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-   -   Second Guessing Myself. Considering Dual Care w/OB. (

tyisrrs 05-10-2007 05:47 PM

Ladies, please talk to me.

I am having all these fears now that I have experienced a good bout of overwhelming pregnancy symptoms. I am worried too because I had a really difficult and painful miscarriage where I ended up in the ER which wasn't even necessary in hindsight; I just couldn't take the pain anymore. So, I am worried that I am not the strong woman I thought I was. I am worried I won't be able to take the pain of childbirth and will end up in the hospital, or that something will happen that requires me to see an OB. And my big fear is that if I do indeed end up in the hands of medical care that it will be with strangers, instead of someone/people who I have built some kind of relationship with and understand my needs for a non-interventionist birth.

Please talk to me about these things and ease my fears.

WishingNHoping 05-10-2007 06:29 PM

Oh Hun,
I dont think you would be normal if you didnt have those fears (or perhaps that is just what I tell myself because Im having the same ones)

I think that your miscarriage and how you handled an incredibly negative emotional event is no indication of how you will handle the perfectly wonderful birth of your healthy child. Were you planning on going UC? or with a midwife? Talk to your midwife about what happens if you get classified as high risk down the road for whatever reason. Ask her who her backup OB is.. If you are planning on UC, I've got no help there cause even with my absolute hatred of all things allopathic, It is not something I understand.

My mantra when I get scared about these things is "Your body is not a lemon" - written by the wonderful Mrs. Ina May Gaskin. You can do this.

organic-momma 05-10-2007 06:47 PM

I think EVERYONE has those fears. I'm not sure what the laws are like in your state, but if your midwife has hospital privledges if you do end up having to go to the hospital you would still have their aid in supporting you. Talk to you midwife, they should be able to calm some of your worries.

DoulaLMT 05-10-2007 07:38 PM

You might also consider hiring a doula. It helps to have someone with you who has been through it before and can help you to stay focused. Women who wouldn't have natural births alone are able to when they are well supported.

lilylove 05-10-2007 07:53 PM

I second the doula suggestion.
If you are seeing a midwife, then talk to her, she may ease your fears.

Also, there is a quote, (I can't for the life me remember who said it though).....
"There is a secret in our society. It is not that birth is painful, but that women are strong!" I understand why you are afraid, but remember you are strong

tyisrrs 05-11-2007 12:17 PM

Thank you so much for your heartfelt replies. I really needed the support.

My midwife does have a back up OB, but he's not in my insurance plan, and considering I'm already paying close to $7k out of pocket to use a midwife and doula, I definately can't afford to go outside of my HMO to use a doctor; the costs would get unbearable if I had to get a c-section. So, I will have to go to emergency care at my local hospital if I need medical care. I don't even have an OB right now. My last OB left her practice and I haven't bothered to find another one (I'm only a couple months late on my PAP).

I will hire a doula, and will look for someone who will be with me from the start of labor, for as long as I need her. I want as much support as possible with me, I think I may have some abandonment issues...

Sandy, that quote especially hit home to me, it actually made me teer up.

I know I will continue care with my midwife, I just have to read and do as much preperation as possible before the birth.

lilylove 05-11-2007 12:36 PM

I think doing a lot of reading is a great idea. Knowledge is power! 'The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth' by Henci Gower is awesome.

pampered_mom 05-11-2007 02:19 PM

Don't forget that even if you do start seeing an OB it doesn't mean that's the one that will be there if you were to end up at the hospital. With ds I had gone with OB care, but I only had a 25% chance of having her there.

you can do it, mama!

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