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#1 of 7 Old 08-13-2007, 09:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Have any of you read this book? The in-laws invited us to a seminar by the author. The Amazon description makes it seem somewhat GD, but it also looks very religious (not a problem for me but will most likely be for DH). Thanks
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#2 of 7 Old 08-14-2007, 01:39 AM
 
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From the reviews:

"Dr. Leman describes pulling the rug out from under the little buzzards. If a child begins whining about dinner, then simply throw dinner down the garbage disposal and excuse the child from the table."

and

"The overall strategies in this book have some clout, but the overwhelming religious preaching is a nuisance at best. Leman assumes everyone is religious and everyone who is religious is Christian. Constantly quoting the New Testament as if it were a Christian Bible class is a huge turn off in this book. Not to mention his blanket approval of spanking as long as you say you love them afterwards...."

and

"Although this book is well written and has excellent advice, I was put off by all the scripture quoting and references to "Our Heavenly Father". Also, I could not get past the fact that he condones spanking. "

Of course, it's always hard to know if the reviewers even read it!

Mommy to kids

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#3 of 7 Old 08-14-2007, 02:37 AM
 
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doesn't sound GD to me

mama to dd (4-15-06) and
ds (2-23-09)
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#4 of 7 Old 08-14-2007, 04:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by natensarah View Post
From the reviews:

"Dr. Leman describes pulling the rug out from under the little buzzards. If a child begins whining about dinner, then simply throw dinner down the garbage disposal and excuse the child from the table."

and

"The overall strategies in this book have some clout, but the overwhelming religious preaching is a nuisance at best. Leman assumes everyone is religious and everyone who is religious is Christian. Constantly quoting the New Testament as if it were a Christian Bible class is a huge turn off in this book. Not to mention his blanket approval of spanking as long as you say you love them afterwards...."

and

"Although this book is well written and has excellent advice, I was put off by all the scripture quoting and references to "Our Heavenly Father". Also, I could not get past the fact that he condones spanking. "

Of course, it's always hard to know if the reviewers even read it!
Yuck Going from the family's description (and the few reviews I read) it sounded very positive. I had no idea it condoned spanking. Think we may decline.. thanks!
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#5 of 7 Old 08-14-2007, 11:49 AM
 
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We took a Sunday school class on this at our church... And while he may have had a few useful tips (I think that there was something we took away from it and actually used, though at the moment I can't remember what) all-in-all it is NOT remotely GD in my opinion. In the video lessons, I think he only briefly mentioned spanking (but he did condone it) and I don't remember things being physically oriented otherwise, so it's not as bad as it could be I guess. But it REALLY was not gentle in nature...even in the small little comments he'd make it was clear he wanted fear based obedience (think more like a somewhat gentler approach to being domineering, still very control based just less aggressive). I think he briefly skirted around suggesting allowing children to face natural consequences at one point; but suggested imposing your own consequences and punishments more often. He stressed praising them which he contrasted to nit-picking to build their esteem and so on and so on.

There were some occasional jewels of usefulness, but not anything you couldn't probably find/learn elsewhere. The book might have been a bit different than the video seminars, but I imagine attending a seminar would have been pretty similar to the videos. I'm not sure I'd say it is religious because I found it a little irreverent, but...he does talk about the New Testment a lot and often uses the Bible as "proof" his method is what God wants us to do etc. So it'd probably be offputting... Plus he tried to hard to be funny.

I say if you feel saying no would be too rude, to tell the inlaws you'll check the book out of the library instead of going to the seminar. (That way you can skip past offensive stuff easier.) But I'd politely pass.
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#6 of 7 Old 08-14-2007, 02:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by CJNeeley View Post
We took a Sunday school class on this at our church... And while he may have had a few useful tips (I think that there was something we took away from it and actually used, though at the moment I can't remember what) all-in-all it is NOT remotely GD in my opinion. In the video lessons, I think he only briefly mentioned spanking (but he did condone it) and I don't remember things being physically oriented otherwise, so it's not as bad as it could be I guess. But it REALLY was not gentle in nature...even in the small little comments he'd make it was clear he wanted fear based obedience (think more like a somewhat gentler approach to being domineering, still very control based just less aggressive). I think he briefly skirted around suggesting allowing children to face natural consequences at one point; but suggested imposing your own consequences and punishments more often. He stressed praising them which he contrasted to nit-picking to build their esteem and so on and so on.

There were some occasional jewels of usefulness, but not anything you couldn't probably find/learn elsewhere. The book might have been a bit different than the video seminars, but I imagine attending a seminar would have been pretty similar to the videos. I'm not sure I'd say it is religious because I found it a little irreverent, but...he does talk about the New Testment a lot and often uses the Bible as "proof" his method is what God wants us to do etc. So it'd probably be offputting... Plus he tried to hard to be funny.

I say if you feel saying no would be too rude, to tell the inlaws you'll check the book out of the library instead of going to the seminar. (That way you can skip past offensive stuff easier.) But I'd politely pass.
Great idea. An aunt tried to give us a copy this past week actually. And I think my mom tried to give me a copy as well a couple months ago. I can't escape it They (in-laws) actually mentioned the logical consequences portion (which I agree with), but we are so not interested in fear-based domineering parenting. They seemed excited to invite us, saying the tickets are so hard to find, they would pay etc.. so there must be a lot of people interested in this guy. I don't think any of these family members spank, and they are never punitive with my son, so I'm wondering if the appeal is in the religious aspect of it. Is the book at all like Ezzo's works? Scheduling and the like?
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#7 of 7 Old 08-16-2007, 03:51 PM
 
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Just in general, any book that wants to teach me how to control my children isn't going to be anything that I will be interested in. I'm interesting in teaching my children to make sound choices, not force them into compliance. I believe when you parent by coercion and force, you do a huge disservice to the parent-child relationship; coercion and force are your only tools, and they're not really very good ones.
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