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Overproducktion 03-19-2004 06:47 PM

All 3 of my boys are circ'd

I will regret it for the rest of my life. Thank goodness our 4th was a girl...dh said he would take him to get circ'd if it was a boy. I told him over my dead body he would....but any way it was a girl, so we didn't have to worry about it.

I talk to all of my boys openly about it. I hope that when/if they have baby boys some day they will keep them intact. Hopefully I can stop the cycle for my grandchildren.

I feel SO strongly about this that if I was to have more boy babies in the future, I would get a court order (or try to) to prevent my husband from taking him to circ'd. Even if it meant my marriage ending in divorce. (i doubt it would--dh is pretty AP--except when it comes to circ. but he would come around eventually : )

zaftigmama 03-23-2004 03:34 AM

I don't want to get in a marital dispute or anything, but without a mother's permission, a father can't have a son circumcised. Or is that a MA law? I assumed it was true everywhere. If you let your dr. know you want your son intact, nothing your dh does will be able to over-rule that.

Sorry to step on toes!
Take care,

Frankly Speaking 03-23-2004 05:24 AM


In all states it only takes one parent to consent for a circumcision and that can be either parent. However, there would be very few doctors that would circumcise a boy if the mother had made her objection of circumcision known regardless of what the father says. To circumcise a boy over the objections of the mother would leave them open for a lawsuit and very few would risk that.


Skywise 03-24-2004 09:12 AM

Posting after the fact... and my condolences to all those parents whose ds's have been circ'ed.

My dw and I were kind of ambivalent about the whole circ issue (I know, I know... ignorance is bliss ) and hadn't really decided one way or the other until we were attending childbirth classes at our hospital. They showed a photograph of a baby boy strapped down for the 'procedure'... no video, no before and after, nothing but that one photograph... and the poor little man looked so lost and scared that I leaned over to dw and said "There is NO WAY someone is doing that to my son"

Proud to say he's 9 mos. old, breast-fed, perfectly healthy and completely intact... sad to say his 3 mo. old cousin isn't. Unfortunately some people go ahead with circ even when glaring evidence regarding how unneccessary it is is presented to them.

Okay, off my soapbox now. but still (and always) proud of my ds and of my dw and I for leaving him as he was created

deleria 04-01-2004 01:33 AM

Our oldest son (now seven) was circ'd, which still saddens me to this day. We were young, had no support and no real information. Yet, we were still on the fence about the issue until my partner's boss came in and told us why he had circ'd his son six months prior. Apparently, Boss had a severe infection that 'required' him to have a circ at 20. He said it was the most painful thing he's ever been through, and didn't want his son to go through that.

Ok, yes. Yes, I know. Obviously I can NOW see why this made no sense. But at the time, after being through a very long, traumatic birth, all I could think about was protecting my baby. It swayed us just enough to have it done

My healing began when I found out, five years later, that we were expecting our second child - a son. By then I knew a lot more about circ than before. The internet was flourishing and the medical community was much more in favour of intact boys (at least around here).

While my first son will never get his forskin back, my second son is still intact. The funny thing is that we did what we did, both times, out of love. The first decision was ignorant, but all we wanted was the best for our child. If he ever asks, I will tell him we regret it, but that we truly did it because, at the time, we thought it was the best thing for him.

However, my guilt has now been replaced by a strong need to share our story and also how unnecessary and dangerous this 'routine' proceedure can be. I find my advocacy far more productive than my guilt. I truly believe at least a handful of baby boys have been left intact due, in some part, to our story. I guess there's a bit of a happy ending here after all...

Seeking Refuge 04-08-2004 12:14 PM

My son is not intact because I let his father make the decision.
DH is a wonderful man but was just not well informed. Most of his information came from his mother and three years ago, Dh still thought his mother was the supreme resource on parenting.

It was horrible. I had actually changed my mind and went to tell them but it was too late, the pediatrician had come in early and "done it" already. (The staff also ignored our request to be present when it happen) I cry about it often.

Thankfully dh has promised me that if the babe I am carrying right now is a boy, we will not circ.

Laine 04-12-2004 06:06 AM

Circ letter
I have never posted here before but was very compelled by your plea in loving support of your friend's baby. So here goes...

We believed we were informed when we circ-ed our first son. He was 8 days old because he'd been ill and we waited. I can't believe I actually walked him in there to have it done. He was altered afterwards. He was just a different baby those days following the procedure.

I had had a traumatic cesarean and was very into gathering info and making better choices when we decided to have a HBAC with our next baby. I had decided not to do the circ, but my husband was still not convinced. When I lifted that sweet baby out of the water and my husband said "What is it?" I lifted him further and we saw his little penis, and my heart sank at the thought of what I still had to face (the battle) but later my husband told me when he saw our son's perfect little penis, he could not imagine cutting him.

My own reasons had been, first, the lack of evidence that it was necessary. Kids get ear infections all the time; we don't operate until it becomes a chronic problem. Why operate on the foreskin in case later it becomes infected. We no longer take out tonsils, and are evolving away from other such ideas.

Second, I can't give it back to him, not ever. It was not my right to cut my first son's body. Just as I felt I had been needlessly cut in my birth of him, I had allowed him to be needlessly cut. IT'S NOT MY BODY. IT'S NOT MY CHOICE TO MAKE. If my son wants it done later, I will inform him and then support him. I doubt he will, but you never know.

Studies have shown a lower pain threshold in boys who are circumcised. There is permanent psycological damage done. It changes who they are in a very core way.

I believe we are born the way we are intended to be. If it were not necessary, it would have over hundreds of generations, shrunk and vanished on its own.

So, we have one with, and one without. Here are the differences we have seen:

Our son who is:

Initial response and much pain in care in those first days

A very bad scar on one side of the cut, puffy, red scar tissue (he's almost 7). I can only hope he does not end up with a bent penis when having an erection later in life, an unfortunate result that his dad has.

At least 4 infections of the opening of his urethra. Constant irritation and chaffing. Complaints of burning and itching of the head of his penis. Little boys often "leak" a bit of urine before making themselves stop playing to go pee. They get a wet spot on their undies and it rubs their penis.

Our son who is intact:
One infection of the skin under the foreskin (not a UTI) that occurred at age 3. I had not been cleaning under it yet (I know there are different schools of thought on this. I now have him gently retract and rinse in the shower w/out soap) that was resolved with antibiotics (I have learned more since then and would now try a gentler approach first, homeopathics or herbal remedies).

That's it.

Now, as to their comments: My circ-ed son once pulled what foreskin he has over his sore penis a little when we were dealing with yet another irritation and said "this should cover it to protect it from my undies". We switched him to boxers when he decided that he would no longer wear underwear at all (!) due to the pain.

About a month ago the 4 year old noticed the difference in the shapes of him and brother and asked. I explained what we had done for the first time (I had waited till it came up and figured that would be a good time, for him to show readiness) and the circ-ed son was just mouth-dropped shocked. He asked, "You mean you cut the end of my penis off?" and I explained more, but frankly, he was right. I told him we thought we were making the right choice back then. "Then the younger said, "I sure am glad you didn't do that to me!" We dealt with the older child's questions and as always explained how being his parents has helped us so much to learn, and that he has been our greatest teacher. We told him that he has helped his brother, and we apologized.

They don't care that they are different from dad. They also don't have hair there, but they don't care about that either. The arguments that most people put up are really a smoke screen for a core belief that they have that if they don't do this, they are breaking with what is socially acceptable and going against mainstream. They worry about judgment. It is cosmetic. Men don't like the way other men look with a foreskin. But if we lived in a place where it was the norm, a circ-ed man would look freaky. (I know of women from other countries who have endured female circumsision who think a normal female looks strange and open and ugly.) Now, when I look at my sons, the one who is intact looks whole to me, and so very sadly, the one who is circ-ed looks amputated and mutilated. I feel deep regret for what I have done, and I cannot change it. I wish I could go back and stop myself from ever walking out the door with that whole, beautiful, perfect baby, to return with a baby that was raw, bleeding and in pain. All because I was too afraid to think too hard about my own biases and need for acceptance.

I urge your friend to reach into her mother heart and think about what this whole issue is really about. It's not about hygiene, it's not about health... it's about looks and custom. It's also about that little boy's right to grow up with the body he was born with and make choices about that body for himself. Any mother I know would pass through a lion's den to protect her child, now is the time to start.
With much love and sincerity,

brandywine 04-19-2004 04:53 PM

Our son is circ'd, and although it was nothing like the horror stories I've heard here, I still wish we hadn't done it. Our son's pediatrician did the circ, even though she was anti-circ, and she worked really hard to make it as painless as possible. She did it when he was asleep, applied the anethesia well ahead of time, and he had the "bell" type of circ. He didn't wake up or cry, and he was not strapped down to a board-the nurse held him. We didn't have any problems with infection afterward, although he did go a little too long without peeing that afternoon. Still, I look back and think- what was the point? I honestly can't remember why we chose to circ, especially when the pediatrician, whom we trusted, was against it. If we have more boys, we'll be keeping them intact.

kindred_spirit 04-19-2004 11:51 PM

It was the worst decision I have made - so uninformed had a dear friend - who told me she had info on it - and Never got it from her. I asked dh and he said that he wanted it done for religous reasons. I even asked a nurse about it, and of course she said it was important for being more clean. Oh how I wished I looked into it Of cousre now I have read stuff.........and bailed! How horrible I felt and wish I could change it. I really took something away from my son that wasn't mine to take. why ruin a perfect body?

Gab'sfamily2004 04-20-2004 07:50 PM

After reading your posts, all those feeling of post-circumsition came to my mind. I almost forgot about how much it hurt me, let alone my adored son. I regret having my son circumsiced so much, I would never ket that happen again, ever.
I didn't witness the actual procedure, but I remember my poor little 3 week old boy coming out of the doctor's office, he has never cried more than that day. The most traumatic part for me was taking him to the hospital hours later before he had a hemorrage. Fortunately, he stopped bleeding just by the time he was going to get STITCHES!!!!!! on his little penis. It was a miracle nothing else tampered with his body. Those were horrible days of recovery and trauma for everybody. My mom was with my husband the moment of the actual circumsition of our boy and she says that's the worst thing that she could have witnessed in her life , ever( we are 5 kids and 4 grandkids, none circumsiced). She begged to me never to let that happen to any other sons I might have.
I have to tell you, I hope my son forgives me one day for this, that was a stupid decision, I had no right to do this to him, to cause him such pain and damage to his body. If it wasn't meant to be, why doing it now??? For sanitary reasons? Millions of people can't be wrong.
Please don't let that happen to your baby, it's unfair, unnatural and unnecessary. Talk to your husband. Do research. Not doing research caused my baby and us as parents pain, It still hurts to think about it

mama_at_home 04-28-2004 05:35 PM


Jonesey 05-04-2004 01:57 AM

New here and crying after reading your posts. I think you are an amazing group sharing your stories and your pain. I am SO GLAD we decided not to circ! I had mixed feelings on the subject, never having seen an uncircumsized penis, hearing other mothers' tales of how it was better for their sons ie: cleanliness, reduced risk of infections and the usual. My Dh wanted our son circ'd as he is and his father had to be have it done in his 60's due to repeated infections. We argued about it many times and I was torn between my desire to please my husband, the fact that most of our friends' sons are circ'd, a friend of mine due 3wks after me who said there was no way they wouldn't circ and this very strong instinct/feeling I had telling me it was wrong. Finally I told my Dh that if he felt that strongly then he would have to take him himself, stay with him during the procedure and then look after his penis till it healed. I KNEW there was no way on earth that he would do this (he won't even go to the ped's if there's a needle involved) and so that was that.

I have to admit though that before reading all the literature on these posts and the true stories from other parents I had questioned my decision many times wondering if I did the right thing, would my son develop problems later on, would he worry that he looked different than his father and etc. Thank you all so much for sharing!, now I know I made the right decision and will never doubt it again. Oddly enough my Dh has always been glad we decided not to circ, it seemed once I gave he had a reason to back out he was okay with it.

A bit OT but I also wanted to say thanks for all the other informative posts as well, my SIL badgered me constantly after Ds was born, saying that I had to pull back his foreskin and clean under it every time I bathed him. When I told her male genitalia was self-cleaning, the same as female, she said I was setting him up for infection and that I would be sorry and might as well have him circ'd right away because he'd develop scar tissue and have to have it done anyway. I consulted the ped on it and she said not to touch it until he is two and then I should start gently pulling it back and cleaning. Now I know even she was only half right and to just leave it alone (although at 20mths Ds won't leave it alone, it's amazing how far he can stretch that skin!).

BTW Thanks again!

anotherKatrina 05-28-2004 12:06 AM

I had my perfect baby boy circ'd 12 years ago. I didn't know any better.

It was the worst day of my life. And the worst choice of my life. At least my other bad life choices became learning experiences. There was no benefit whatsoever to this one--inflicting such pain on my innocent, trusting and helpless baby. The horror I feel at the thought of my decision has not lessened one iota.

I wish I could take back that day.

Changed 05-30-2004 04:48 PM

Thank you all so much for sharing your feeling here. I am pregnant and so much hoping it's a boy!\

ParkersMama 06-08-2004 12:15 PM

My son was circumsized when he was born, and I regret that decision to this day. Before he was born, I made efforts to educate both myself and my husband, but ultimately left the decision to my DH, with the caveat that if it was done, he had to be present for it. Well, since DH is circumsized, he opted to get Parker circumsized. Since I had a C-section, I really didn't even get to see my son when he was intact (though there is one picture of him, immediately after birth, where he is intact). Although the pediatrician that did the circumcision did a "great" job, and used anesthetic and all, the aftermath made me regret immediately. He refused to nurse for almost 18 hours, at just 2 days of age, and in our 3 day hospital stay, he lost almost a complete pound, partly because he simply refused to nurse. The next several weeks were very hard, as he cried each and every time that he peed, and when the diaper touched him, regardless of the amount of ointment we would put on his penis. To this day, his penis seems unnaturally red just below the head, and we've even had to deal with the skin partially growing together when he was about 1-year old (involved re-separating and ointment ... and more pain). I'm also having to deal with the thought of having another boy who will NOT be circumsized (I know better now, so I'll do better now), and having one day to explain to Parker why they are different.

KingsDaughter76 06-14-2004 12:09 AM

I completly regret letting my first son be circ' other 2 boys are intact..I just wished I had been informed sooner for the sake of my first son....too late for him. :-(

Frankly Speaking 06-15-2004 11:51 AM


We're neighbors! I also live in Cobb county!

Your son was circumcised with the Gomco clamp. The reason there was no blood is because the Gomco clamp exerts 50,000 pounds of pressure on the skin. That's enough pressure to lift more than a dozen cars off the ground and it crushes the blood vessels so completely that they seal shut.

You need to stay away from that doctor as he/she is woefully ignorant of how to take care of even a circumcised penis. The information you got from NOCIRC was absolutely correct. The adhesions that formed were your son's body trying to heal itself and if left alone, the adhesions would have disolved on their own as they would have had your son not been circumcised. All of that pain the doctor caused your son was not only unnecessary, it could have been damaging.

You have a possibility of legal redress against that doctor if you wish to pursue it. One of the top circumcision attorneys in the country is right here in Atlanta. I'll be happy to put you in contact with him if you wish.


hunnybumm 06-16-2004 06:26 PM

I haven't ready all the above posts but I thought I would share... I just want to get this off my chest.

I had my DS circ at the hospital, he was 1 day old. We didn't have a good reason, I decided to do it because my brothers / dad / cousins / etc were all circ. I told my DH that I wanted DS circ and he asked why and I said I dunno, "just because", and he agreed. I didn't even think twice about it until I came here for the first time about a month or so ago. I read about 3 posts and haven't been back until today. I talked to my stepmom about it and she agrees it is unneccisary and uncirc is better. I feel so bad when I think about it... which is why I don't come here. I guess I have not come to terms with my decision to butcher my sons penis "just because".

I researched BFing so I could be prepared and nothing would stop me from feeding my son the best food there is. I researched and decided to use CDs because they are the best for new baby skin. I researched co-sleeping when my DS was 2 weeks because he refused to sleep in his bassanet, we now co-sleep and won't CIO because that is the best night time support for our child. Once my DS reached 1 month I researched vaccines, and we no longer vax because it is what is best for little immune systems. I circ my son "just because".

My son will never have full pleasure during intercourse or self pleasure "just because", my son went though unnesiccary pain "just because". I have to stop now because DS is about to wake up and I don't want to make myself cry.

So if anyone reads this and decideds to circ... please don't do it "just because".

zaftigmama 06-16-2004 06:53 PM

Thanks for sharing your very honest story - it can't be easy for you.

Take care,

Nathan1097 06-17-2004 10:53 AM

Originally Posted by ParkersMama
My son was circumsized when he was born, and I regret that decision to this day. Before he was born, I made efforts to educate both myself and my husband, but ultimately left the decision to my DH, with the caveat that if it was done, he had to be present for it. Well, since DH is circumsized, he opted to get Parker circumsized. Since I had a C-section, I really didn't even get to see my son when he was intact (though there is one picture of him, immediately after birth, where he is intact). Although the pediatrician that did the circumcision did a "great" job, and used anesthetic and all, the aftermath made me regret immediately. He refused to nurse for almost 18 hours, at just 2 days of age, and in our 3 day hospital stay, he lost almost a complete pound, partly because he simply refused to nurse. The next several weeks were very hard, as he cried each and every time that he peed, and when the diaper touched him, regardless of the amount of ointment we would put on his penis. To this day, his penis seems unnaturally red just below the head, and we've even had to deal with the skin partially growing together when he was about 1-year old (involved re-separating and ointment ... and more pain). I'm also having to deal with the thought of having another boy who will NOT be circumsized (I know better now, so I'll do better now), and having one day to explain to Parker why they are different.

Hey.... Remember me? I was just reading the posts here and recognized ya!

I'm sorry to read about your story. Lots of people have similar ones- whether that's good or bad, I don't know. I know I would've had one (maybe two), had I gone ahead with it. Maybe I'll see ya on IM some time soon.

Stevie 06-20-2004 05:02 AM

I do regret circing my first son and after reading all these posts I will be apologizing to him when I see him next weekend. (He's 27 yrs old)

I was a non-thinking 18 yr old who would have over ridden my mother and made an adoption plan if "I only had a brain". I never even considered not cutting him; not a moment's hesitation

His baby brother was born this past October, my 2nd son. When circ was brought up before we knew his gender I always said "I'll leave that up to his daddy; he's the man after all". When we matched with a life mom who was expecting a boy I started doing the research... and after reading into the wee hours (much like tonight ) I informed my DH what his decision was! I gave him the information I had found, including a site for men who wished they had been circ'd as infants. In fact, that site was the clincher. Every poster except one was altered under general anesthesia and said they really didn't feel much pain after. The one dissenter had a local and said that the administration of the anesthetic sent him into shock with pain. UHHH HELLOOOOOO! A grown man couldn't bear the pain of the needle, but wished it had been done to him as an infant???? DH was convinced

I then spent the next several months (the first adoption fell through, but the next match was also expected to be a boy) agonizing over having no real say in my son's first days. If his life mom had been strongly pro circ she had all the rights and he would have been mutilated. As it turned out, his life mom's hospital plan was that I should have a room in the hospital so he could room in with me, although she did not want to see us herself. He spent the first evening and night with me in my room. The nurses did tell me it would be best if they kept him in the nursery so I could "rest", but I pointed out that it was his mother's wish that we spend these first days bonding and I made sure that they left him with me. Anyway, early the second morning a nurse came in looking a bit worried and "broke the news" that they would not be able to circ without his "birth"mother's consent. I assured her that we did NOT wish him to be circ'd and she was sooo relieved: said that they just wouldn't bring it up then The social worker came in the next morning all smiling and said "So, is today circ day?" I just grinned and told her that we wouldn't be circing...

Sorry for the long post; it's been almost 8 months now and I'm still so happy that he was able to keep his whole penis, and I wish also to thank all of you for being here and for being so strong. I know of 2 baby boys coming this summer; I will be printing some info and adding it to the shower gifts.

Frankly Speaking 06-20-2004 11:36 AM

Thanks for such a warm story. You were very lucky. We had one adoptive mom here who insisted on no circumcision but the social worker had it done clearly against her wishes. It was none of that woman's business but she had to assert her beliefs on that family.


Stevie 06-20-2004 07:50 PM

Oh no, that's so awfull!!! It's such a fine line when it's the decision between a life mom and an adoptive family, but for a SW to just butt in... absolutely unspeakable. BTW, Frank, thank you so much for all your posts; they are so fact filled and yet truly human. Great fodder for educating which is the reason for them I suppose.

I have a friend whose son had one of the botched circs. He's 4.5 yrs old and it seems like he's always having dr. visits and issues. I was shocked the first time I saw his penis; it's like there's nothing there! I'll be asking for more detail and encouraging her to read this thread.

Frankly Speaking 06-20-2004 10:06 PM

It sounds like a degloving accident or buried penis syndrome from your brief description. At his age, the only cure is skin graft surgery for either. That's so sad! I would recommend that your friend contact a lawyer. There is a slight possibility that the statute of limitations has not run out and she may have recourse against the doctor for malpractice.


Gidget 06-29-2004 11:47 PM

Hi, new to this forum. I have been one of those people that bother me. I have been avoiding this area out of guilt and trying to avoid more guilt.And because the times I did visit, I saw some VERY judgemental people here. My boys are both circ'ed. With ds1 I was young and did not think anything of it. I thought it was a normal routine thing. Though if I had stopped to wonder why God would create a foreskin on boys, I probably would have thought twice. With my second I was thinking I did not want to do it, but before I could do my research, the Alarmists got to me. You know, he is at higher risk for STD, infection etc etc. ANd if you do not do it now and he needs it done later it will hurt more later, Yadda, yadda, yadda. Blech! I am soooo mad now. At society, misinformation, and mainly at myself for not taking more time. I have to see it every time I change my babies dipes and every time ds1 is in the tub and I go in there to talk to him. I hate it. I think they look soooo deformed. An intact penis is a beautiful thing. The way they were meant to be. It makes me soooo sad that I allowed such a cruel and pointless procedure to be done on my boys.

Gidget 06-29-2004 11:51 PM

I have become an intactivist though.There is a man at work whose wife is pg and due with a boy in October. The dh is intact and is trying to convince his wife to leave their boy intact once he is here. So, I dug around a bit(which is how I decided to come here) and gave him some info to give her on the issue. I hope she listens.

Stevie 07-02-2004 02:26 AM

Thanks Frank; I will make sure she checks this out soon...

and Ginger, so glad you've come to learn. It's hard enough to live with our own guilt, I hope you feel un judged here.

gothmommy 07-02-2004 11:25 PM

When my 1st DS was born, I told DH that I would not be giving consent for a circ. If he felt strongly enough about wanting it done, I told him he would have to educate himself on the procedure and make the decision. He gave consent and off our sweet little day-old son went to get "the chop". I was upset, but figured DH has a penis and so if he wanted it done bad enough and was agreeable with the procedure, then fine. Ugh. My heart BROKE! DS had no problems, although the doctor didn't cut the whole foreskin off so there is still a little ruffle of foreskin he has to pull tight and clean or it gets red, raw and sore underneath.

When DS #2 came along I was very adamant that I didn't want it done. DH said he did, and I found some non-biased info for him to read over plus a slide show of a non-complicated gomco clamp circ. He phoned me after checking the info out and expressed his remorse at consenting to have DS#1 circ'd.

Thankfully, when DS#3 was born, there was no question about it.

CerridwenLorelei 07-03-2004 03:27 AM

I won't discuss the second two because it was such a hard battle and I had dug in deep ..another time

My first was done against my will. My father took him to have it done while I was at work because I didn't and wasn't going to ..
Oldest and I have already discussed his not doing it with his kids ( though he says no kids lol) and I will when the other two are old enough

Sylith 07-22-2004 06:35 PM

My son is circ'ed. DH and I are both filled with regret over it. We failed him so badly, before he was two days old. He's about 22 months now, and the memory is still raw for me, the guilt is still tearing me up. DH went with him for the procedure. When they returned to me, DH looked green and deeply shaken. Our poor baby had passed out after screaming his head off. He woke about 15 minutes later, with the most heartwrenching wail, and I put him to my breast and DH and I cried.

What can I say? We didn't know any better until it was too late.

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