Dilemma - when to tell work... advice? - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 8 Old 07-13-2007, 01:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have my first appt on Monday when I'll be 13 weeks. I am _very_ reluctant to use the Doppler or ultrasound. But I also want to make sure this is a viable pregnancy... Last time I refused the Doppler and then told a few people at work at 13wks and the next day started spotting and found out it was a blighted ovum.

So, I don't want to do that again. I'm definitely bigger than last time and can clearly feel my uterus. I'm praying that I will soon feel movement to 'prove' that there's really a baby in there so I don't have to do the Doppler. I've heard that using visual ultrasound is less 'exposure' for the baby and thus better than the Doppler (more focused higher energy beam) so I'm thinking maybe I can get them to do a 10-second in-office visual ultrasound instead of the doppler? It might take a bit of begging for that (they don't have the u/s machines in every room).

Or should I just wait it out like in the old days? I don't know how much longer I can hide it - I'm wearing baggy shirts etc. I'm not that big on 'empty' but as soon as I eat I get bloated so by the end of the day I'm definitely bigger. Maybe I can last another week or so like this? I don't know.

What would you do?
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#2 of 8 Old 07-13-2007, 01:36 AM
 
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Hugs.

I, personally, would have the Doppler at your appt and get the reassurance that hearing the heartbeat would bring. It *sounds* like this pregnancy is different than your blighted ovum, hopefully the dr will be able to give you more confirmation about that. Once you hear the baby, would you feel comfortable telling people at work? I'm assuming you're hesitating because of concerns about another non-viable pregnancy and not because of any certain negativity at your workplace.

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#3 of 8 Old 07-13-2007, 02:21 AM
 
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If you are getting bigger then Im betting that something is growing in there

I also had those concerns about the doppler but considered getting the peace of mind to be worth the miniscule risk that may be present.

It was wonderful to hear the heartbeat and Ive been so glad to tell people now that it is more "real" to me.
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#4 of 8 Old 07-13-2007, 01:18 PM
 
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Perhaps ask them to try with the fetoscope first, just in case. There's a slim chance they'd find it with the fetoscope at 13 weeks, but if you're slim the chances are higher. Then proceed to begging for the quickie visual.

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#5 of 8 Old 07-13-2007, 03:18 PM
 
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I had a blighted ovum at 10.5 weeks last pregnancy. Consider this, IF (IF!) you were to have a blighted ovum again (slim possibility at this juncture), would you have a D&C or wait it out to miscarry naturally? I have known women who have found out they are going ot miscarry and the torture of not miscarrying naturally in a quick time frame can be more devastating then finding out by spotting. I personally would not want to know ahead of time if I am going to miscarry, because I want to miscarry naturally if it is to happen, and I want to enjoy every moment I am pregnant. As I said to my DH (who was very fearful of a 2nd miscarriage early on), "Whether I miscarry tomorrow, or in a month, I am pregnant today, and that is all that matters today, I will enjoy every moment God gives me of this pregnancy that I possibly can."

I focus instead on waiting for my big fetoscope appointment in late August when we will be able to hear the heartbeat. I am far too wary about the unknown (maybe subtle, or just undiscovered) effects of ultrasound (dopplers are more intense) on the baby; particularly, because the waves heat up the baby's core by up to four degrees F. I think that is a lot of variation in temperature, considering the delicate nature of developement in the womb, especially in brain developement. It is a fact that left handedness can be a side effect of US, and left handedness that is not associated with hereditary IS associated with mental disabilities (although, of course, that is not always the case). Not enough studies have been done in my opinion on the safety of US use. Besides, the old saying that US has been in use for over 40 years as proof doesn't sit well, because when US was first developed they used much less intense waves, and now there is little control over the intensity of the waves, it all depends on the technician and their experience/ability.

I am not trying to scare you. Lots of women get ultrasounds and have children that grow into healthy adults. I'M just not convinced, and since you obviously aren't either, I decided to share my personal reasons to avoid US exposure at any level, unless medically necessary (midwives may need to use a doppler in labor if they can't find the heartbeat with a fetoscope, and I consented only if necessary since at that time the baby will be fully developed).

Anyway, I guess if I couldn't find any peace over it, I would weigh the stress I am causing on my baby (via stress hormones) versus the potential risks of US and make my decision based on that. Good luck and let us know what you decide.

Oh! And to answer your original question, I wouldn't say a word, but if someone were to pointedly ask (they probably wouldn't, just in case you were putting on a few pounds instead of being preggo though), then I would tell them the truth. I would just wear loose tops, nothing tight, until there was no doubt it is a preggo belly and not fat. Anyway, the popular style right now is empire waist tops and tunics, so it should be easy to hide.
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#6 of 8 Old 07-13-2007, 10:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks all for your replies and advice!

Quote:
Once you hear the baby, would you feel comfortable telling people at work? I'm assuming you're hesitating because of concerns about another non-viable pregnancy and not because of any certain negativity at your workplace.
Yeah, I'm hesitating just because I don't want to have to tell people about a miscarriage... No negativity at work, just my own professional concerns for not wanting to tell until I'm sure. Only a few people know about the miscarriage and I hate the idea that they are 'watching' me to see when I'll get pg again, so I don't want the whole world knowing. I know there's always a chance things can go wrong at a later stage, but I felt pretty silly last time.

I am very tempted to just try to hear the heartbeat, but then I think I should just be more patient and avoid exposure...! There is no medical reason to check after all... So I think I'm leaning toward not doing it, but still waffling a bit!

tyissrs - Thanks for the encouragement along this line - glad you don't think I'm crazy for wanting to wait it out. I would want to m/c naturally if possible so I do not want to know before it happens - I just have to hide it from other people until I'm more confident. I'm actually feeling pretty good about the pregnancy (am trying to be thankful everyday! so I don't think I'm overstressing) - it's just annoying to keep it secret so long and deal with limited clothes. Do you agree that a brief exposure (like 10 seconds) to visual u/s is the second best option (after none at all)?

simplehome - thanks for the idea to ask for a fetoscope check. the m/w will probably laugh at me for asking, but i am slim, so maybe there's a chance.
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#7 of 8 Old 07-16-2007, 01:21 PM
 
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Definately a regular ultra sound is better than a doppler, and the shorter the exposure, the less the risk (?) one would assume. If you are terribly stressed, just get an US, but just be sure to interview the tech if possible before getting the US to ask questions about their experience and if they are knowledgable about what levels of ultrasound waves to use and how to minimize exposure. I wouldn't let someone US me who poopooed away my concerns, but if they answered my questions and gave good answers, and I felt like I had no other choice to find peace of mind, then, yes, this is the route I would go. Good luck to you. I hope you find peace soon, whatever you choose to do.
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#8 of 8 Old 07-17-2007, 11:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just an update - I decided not to do the Doppler at my appt yesterday. They confirmed that my size is right for the # of weeks which is good. It was kind of anticlimactic. She wouldn't try the fetoscope - too early. My next appt is in 4 weeks so I will probably have to make my decision about telling work before then - not sure I can hide it 4 more weeks, but probably at least 2 I hope! Anyway, I'm feeling ok for now - feeling more confident sometimes, and also realizing that I can wait on the work decision - probably no one will notice anyway!

Thanks everyone for your support.
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