Am I doing wrong? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 10-11-2005, 04:12 PM - Thread Starter
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Ok here's the thing I have a 2 1/2 yr boy.who loves his 5 month old sister. the thing is this past sat. i was in the bathroom i heard her crying came out and he was standing on her stomach ( she was on the floor on her boopy pillow) boy oh boy was i i picked him up and spanked him. was i right or wrong? my mom who does not belive in spanking told me to try timeout. but when there hurting there siblings does t.o. work?

: who has 2 kides that has a and a :
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#2 of 6 Old 10-12-2005, 02:36 AM
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Well, mama, this is a no-spanking zone, so even if there were folks who agreed they would not be allowed to defend it...spanking is not gentle discipline.

Something I've heard when dealing with sibs hurting each other is to deal with the hurt one first, make sure they're fine, comforted, etc. Then explain to "the aggressor" how his actions were hurtful. I think the utter panic you likely displayed would show the gravity of his actions. I would be angry, too, so I can understand!

Was he trying to hurt her, did he realize how much that would hurt? At 2.5 they are very young still; of course, that doesn't justify hurting, but it helps to understand how to deal with it. If he was angry I would separate him and have him cool down on the couch. If it was an experiement I would say it was dangerous to her and keep her nearby when peeing in the future.

Are there some other situations with which we can help you brainstorm? Lots of resources in the stickies at the top of the page.

Meghan, mom to 11yo, 8yo, and 3yo 

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#3 of 6 Old 10-12-2005, 02:46 AM
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Spanking is never "a good idea" but all parents are human and we make mistakes. I've done it too- but I always apologize afterwards and explain that hitting is NOT ok, I was wrong to do it, and I'll try very hard not to do it again. I do the same thing after I lose control and yell.

You may not be able to leave the 2 of them alone unsupervised until your dd is big enough to defend herself. Either take one (or both) of them to the bathroom with you or put one of them in a playpen if you have to leave the room. One of the best ways to control your temper is to have realistic expectations for their behavior. Both of your children are still babies!

Ruth, single mommy to 3 quasi-adults
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#4 of 6 Old 10-12-2005, 02:54 AM
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Spanking will take away the lesson of him not standing on his sister. If that makes any sense. It shows him that hitting is okay.
Did you ask him why he was standing on his sister?
I'm not at this stage of disciplining yet so I don't know if time out would work. I believe in natural consequences, but I don't know what this would be in this case.
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#5 of 6 Old 10-12-2005, 04:16 AM
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I've never spanked, but I have used time outs and I haven't found them to be a great solution and it creates tension and distance between you and your child. I agree with the previous posters that the best way to deal is with realistic expectations. 2.5 is such a hard age - they are old enough to understand so much, we are so ready to make the leap from them being impulsive infants to real kids who can control their actions - its hard to keep yourself from thinking of them as being able to understand the consequences.

Honestly I think the best way to deal with a situation like that is to show your genuine reaction, for me it would be a gasp and immedialy pulling the child off, etc, take care of the baby and tell the older child what they did wrong - but remember that your child who most likely didn't stand on his little sister viscously, he doesn't know he can stand on you and not her, etc. If this is a continual problem, I would use repetition - talk to him constantly when he's interacting with her about what is appropriate and what isn't. I find that this is the most effective method of preventing my 2.5 year old from doing something in the future - eventually she will start repeating the "rule" and then even enforcing it to others. I like to soften rules by saying "we" rather than you. "We don't stand on the baby", etc. It might sound silly, but he probably doesn't understand why its okay to stand on say Daddy but not the baby.

Mightymoo - Mom to DD (6) and DS (4)
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#6 of 6 Old 10-12-2005, 04:57 AM
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I can see how scarry it was to see your little girl in a dangerous situation. That was deffiently not behavior I'd tollorate. Do I think its okay you spanked? No
why was your son doing what he was doing? was he intentionally trying to hurt his sister?


Wife to DH since August 01 mom to a bubbly girl October 2002 and our newest gal March 2010
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