a book that is working for me is called Playful Parenting. it gives playing suggestions... but the most important bit I got from it was to try to diffuse tantrums with humor. So if she is falling on the floor in the produce aisle screaming, I might tickle her while I restrain her. Sometimes I make mock threats like "if you dont stop that right now Im going to stand on one leg and crow like a rooster!". Silly, but you know what, sometimes she forgets her tantrum.
I get so tired of the way Grace tries to hurt her sister or make her yell for help (Lily is 6 months) just to get attention. I am trying to get her to tell me when she needs some loving instead of trying to make Lily cry. Grace loves to pick her up, fold her like a taco, or yank on her dangling appendages when Im holding her.
And I really detest the days like today when she comes into the bedroom to wake me b y saying "mommeeee! get up, I need juicy now now now! Oh PLEASE get out of the bed mommy pleeeeeeeease" half whining half crying, mwanwhile either Lily is still asleep and needs to stay that way or I am nursing her and Grace is getting louder and more frantic sentence by sentence and cannot even hear my answer and validation of her concerns because she is carrying on so....
AUGH!!!! Im not even out of BED yet!!!!
Mostly I am trying to find ways to connect with her, next week Im going to make our first weekly date where we go do something (make a craft at a pottery store, roller skate, take a walk, go swimming) together without Lily. I am hoping that one outing a week together will make her feel better, and especially will make ME feel better about HER!
Several of us on the Nov Dec 2002 mom thread and in the moms of 2 or more 3 and under tribal areas have commiserated about age 3. Some days I feel like I'd sell her to the gypsies if some came to my door, and this was my high need baby that I loved smotheringly for years on end day and night..... sometimes I think for us it is a combination of new baby, age 3, plus me feeling burned out by the constant high stuff. She was really cool from 1-3, I thought all that AP stuff was paying off with meeting those attachment needs. But as new baby came, those feelings of independence and no more high need went right out the window.
I am so glad its not just me. I feel like such a horrible mom most days. But when my day begins with a whiny fit before my feet hit the floor, its hard to not want to hang up the apron and declare "My shift is now over!' at 5 pm. Needing that moms night out Im having next week!!