Am I creating a monster? - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 7 Old 01-14-2005, 08:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ds is only 8 mos old but already has what I think is an attitude (is that possible this young?). He will throw his head back and cry when I take something away that he can't have. I automatically get his attention else where but I'm worried that this is a sign! :LOL I let him rip apart a magazine today (made sure it didn't go in his mouth) because he wanted to & when I took it away, he threw a fit.

Is this just his age? I'm totally paranoid that I'll do something wrong along the way and end up with a crazy kid who won't listen (or are they all like that? :LOL ). I don't let him. cry. :
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#2 of 7 Old 01-14-2005, 08:27 PM
 
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They are all like that. :-) Eight months is too young to be worried that this is a "discipline" problem. Just flow with it, reduce opportunities for him to become frustrated, distract, distract....and try not to get upset yourself. He sound perfectly normal.
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#3 of 7 Old 01-14-2005, 08:28 PM
 
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You're not creating a monster It's the age. He can't understand taking things away yet. And you're a GOOD mama for not letting him cry. He knows that you listen to him and respond to his needs. You have the foundation for a happy and secure little boy.

-Angela
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#4 of 7 Old 01-15-2005, 03:52 AM
 
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Ah.... object permanence.

Fun, isn't it?

My ds is 7.5 months old, and as he gains the ability to remember objects not right in front of him, his protests to me taking them away get longer and longer.

I was having difficulty with using distraction till I called a friend with toddlers and he gave me insight that was golden: the thing that you're trying to use as a distractor has to be MORE INTERESTING to them than the thing you want them to forget about so you can grab it. Not always possible. So now I'm keeping that in mind when I try distraction.

We do what we can. Sometimes they're gonna grab things they can't have despite our best efforts to create that "no free" child-proofed environment. I can't just never use pens or drink full glasses of water, ya know? So sometimes I guess they're just gonna be upset. I try to hold him and sympathize, but not give back the dangerous or seriously messy item. I don't think you can possibly spoil a child by loving and sympathizing with them.

Just think how much fun we'll have later when they remember TONS of things they want.:LOL

I guess now is when we get to practice

Mom to ds1 (ASD) born 2004 and ds2 born 2007
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#5 of 7 Old 01-15-2005, 04:43 AM
 
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In this situation, I might offer him a little empathy and help him label his feelings. "Wow, you're really angry because you wanted to rip that magazine didn't you?" "You're sad because you really wanted blah blah blah." "I see that you are angry but that is my magazine, and I want to read it later. It's not ok with me to rip my magazine." "Yes, it's frustrating when we want to play with the kitchen knives and mama says no."

Offer the child a way to express/understand/communicate feelings that are overwhelming. It's OK that your kid is frustrated. That's normal. Your job, I'd say, is to teach how to deal with those emotions.
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#6 of 7 Old 01-15-2005, 04:48 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pamelamama
In this situation, I might offer him a little empathy and help him label his feelings. "Wow, you're really angry because you wanted to rip that magazine didn't you?" "You're sad because you really wanted blah blah blah." "I see that you are angry but that is my magazine, and I want to read it later. It's not ok with me to rip my magazine." "Yes, it's frustrating when we want to play with the kitchen knives and mama says no."

Offer the child a way to express/understand/communicate feelings that are overwhelming. It's OK that your kid is frustrated. That's normal. Your job, I'd say, is to teach how to deal with those emotions.
I think that is excellent advice and something we often forget. Life is not always easy and knowing how to deal with your emotions from the start will surely help in the longterm. I read a great article about letting babies cry if they need to express it (NOT CIO) and listening to their feelings, being empathic when they sometimes just need to vent, like we all do. A little off topic but still.
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#7 of 7 Old 01-15-2005, 03:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, ladies. This all helps. I just wanted to make sure that I was handling him in the best way for HIS emotions while making sure, I wasn't creating a monster! Thanks!
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