Originally Posted by dflanag2
but it seems that DS's expectations are higher--he doesn't want to do something unless he can do it perfectly. Or unless it is his idea, because once in a while he puts on socks/shoes himself, which shows he knows how to do the task, -dflanag2
My daughter is similar, and I am as well, unfortunately!
: There's actually a whole thread about it in Personal Growth. here
|I like the idea of negotiation (put toes in sock, I do the rest, etc.) but I think we may be overnegotiated at this point. My son will be a great litigator when he grows up. He is always trying to make a new deal after agreeing to the first deal. Maybe I will try just being silent and doing it.
As for the "I can't" I'm glad to hear it is a phase. I already reflect his feelings a lot, I think I will start asking for clarification: "What do you mean exactly? Are you tired or do you just not want to do what I asked?"
Has anyone had any luck with saying, "You can, you ARE doing it!" (makes me think of childbirth...)
My daughter is also a great negotiator, but this shows what great reasoning and logic skills they have! After reading some GD threads tonight, I thought about how I can adjust my style to be more proactive. Tonight, I asked her use the bathroom because I could see she needed to go. But she usually doesn't want to go because she is so entralled in what she is doing. So, I said, Well, I think it is important you go so that you learn that you can stop what you are doing and go potty and then go back to it, without waiting until the last second, when you have to sprint to the potty. She said Well, I just don't think I need to go (obviously still having to go while she's saying this). So I said, so maybe we are at an impasse then. She said "What's an impasse?" I said it's when you can't come to a compromise, do you know what a comprise is? She said no. I explained that it was when one person thinks one thing and another thinks a different thing, that they can make a decision that works for both of them. I said, can we come to a compromise? She got a great look on her face, and said, I know, maybe I could go play for two minutes and then come use the potty? I said OK, that's a great compromise! Good idea! She was so surprised at my reaction I guess, and she gave me a hug. We used this again later, and again she was delighted that her idea worked. Now if her idea didn't work for what we needed I would probably suggest something similar that I thought fit her needs. So I don't know if you think he is too young that this type of reasoning would work for him, but it sure worked for her! Maybe he could come up with a compromise of how much you help him?
As far as saying you can do it, you are doing it. This works sometimes, but much better if it's her own revelation. Sometimes if I try to guide her and show her how she can, and then she is able to do it, that makes her really surprised and proud. Sometimes if I just say it instead of guiding her how she can, she just says "No I can't!"
Incidently, we also use to have issues with shoes. She likes her shoes really tight for some reason, I have no idea why!
: So tight, that I think that she might not be getting enough circulation!
Anywho, she'll pull her velcro straps so tight that they come off sometimes just from the tension and moving her feet! When they keep coming off or loosen, she'll tighten them again and sometimes get very frustrated they won't stay. Sometimes she would get so frustrated to the point of tears. But she was at the point where she didn't want me to do it for her, so she wouldn't let me help. I try to explain why it keeps coming off, but I guess she thinks they should stay anyway! One pair of shoes she tightened and re-tightened so much that all the velcro came off the middle part of the straps! Then, of course, they really wouldn't do what she wanted them too. Well, her teacher had a stroke of genius that I didn't even think of. Obviously, she was seeing her struggle with this as well, and told Lillian (this was all relayed to me by dd), do you want me to show you a neat trick? Lillian of course wanted to see. Her teacher showed her that she could criss-cross her straps to get them to stay the way she wanted. That's the kind of innovative thinking that I wish I thought of sometimes! Most of the time after that she did not get upset, although she still tightens them to the hilt!