Anyone else not telling the kid(s) yet? - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 17 Old 07-12-2007, 11:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am 12 1/2 weeks along and we're holding off on telling our DS, who is three. We just know that we will be badgered about it and questioned about it daily for the next six months, so that's our main reason! It's not so much about a fear of losing the pregnancy, though that may be a small factor. I had a m/c in November and for a good two months afterward he was still announcing that "I'm gonna be a big brudder!" It was hard to explain that yes, probably someday he would be, but that this baby wasn't going to come and we needed to wait a while for a baby.

Anyhow, anyone else holding off on telling?
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#2 of 17 Old 07-12-2007, 11:20 AM
 
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i told my daughter (then almost 3.5) the day i found out i was pregnant in october. i ended m/c'ing a few days later, and she was doing the same thigns your son was. i was trying to hold off this time, but after telling my kids i was too tired to play with them for a few days in a row early on, i just told them (just turned 2 & 4).

Jenn, wife to John
Mama to Kayleigh (6), Ethan (4), Norah (1), & Charlotte coming 11.09
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#3 of 17 Old 07-12-2007, 04:33 PM
 
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We have not told ours yet...I plan to after the next midwife appt.

Alicia mama to 3 boys 6 and under.
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#4 of 17 Old 07-12-2007, 04:42 PM
 
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Mine know... Well, my 4 yr old knows.. I dont think my 2 yr old understands and Im sure my 1 yr old doesnt lmao.. but my 4 yr old is now walking around the house all day saying "Mommys having a baby" he asks daily if we are having the baby today lol.. but the reason we told him is because he plays ROUGH and like to jump on me and usually ends up on my belly.. and hes like 36 lb lmao.. so we told him that there is a baby in mommys belly and that he cant play rough on mommy belly because he might hurt the baby.. hes being really sweet about it and he does remember my pregnancy with Alex.. he keeps referring to my last pregnancy
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#5 of 17 Old 07-12-2007, 06:17 PM
 
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Mine are older and my DH made the huge mistake of handing the 6 year old the pregnancy test while we were at the grocery store to put in the cart. Of course she reads it then crosses the store towards me bellowing, "Mommy!!! I've got a baby test!!!" then proceeds to badger me for days about taking it. She somehow realized when I got up at 4am the morning I took it and was waiting for me to find out what it was so there just wasn't any hope of keeping it from her. She's um... very excited but not nearly as persistently annoying about it all as I feared she'd be (she's an incredibly persistent child). So yeah, my girls know as did pretty much everyone in their school within days. *sigh*
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#6 of 17 Old 07-12-2007, 06:21 PM
 
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I haven't told my kids, however they know. Well at least my 3 year old does. He's been telling me "Mommy i need a baby sister, Its the only thing i don't have"

He told my dad "Pa, I need a baby sister"

Um, We haven't told our parents either yet lol
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#7 of 17 Old 07-13-2007, 03:01 AM
 
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We had 2 m/cs between our first and second child. You can bet that with the second child, I held off until I was 6 months along to be sure things were not vague!

DS has been asking for a little brother and a little sister. I told him he already has a little sister and I hope to God we're not having twins... I haven't even told DH yet... so God help me... DH wanted to snip snip after DD was born, but I said I wasn't ready to mourn the loss of my unborn children. I have always wanted a brood of 3, and my first midwife appointment is Monday. Wish me luck. After 2 m/cs I so desperately want and need to hear that reassuring heartbeat...

Sign hanging in Albert Einstein's office at Princeton: Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted, counts.
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#8 of 17 Old 07-13-2007, 03:47 AM
 
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My daughter is 3.5 years old. We waited to officially tell her until I had an ultrasound at 11w. I had a really rough start (lots of bleeding) to this pregnancy, and dd is a very sensitive little girl. We wanted to be sure that this would stick before telling her. We brought her into the u/s room to show her. The tech printed an u/s pic just for her - she took it with her EVERYWHERE. She is very excited to finally be a big sister.

I'm fairly sure she knew ahead of time, though. Two weeks before the ultrasound, she was sitting on the counter while I brushed her hair. She kept giving my hugs around my middle, and then patted my tummy and said "Mommy, is your tummy getting bigger again?" I said "what do you mean, again?" She replied "bigger like when I was in your tummy!"
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#9 of 17 Old 07-13-2007, 04:25 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixMom View Post
We had 2 m/cs between our first and second child. You can bet that with the second child, I held off until I was 6 months along to be sure things were not vague!

DS has been asking for a little brother and a little sister. I told him he already has a little sister and I hope to God we're not having twins... I haven't even told DH yet... so God help me... DH wanted to snip snip after DD was born, but I said I wasn't ready to mourn the loss of my unborn children. I have always wanted a brood of 3, and my first midwife appointment is Monday. Wish me luck. After 2 m/cs I so desperately want and need to hear that reassuring heartbeat...
Good luck to you!

I can understand waiting if you've experienced a miscarriage. Or waiting if you have any patience at all. We told dd (3.5) right away and she shared the news quickly. I worry about how confusing it could be for her if things don't go as we hope.

Initially she asked several times a day if the baby had come yet, so we sat down and watched some home births on youtube and I showed her how big my belly will have to be before a baby comes out. Then I talked with her about timelines in terms of events, "first we will go to the beach with Granny, then comes Halloween, then comes... etc". It's still out of her scope, but we go through the timeline often, so when the events come up they aren't a big surprise and eventually it should all pan out. Also, I've explained about the wait using the weather, how it's summer and hot out now, then it will get colder out, and around the time it snows it will be close to baby time.

With all of that she seems to be understanding a little more as time goes by, and knows it's not going to happen today or anytime too soon. I dug out my belly pictures when I was pregnant with her and showed her that progression.

She now hugs my belly several times a day and gives her gestating little sibling raspberries. Sometimes she tries this in public, lifting my shirt, pulling down my waistband...
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#10 of 17 Old 07-13-2007, 04:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Mama_Bear View Post
She kept giving my hugs around my middle, and then patted my tummy and said "Mommy, is your tummy getting bigger again?" I said "what do you mean, again?" She replied "bigger like when I was in your tummy!"
So intuitive!
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#11 of 17 Old 07-13-2007, 12:30 PM
 
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My ds has autism, and we're not sure how much of such an abstract concept he can grasp right now, so we're waiting until I'm REALLY showing and he can feel the baby moving, etc..

In fact, figuring out how to explain all this to ds is probably the biggest source of stress in this pregnancy right now.
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#12 of 17 Old 07-13-2007, 01:06 PM
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I can't figure out how kids would not figure it out - don't they hear you talking about it??

My DD is 3, and she was the first person we told. DH said "Well, we should probably tell the person who this is going to affect the most". She has been really great about it. She got to tell a lot of our friends for the first time, so she was in the middle of the excitement. We explained that the baby was very small and had to grow up a lot before it could be born. Then we found some pictures on the internet of what babies look like in utero, and told her just how big the baby is. I showed her pictures of me with her in my belly and said that my belly had to get that big before the baby would be ready to come out. She totally gets it. She asks if the baby is growing arms and legs. She asks if we can buy a high chair for the new baby. Sharing this with her has brought so much joy to the pregnancy.

g.

Canadian mama to A (C/S May 2004) and R (induced VBAC Dec 2007) expecting #3 in July.  Currently obsessing over permaculture, photography and beekeeping.

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#13 of 17 Old 07-13-2007, 03:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by FelixMom View Post
... I haven't even told DH yet... so God help me...
Awww...good luck!
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#14 of 17 Old 07-13-2007, 03:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by g&a View Post
I can't figure out how kids would not figure it out - don't they hear you talking about it??
We just never say the word "baby"! Sometimes we say pregnant, or expecting, and he just doesn't appear to catch on yet. We've also asked our family/friends not to discuss it in front of him. I guess some might say that's deceitful, but this just feels like the right thing at this point. I'm definitely looking forward to telling him and sharing the experience, maybe in a month or two. I'm sure he'll come along to some of my MW appts and hear the h/b, and I'll certainly want him to understand what we're doing at that time.
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#15 of 17 Old 07-13-2007, 04:14 PM
 
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We tried really hard not to let our children know, mainly because we've had losses in the past, and we were really unsure about how we felt about the pregnancy. Unfortunately, my morning, afternoon and evening sickness gave it away to my oldest son (11 yo). He'd just been through my pregnancies with my 3 yo and my 16 mo, so he knew the signs. The first evening I ran from the dinner table, he knew!

As for my 3 yo, we waited until around 12 weeks (I'm actually due at the end of Dec, but expect to go over) to tell her. Although I think she already knew. Right before I found out about the pregnancy, she had insisted that we needed to add a baby sister to our family, and had gone on and on about it for several days. We had told her repeatedly that our family was complete and we weren't adding any more babies to it. Must have confused her completely when we came back a few weeks later to tell her we were....
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#16 of 17 Old 07-16-2007, 01:50 AM
 
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As for my 3 yo, we waited until around 12 weeks (I'm actually due at the end of Dec, but expect to go over) to tell her. Although I think she already knew. Right before I found out about the pregnancy, she had insisted that we needed to add a baby sister to our family, and had gone on and on about it for several days. We had told her repeatedly that our family was complete and we weren't adding any more babies to it. Must have confused her completely when we came back a few weeks later to tell her we were....
: Yeah, do kids have ESP??? I haven't told DS yet. Don't plan to for a little while, but he's been bugging me to have maybe 1 or 2 more kids. And the other day, he said something in 5 yr old speak implying that I already had a baby-with-no-name-yet growing in my belly.

Mamas, send some good vibes my way for tomorrow. I meet the midwife tomorrow and would love to hear a heartbeat and also an ultrasound to see how far along I really am...

TIA

Sign hanging in Albert Einstein's office at Princeton: Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted, counts.
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#17 of 17 Old 07-16-2007, 12:36 PM
 
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DD1 told us!

The night before I test we were fairly certain, but not positive. DD1 (she was almost 3) started talking about a baby boy as though he were in the room with us. It was freaky-weird. We told her the next day after I took the test. I'm sure that not having had any loses made it easier for us to tell her. We waited to tell family until 10 weeks (after u/s), but we had told several friends already.

--LEE
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