?

I could use some day-to-day advice on dealing with a spirited child please.

TIA!
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#5 of 9 Old 11-30-2004, 03:56 AM
 
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I have one of them too! He's 4 1/2, a wonderful kid, but driving us to the madhouse! I searched through this forum and found an idea: set them up for problem solving. I tried it today and met with moderate success -which is better than I've been getting lately. Essentially you tell them that there is a problem that needs to be solved and the things which are not helping (hitting brother and whining will not get the truck). Hey, I'll keep trying it.

By the by, two other mothers I know are going through the same thing with their 4 yos right now. We think it is an independence stage . . .someone told me recently when he was going crazy on an outing "when they turn 5 they are a joy to take out."
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#6 of 9 Old 11-30-2004, 04:07 AM
 
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ing
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#7 of 9 Old 11-30-2004, 11:06 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fivepears
Anyone else want to weigh-in on this?

I could use some day-to-day advice on dealing with a spirited child please.

TIA!
If you have not already, definitely read "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. That is the best source of day-to-day advice I've found for dealing with my spirited child!

In the meantime, remember that spirited children are often more sensitive than other children (to the environment) and can be easily overstimulated. The also quite frequently have trouble dealing with transitions (leaving one place to go to another). If she is being difficult in these areas, it is likely because she is *having* difficulty with these challenges (transitioning to leaving the house....dealing with the restaurant or a crowded lobby....transitioning to leaving the playground).

I definitely can only take my spirited child to only one event a day. That might be a playdate...or a trip to the library. But that is it. If I push further than that, I know to expect frenzied behavior from her. As for transitions, I give lots of warning, and then I often use playfulness to actually get her moving in the right direction. We race to the car a lot .
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#8 of 9 Old 11-30-2004, 03:20 PM
 
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Hi five

I have 4 year old twins too! Both of whom are spirited. Must be soemthing about that year????? I kinda read your post lastnight but I was sooooo exhausted I could not see right at all so I wanted to come back and post.

We have the same struggles, and pending on how my dd's are feeling that day. In order for us to go to an outing like that, well to be honest, something like that my dd's just would not be able to tolerate. I would have to at least have a back up plan(ie be ready to leave at the earliest signs of overstimulas), my girls would have to be well rested, well fed, and not sick or ill in anyway, as well as in a good mood. If all these are in unison THEN........


I will try to explain every possible detail I can. I will explain the saeting, the building, the music(I would try to find an exaole t o listen to before hand) how long the show may be, what I expect of them(to sit) and also to have a plan that if they had to get up before intermission, we would go, no matter what. I cannot expect my girls to sit for long all in one time. I would then, just keep axplaining to them what was going to happen next (ie: going to go stand in line for a drink then we go back to sit ect..) I know with my children the element of surprise will send them right over the edge. I must explain to play out everything new to them, and it really really helps.

I like how you let them play at the park for a while. I think spriited kids need a release of alll that energy they picked up during the excitement. After a good time like you guys had, I would also expect thatyou will run into a spirited child to not be 100% co-operative, thye are ususlly too wired. Thye need time to come down a bit(either that or they crash) I like to be prepared as best I can too(can you tell I may be a bit spirited too?)

I also agree 100% with the book recommendation!

HTH
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#9 of 9 Old 11-30-2004, 03:22 PM
 
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ITA sunmama!
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