MIL "worried" about co-sleeping with babe, do y ou acknowledge it? - Mothering Forums
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 14 Old 09-12-2006, 06:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
peilover010202's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Indiana
Posts: 2,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Last night, my MIL voiced concern over the fact that I co-sleep with ds2 (6 weeks old). Dh does not because he's too heavy of a sleeper and ds1 crawls into bed with dh most nights anyway.

So, last night MIL said "do you know there is a wedge you can buy to separate you and Elliot in bed?" I said I did not (and I'm not interested) and she said that a friend told her about it. I kind of giggled and said "Oh." then she said, "no, I'm really worried about you sleeping with Elliot because soandso's girlfriends whatever suffocated their 2-1/2 month old. :

I left it alone, telling her that dh had told me the story (which she had told him a month or so ago.)

So, do you try to defend your choice or not bother? I feel very comfortable with our sleeping arrangments, so part of me just wants to ignore her.

Steph, wife to C, mama to O :, E , and I :.
peilover010202 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 14 Old 09-12-2006, 07:05 PM
 
desultory's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 147
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't defend my parenting choices to people who are critical or hostile. I figure I know what works best for me and my family, and I don't give a rat's furry a** what anybody else says. Ahem. Can you tell I recently heard a diatribe from a neighbor on childrearing? Don't weary yourself trying to convince people. Incidentally, I think it was unkind of her to tell that story to you -- the last thing I want to hear when I have a baby in the house is a dead baby story.
desultory is offline  
#3 of 14 Old 09-12-2006, 07:17 PM
 
dogmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 219
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Your sleeping arrangements are nobody else's business. I've had comments and simply said, "I'm comfortable with our arrangement," then changed the subject.
dogmama is offline  
 
#4 of 14 Old 09-12-2006, 07:39 PM
 
rmzbm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: NC
Posts: 15,101
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
I would have told her to mind her own business. But'm I'm bitchy & LOATHE my inlaws.

~Marie: Mom to DS(17), DS(16), DD(14), DD(10), DD(8) & someone new on the way.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
rmzbm is offline  
#5 of 14 Old 09-12-2006, 07:47 PM
 
HerthElde's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Mother Earth
Posts: 2,999
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Honestly if it was anyone else, I'd probably just change the subject. However, if it was my MIL, if she brought it up again (I wouldn't start the subject), I'd be prepared to go into certain things such as how it's far safer to sleep with your baby than put baby in a crib, how mother's "instincts", which are hormonally driven, play a huge role in safety and how things such as drinking, smoking, etc, can interfere with those instincts and that's part of why cosleeping *can* be unsafe, how even bottlefeeding mothers or fathers can "develop" the right instincts (don't know how else to put it), but that mothers and fathers who are "trained" to ignore their baby's needs don't have those instincts, etc, etc.
HerthElde is offline  
#6 of 14 Old 09-12-2006, 08:04 PM
 
BelgianSheepDog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: unemployed in Greenland
Posts: 6,878
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Unless your inlaws live with you, I'm at a loss as to how any of them ever know where anyone sleeps. My inlaws think the baby sleeps in a crib down the hall. Not because I've lied--I haven't--but because they think that's how everyone does things and I know better than to argue with them because they are bullheaded, bossy, and intrusive. So I let them think that and the crib remains in 6 pieces, unassembled, leaned against a wall.
BelgianSheepDog is offline  
#7 of 14 Old 09-12-2006, 08:39 PM
 
MotherWhimsey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,387
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
this is definately not the best way to deal with it, but this is what I do. lol when my inlaws (or parents or who ever) voice a worry about something I find ridiculous, I generally say something I "worry" about that's equally ridiculous back to them. So say it was my mom who said "i'm worried about you cosleeping cause so and so suffocated their baby." I'd probably say, "that reminds me, I was thinking about it the other day, I heard of a woman who was 52 and her spleen exploded one day while she was driving and she died in a firey crash. I'm really concerned about you driving now."

Like I said, not the best way to deal with it, but I have fun thinking up random things to "worry" about so it distracts me from getting pissed about it.
MotherWhimsey is offline  
#8 of 14 Old 09-12-2006, 08:43 PM
 
Beeblebrox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: In a sleepy haze
Posts: 3,065
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog
Unless your inlaws live with you, I'm at a loss as to how any of them ever know where anyone sleeps. My inlaws think the baby sleeps in a crib down the hall. Not because I've lied--I haven't--but because they think that's how everyone does things and I know better than to argue with them because they are bullheaded, bossy, and intrusive. So I let them think that and the crib remains in 6 pieces, unassembled, leaned against a wall.
What she said.

Mama to : '05, '08, '10 and expecting our 3rd homebirth.jpgJanuary '13

Beeblebrox is offline  
#9 of 14 Old 09-12-2006, 09:36 PM
 
spughy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Victoria, BC
Posts: 5,249
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just to play devil's advocate here - my MIL voiced some concerns about cosleeping early on. I don't get along super-smoothly with MIL by any stretch of the imagination but rather than dismissing her out of hand I explained exactly what the risks of cosleeping were and what we were doing to mitigate (or eliminate) them and what the benefits were to us. She has not said anything about it since. I don't know your family situation but grandmothers have an interest in the health of their grandkids too, and I think their concerns need to be addressed with respect.

Of course, if they keep harping on about it, I'm all for the exploding-spleen-firey-crash response. That's awesome.

Postpartum doula & certified breastfeeding educator, mama to an amazing girl (11/05) and a wee little boy (3/13).

spughy is offline  
#10 of 14 Old 09-12-2006, 10:04 PM
 
blsilva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: California
Posts: 2,031
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My MIL brought up her "concerns" about our sleeping arrangement every time we saw her. We tried defending our choices, but she is very hard-headed, and very critical, so there was no way to get her to change her mind. We ended up avoiding her until she let it drop.
I don't know your MIL, but I think if it were me, I'd let it go unless she brings it up. Debates w/MIL are never fun. I've tried. :
Unless she is evil like my MIL, she is probably concerned for her grandchild (a good thing, even if that concern is misplaced). Most people have been told over the years how dangerous it is to co-sleep, and need reassurance that it is safe. I would not hesitate to tell her about studies showing that it is safer than a crib. But, if she really cannot let it go, you may have to tell her it is your choice as the parent, and that she will have to respect that, even if she cannot agree with it.

Homeschooling mom of 2 rambunctious, loving, spectacular boys, wife to an incredible man who has been my best friend on this journey <3

 

 

blsilva is offline  
#11 of 14 Old 09-12-2006, 10:18 PM
 
stanswife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Posts: 354
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotherWhimsey
this is definately not the best way to deal with it, but this is what I do. lol when my inlaws (or parents or who ever) voice a worry about something I find ridiculous, I generally say something I "worry" about that's equally ridiculous back to them. So say it was my mom who said "i'm worried about you cosleeping cause so and so suffocated their baby." I'd probably say, "that reminds me, I was thinking about it the other day, I heard of a woman who was 52 and her spleen exploded one day while she was driving and she died in a firey crash. I'm really concerned about you driving now."

Like I said, not the best way to deal with it, but I have fun thinking up random things to "worry" about so it distracts me from getting pissed about it.
:
stanswife is offline  
#12 of 14 Old 09-12-2006, 11:59 PM
 
Telle Bear's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Eliot Maine
Posts: 865
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotherWhimsey
this is definately not the best way to deal with it, but this is what I do. lol when my inlaws (or parents or who ever) voice a worry about something I find ridiculous, I generally say something I "worry" about that's equally ridiculous back to them. So say it was my mom who said "i'm worried about you cosleeping cause so and so suffocated their baby." I'd probably say, "that reminds me, I was thinking about it the other day, I heard of a woman who was 52 and her spleen exploded one day while she was driving and she died in a firey crash. I'm really concerned about you driving now."

Like I said, not the best way to deal with it, but I have fun thinking up random things to "worry" about so it distracts me from getting pissed about it.
OK...... so you are a riot!! LOL
Telle Bear is offline  
#13 of 14 Old 09-13-2006, 02:34 AM
 
quirkylayne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 1,663
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
.
quirkylayne is offline  
#14 of 14 Old 09-13-2006, 02:56 PM
 
northwoods1995's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 1,700
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My MIL just brought it up this weekend. She said she was concerned about DD getting squished--she wasn't being rude or obnoxious about it.

BUT, I feel no need to defend my choices to her. She raised her kids, I'm raising mine.

I said something about she shouldn't worry b/c DD is such a bed hog she gets 95% of the bed and and I get about 2 inches worth of space. Then I ignored whatever else she said about it and started talking about something else.

Sometimes I ignore people who say things this and change the subject. Sometimes I will discuss it with people, it just depends on my mood.
northwoods1995 is offline  
Reply


User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Online Users: 1,455

8 members and 1,447 guests
amcg , bellydancingmommy , blessedwithboys , idler , KerriB , lauritagoddess , stellanyc
Most users ever online was 21,860, 06-22-2018 at 09:45 PM.