3 years old is very hard for me... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 39 Old 06-05-2003, 12:38 PM
 
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Hello everyone! I am a very infrequent poster here, but thought I would add a little. My oldest will be three this month. We have been having a lot of problems here too. I followed this advice of someone from this board who said to read the book "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles". To my amazement, this book was an immediate help. This book isn't like most others that tell you how to parent your children by giving instructions or how it should be done. This book teaches you to understand your child (and yourself!!) and then decide what to do based on that understanding.

Even my husband commented last night that he has noticed a change around here. (Little does he know, I've been using my new knowledge on him too! )
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#32 of 39 Old 06-06-2003, 05:56 PM
 
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a book that is working for me is called Playful Parenting. it gives playing suggestions... but the most important bit I got from it was to try to diffuse tantrums with humor. So if she is falling on the floor in the produce aisle screaming, I might tickle her while I restrain her. Sometimes I make mock threats like "if you dont stop that right now Im going to stand on one leg and crow like a rooster!". Silly, but you know what, sometimes she forgets her tantrum.

I get so tired of the way Grace tries to hurt her sister or make her yell for help (Lily is 6 months) just to get attention. I am trying to get her to tell me when she needs some loving instead of trying to make Lily cry. Grace loves to pick her up, fold her like a taco, or yank on her dangling appendages when Im holding her.

And I really detest the days like today when she comes into the bedroom to wake me b y saying "mommeeee! get up, I need juicy now now now! Oh PLEASE get out of the bed mommy pleeeeeeeease" half whining half crying, mwanwhile either Lily is still asleep and needs to stay that way or I am nursing her and Grace is getting louder and more frantic sentence by sentence and cannot even hear my answer and validation of her concerns because she is carrying on so....

AUGH!!!! Im not even out of BED yet!!!!

Mostly I am trying to find ways to connect with her, next week Im going to make our first weekly date where we go do something (make a craft at a pottery store, roller skate, take a walk, go swimming) together without Lily. I am hoping that one outing a week together will make her feel better, and especially will make ME feel better about HER!

Several of us on the Nov Dec 2002 mom thread and in the moms of 2 or more 3 and under tribal areas have commiserated about age 3. Some days I feel like I'd sell her to the gypsies if some came to my door, and this was my high need baby that I loved smotheringly for years on end day and night..... sometimes I think for us it is a combination of new baby, age 3, plus me feeling burned out by the constant high stuff. She was really cool from 1-3, I thought all that AP stuff was paying off with meeting those attachment needs. But as new baby came, those feelings of independence and no more high need went right out the window.

I am so glad its not just me. I feel like such a horrible mom most days. But when my day begins with a whiny fit before my feet hit the floor, its hard to not want to hang up the apron and declare "My shift is now over!' at 5 pm. Needing that moms night out Im having next week!!
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#33 of 39 Old 06-06-2003, 07:17 PM
 
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Oh ging-ging, I could have written your post!!!!
My kids are almost the exact same age as yours (I think I mentioned that on another thread?) and we are dealing with the exact same issues
Waking up to tantrums, hurting the baby etc. etc. etc.
I too felt like we were doing such a great job before my son turned three, but three is a lot of work and in conjunction with a new baby sister he's been having a hard time

Some weeks are smoother than others - this week has been very sucky I feel like I'm doing an awful job of dealing with him and in return he's being awful right back at me!
I'm so glad it's friday and I can have a few days of tandem parenting - I could really use a fresh perepective from my husband and a moment to myself (A Moment to myself? What's that??????)

I wanted to add once again - thanks so much for this thread, it makes me feel so much better to know that I am not alone in the struggle
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#34 of 39 Old 06-06-2003, 07:20 PM
 
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Oh one more thing I wanted to add:

I recently made a little reminder for myself and put it on the fridge where I could see it everyday, it says:

Choose Love over Anger

Humor is the best medicine

This too shall pass


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#35 of 39 Old 06-07-2003, 07:38 PM
 
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Hey, that's a good idea!!!!! My twins are 3 in two weeks and it hasn't been a picnic...we have problems with DS2 yelling for NOGURRRRRRTTTTTT! Alll day long. DD gets insulted if you get frustrated....I just want to go home and hug them and kiss them right now! I just don't remember my oldest being this much of a trial!
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#36 of 39 Old 06-10-2003, 12:30 AM
 
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Wow, I needed to read this today! My 3yr old dd woke up my 9 month old during her nap again for the 3rd day in a row. She knows that waking the baby up is what will set me off the most and I feel like such a bad mommy when I get frustrated at her! I think I do need to do some special activities with her -- just the 2 of us.

It is such a difficult transition for her -- trying to realize all this new independence. It's a tough transition for me too -- I'm so used to having things my way -- and that's not happening now. And all the questions -- "why mama?" "why?"

One thing that we do when she's about to lose it and have a tantrum that works pretty well is that I have her ask for a compromise. If she can keep calm and ask for a compromise, I will usually figure something out so that she retains some power in the situation. So when I see the tears start and hear the voice start to get louder, I ask, "do you want a compromise?" And now she will often ask it before she loses it.

Thanks for all the reassurance that I'm not alone in this!
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#37 of 39 Old 06-11-2003, 12:39 AM
 
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I really like the idea of a compromise. Lately, I've been trying to do that, since the standing my ground thing has pretty much gone to the wind. (teething 3 month old with thrush and grouchy 3 year old reeealy trying my patience...)

So when ds says, "I want a cookie for breakfast," I try to find some way to accomodate him without totally letting him gorge himself on cookies at 7 o' clock in the morning. Usually I let him put one cookie on the plate and after he eats breakfast he can have it. But yesterday we made chocolate chip pancakes and they kind of looked like cookies, so that was fun.

Ok, I'm starting to ramble, but you all get my point right? I so love this thread
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#38 of 39 Old 06-11-2003, 10:14 AM
 
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I am so glad to find this thread! My DD is almost 3 and while many times she is great to be around, listens well etc the hitting and being mean is getting harder to deal with. I try to talk to her, why are you angry? Hitting hurts, you don't like to be hurt.... what do you do when she says yes I do like to be hit or bit. I know she doesn't mean it but I don't know how to respond. Or what do you do if she won't talk to me about it, or doesn't really know herself why she does it. Sometimes it just comes out of the blue, no words just WHAM. Other times it's because she can't have/do something, this I think is easier to deal with becuase the cause is obvious. I know it's a stage but sometimes it seems it's the only way she handles frustration. BTW we are AP, no spanking, EN etc. We work hard to treat our DD with respect.
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#39 of 39 Old 06-11-2003, 06:36 PM
 
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Kiddson...I am right with you. It's really frustrating sometimes with ds. I find myself quite often without a solution. I have a quick temper that I have worked very hard to get under control. My first instinct when I get hit, is to smack him back. I don't, but all of the stuff that goes along with that, trying to sort out my feelings, be proactive and teach rather than punish exhausts me. I keep trying to tell myself it's just a phase, but it is REALLY tough to maintain composure and stay grounded.

I'm glad that this tool is available to share and get some insights and other ideas of things to try. We are AP, no spanking either. I was not raised that way, so I work to NOT return to "what I know".

^^Liss
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