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momof1baby 04-15-2003 06:30 PM

My DD will be 1 tomorrow (HAPPY BIRTHDAY.. ).

Whenever I say no to her, which is not very often, she smiles at me, and when I try to pull her hand away from something she laughs.

For instance...she is not allowed to play with the video tapes, so when she crawls over to them and starts to touch them, I say no, sometimes if she looks up at me and holds my gaze(I put my best stern face on) she will move on to something else, but most of the time, it's like she doesn't even hear me, and if I walk over and pull her hand away or move her to something else she laughs. Now, it is not just the videos, and I guess I could put them someplace where she couldn't get to them, but at the same time, I think it is healthy for kids to have boundaires and if she won't listen to me on this, what happens when it is something dangerous.....

We are not sure what to do, I feel like if we don't figure out how to get her to listen to us now, we are going to have a 3 year old terror on our hands.

Am I expecting to much from a 1 year old?

Any ideas?

Quillian 04-15-2003 08:15 PM

All babies are different but I wouldnt expect a 1 year old to understand no touching-its how they learn about their world I'm not sure when my ds was able to understand the no touch it will break concept but I think he was close to two at least. I put away anything I didnt want him to handle. I know other Mums who wanted to teach their babes early( not sure how they did this) but I know my ds wasnt ready and I didnt think it was worth the tears or heartache for either of us
Happy B-day
Meg:bf 08/12/02 11/23/00

beanma 04-15-2003 08:34 PM

i'm not one to never say "no", but i do try to always give an explanation for why dd (26mo) can't play with something --"that's glass and it could break easily. if it breaks it'll make sharp pieces that might hurt one of us." i started doing this from the beginning and i think it really helps us both. i sometimes rethink things and do let her play with something if she or it won't get hurt, and she understands that mama doesn't say "no" arbitrarily, but has a reason even if dd doesn't understand it.

you ask what happens when it's something dangerous? well, to look at that from a different angle if you say "no" about things that aren't dangerous (using your videotape example) you may be setting her up to disregard the "no" 'cause mama says that about things that are fun and she's played with before and not gotten hurt. videotapes are not within child reach at our house.

for us, we try to reserve the "no" for bigger deals and somewhat babyproof the rest of our place. if we don't want something played with we put it out of reach whenever possible.

i think you might be sorta expecting too much from a one year old, but at the same time i think a one year old can understand simple explanations of why not and learn (sometimes through lotsa repetition).

hth & happy b-day!

grisletine 04-15-2003 11:27 PM

happy birthday to you both!

well, in my opinion, the power struggles of the "terrible twos and threes" come from adversarial relationships as opposed to working together. if i were you id be less worried about whether or not she listens to your "no", and more concerned about retaining her trust. at this point its unlikely that she understands exactly what you mean: that you are telling her what to do, and may think of it as a game.

maybe it would be easier to just put the videos out of reach? so you dont have to draw artificial boundaries, and you protect your stuff.

hope this helps.

~member~ 04-15-2003 11:41 PM

When I found out I was pg with my first dd, i packed up all my 'nice' stuff and put it into storage. yes, it is still there lol! i completely babyproofed my house. i mean literally! No couches, beds on the floor, no shelves, etc. I think I went a bit overboard lol! With my second dd, i am definitely more relaxed. my oldest is almost 7 yrs old and I have found that when it comes to material objects, it is more important to teach your child how to respect other's property than it is to teach them not to touch something. Respect is a much more powerful tool than just keeping your hands to yourself, kwim?
i have met many children who live in homes with glass, crystal, ceramic knick knacks all over and they never break them, but put them in another persons home and they wreak havoc! Almost everything in my home that has been destroyed was accomplished by a child not my own.

i also tell my children that they are more important than any material object in the world. If something gets broken i just enlist their help in cleaning it up if it's not dangerous to do so. i never punish or discipline them when something gets broken. Instead we all sit down and say a prayer of thanks that we have each other. My 6 yr old dd is so respectful and is actually able to admire things. Not just that curious 'what is that' but the awe and just acceptance of beauty various objects contain.

momof1baby 04-17-2003 10:16 PM

Thanks for the input, I will keep all this in mind.

What do you all think about biting. Katie has always been a very, very mouthy baby. Everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING goes in her mouth and she does bite a lot (though not usually us), so is it unreasonable for me to tell her no when she attempts to bite something that could be potentially dangerous... i.e. I am trying to vacuum and she crawls over to the cord and tries to bite it. I'm always right there before she has a chance to even get it in her mouth.

Do I let her bite things that won't hurt her (toys, stuffed anumals, etc...) in hopes that she won't have a chance to bite on something that could hurt her. Right now I don't really place limits on the biting thing, unless it is one of us or someone else that she is biting, then she gets a stern "NO BITE".

beanma 04-18-2003 06:43 PM

my dd used to put everything in her mouth and try to chew on the vacuum cleaner cord, too. i just tried to redirect -- "that's not a good thing to chew on. you might get hurt. here's a rattle, bear, other fun thing you can chew on." it wasn't always successful and we didn't always get the floors vacuumed, but she did seem to get the idea without me having to be too harsh to her. it helped if dh was around to distract, too. she did grow out of it. 'course she hates the vacuum now, but that's another story...


momof1baby 04-19-2003 03:04 PM

Thanks, I think I have decided that redirecting and explaining is the best way to go.

kimbalicious 04-19-2003 03:25 PM

I think redirect is the way to go. My ds used to laugh his head off when I would say "No" when he was at the same age. I started using "No" only for dangerous things and would say instead "that's not for Taran (his name)". It took a bit of patience, but he started leaving things alone and stopped laughing and he's only 16.5 months now. It's weird how long/short time that is Now, we are still working on gentle touch .... I think it's all about setting up the relationship for the future, at this age they still don't understand that they can hurt other things (people, animals, etc) or that they can be hurt. They just want to DO!

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