Worried about MIL, probably overreacting. - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 22 Old 02-04-2005, 05:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My MIL came to visit a week ago and vaccines came up. So we finally told her we are selectively (not many) vaccinating. She thinks we/I are/am nuts. I haven't got to "educate" her yet but I'm kid of worried. We are about to move next door to her, we currently like 4 hours away. Do you think I'm a nut for thinking if she still has issues down the line she might just take my son one day to get them, behind our back and not tell us? I could see her doing it, not that she's conniving, but "for our own good". Please tell me this is just a baseless fear other people have had? Like any other worrying about the welfare of your children Thanks
~Erin~

Erin Mama to thing 1 and 2 WAH with CELIAC?! Living and Learning
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#2 of 22 Old 02-04-2005, 05:53 PM
 
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I can't imagine how she would be able to do that. I would put it in his records that she can only make medical decisions in an emergency.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#3 of 22 Old 02-04-2005, 05:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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nak
i'm thinking like those free "poor people vaccinate you kids" days they have at malls or grocery stores. they have the same last name, all she has to do is say she's his gardian, i don't think they would check into it. expecally if she is doing something "good" like vaccinateing him.

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#4 of 22 Old 02-04-2005, 06:16 PM
 
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IMO I dont think it is a baseless fear you have.We have gut feelings for a reason.
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#5 of 22 Old 02-04-2005, 06:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for not making me feel like an total dork ! My mil is not a horrible person and she has been good about not being confrontational about things. Because she actual did out right say we were WRONG, I worry. It's against her character, ya know?

~Erin~

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#6 of 22 Old 02-04-2005, 06:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amarasmom
I can't imagine how she would be able to do that. I would put it in his records that she can only make medical decisions in an emergency.
If she takes him to the health department and just says she is grandma they will probaby give them to him. They don't have the childs medical records there.

If I did not trst my MIL (which I don't) I would not let her watch my child. Of course I would never live next door to her either. I would probably have to kill her if I did.
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#7 of 22 Old 02-04-2005, 06:26 PM
 
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Thats why my ils don't know. Its come up a few times. I don't think they need to know. I don't tell people usually. Just my family knows. My sis doesn't vax either though so its normal there.
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#8 of 22 Old 02-04-2005, 07:21 PM
 
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you sound like me! I used to fear (and sort of still do) that my mil would take dd to get baptised, something dh and I are totally against. If she freaks on you just tell her it was at your doctors suggestion and if she'd like some research on "why"you'd be happy to supply her with it, otherwise it's not up for debate....a lot has changed in the last 30 years old lady! juuuust kidding on the rude part.

Mama to girl (11), boy (7) and girl (4).  "Can't we all just get along?" joy.gif
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#9 of 22 Old 02-04-2005, 07:42 PM
 
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I'd be very clear and FIRM with her (And include your husband in the conversation)...and explain your concerns--give her the educational literature (print off what you need to--get the books--whatever you need to do)...tell her that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES is she to allow any non-emergency medical procedures to be performed on your children!

Tell her that if she DOES bring them to a clinic to vaccinate them--because she thinks it's best--then you will not let her be with her grandchildren ever again--and you won't ever forgive her. You are the parent--not her--she should not be making such decisions. The more firm, direct, and clear you are (and backed up by medical journals and information) the better. And you can remind her that things do happen to those who are vaccinated--and you WILL hold her accountable if she does such an attrocious thing!

And then smile and say that you trust her to follow your wishes--and you love her--and you're glad you're moving close to her--because you and your family are looking forward to living near her. And then hug her. (Make sure your husband supports you throughout this whole conversation--if not conduct the conversation.)

PS Can I ask why you're moving so close to her?
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#10 of 22 Old 02-04-2005, 07:51 PM
 
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Here's some questions to ask your MIL.

1) Has she had all the vaccines in the current childhood schedule?

2) If not, why not?

3) And if she hasn't, why isn't she dead?

4) And how is it that she got to be born in the first place, since the only vaccine her great grandmother was likely to have had in the first place, was smallpox. Unless her parents were sensible and told them arm-ro-arm vile purveyors to stick it up their own.

“I want to sell drugs to everyone. I want to sell drugs to healthy people. I want drugs to sell like chewing gum.” former Merck CEO, Henry Gadsden

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#11 of 22 Old 02-04-2005, 07:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Momtezuma Tuatara
Here's some questions to ask your MIL.
3) And if she hasn't, why isn't she dead?

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#12 of 22 Old 02-04-2005, 08:04 PM
 
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I don't think you're overreacting. I think it's wise to anticipate things like this in advance even if they're unlikely. This type of situation is one of many reasons that my kids will not stay with ANYONE that I don't trust 110% before they're old enough to talk/defend themselves/ explain themselves and tell me everything that happens.

-Angela
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#13 of 22 Old 02-04-2005, 10:56 PM
 
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I agree that you're not overreacting. I have the same thoughts. I make sure I tell her frequently about the horrors my family has lived through from vax injury, and how glad I am that DS doesn't have to know that pain. I mention how amazing it is that my gene pool reacts so severely to vax, and that my suffering means something if DS can be free of it.

I'm not kidding - I go that far! She is a neurotic worrier. Lovely woman, but truly needs meds. She stays up at night worrying about any and everything. Like, the toilet paper was hung backwards (to her) that day. Now she's tring to *bribe* us to vax DS SO *SHE*WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT!!!!!!!! She doesn't care to THINK about what's really best for him. Just do what the doctor-gods say. She doesn't want to have to worry about all those bad things that will befall him without the magic vaxes!

What p*sses me off so much about it is that she's essentially saying that there is *any* amount of money that would make me do something to my son that I *know* to be dangerous!!! WTF?!?!?!?!?! I'd hurt him for money?!

I trust her to watch him b/c she'd never just take him out for vaxes. She's too scared about taking him anywhere. (Doesn't have a car seat anyway.) But I'd never ask her to take him in for a check-up. She'd definitely let them give every shot imaginable. She'd probably ask them to give him all 2x because he went so long without them!!

But she would never see any of us again if she did such a thing. And we'd likely sue her for assault. She knows this. DH is very direct and up front with her. If I ever see any tell-tale signs I might kill her first. I don't know.
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#14 of 22 Old 02-05-2005, 02:33 AM
 
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1. trust your gut

2. lie

if you plan to selectively vax, just start telling her you had one done. go buy some of those little round cartoon character band aids and slap em on dc's thigh. then complain about how dc is fussy, "prolly from the shot today". lol

ftr, i would never lie about it. but i am notorious for pissing of mil by refusing to allow her to have the dc alone. so i have nothing to worry about.

Bring back the old MDC
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#15 of 22 Old 02-05-2005, 02:45 AM
 
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I would think if you start telling your mil how dangerous vaccines are, if you give her papers to read and keep at it, if you tell her that some kids die right after vaccines, she would not take the responsibility.

Tell her that last year many kids died after the 6 combo vax. In Switzerland there were two kids that didn't make it off the doctor's table after the vax. They died on the table. Now if that isn't a reaction, I don't know what is.

Tell her that many kids get allergies, asthma, diabetes, rheumatism, autism, ADHD, cancer and much more from the vaccine.

Scare her into not taking such a chance with your kids.

I think you got the picture. Anyway, that's what I would do.
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#16 of 22 Old 02-05-2005, 03:01 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Gitti
In Switzerland there were two kids that didn't make it off the doctor's table after the vax. They died on the table. Now if that isn't a reaction, I don't know what is.

.
:
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#17 of 22 Old 02-05-2005, 05:07 AM
 
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Erin,

After 15 years of marriage (and four kids); this is my advice...

Talk with your husband about your feelings, then have him talk to his mother. There will be many things that she will not agree with you about. How this is dealt with now will set the tone for the future.
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#18 of 22 Old 02-05-2005, 05:21 AM
 
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My suggestion is to not tell her or anyone else again.

Most people think they are doing you a big favor...NOT!

Keep you children close to you and do only what you want with them...you are living with the consequences, for G-d's sake.

"Vaccines are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get - acute hemorrhagic edema of infancy, allergies, anaphylaxis, asthma, autoimmune disease, diabetes, eczema, petit/gran mal seizures, fibromyalgia, Henoch-Schonlein purpua, Dravet's Syndrome, Retts Syndrome, Sweet's Syndrome, Hughes Syndrome, encephalitis, speech delay, tics, neurological damage, coma, ADEM, ADHD, AFP, ASIA, CFS, CRPS, GBS, ITP, JPA, JRA, LGS, LKS, MS, OMS, ORS, PANDAS, PANS, PINTANDS, POF, POTS, RA, SIDS, SJS, SLE, SPD, SUDS, TPI, the disease one is being vaccinated against, or death."

Paraphrased from "Forrest Gump".

List from the drug companies' own package inserts that come with their product as required by law.
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#19 of 22 Old 02-05-2005, 10:26 AM
 
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If you don't trust her then don't leave the kids with her.I would never leave my kids with my in-laws. I doubt it is very difficult for someone to vaccinate your child without your permission.It happens all the time in hospitals to newborns despite parents refusing it!

Also,moving next door...yikes! Just don't give her a key

My in-laws offered to buy us a new house,but only if it were next to them(or atleast in the neighborhood. I told my dh I would rather live in a box!
Good luck!
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#20 of 22 Old 02-05-2005, 06:49 PM
 
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Why did you feel the need to tell your MIL about private medical issues? If the topic ever comes up again, (unless it is with another parent and you are sharing experiances, or explaining how bad vaccines really are), just say "She's fine, thanks for asking." NEVER tell someone in the position to claim custody or cause problems, that you are not/selectively delaying. That is inviting trouble.
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#21 of 22 Old 02-05-2005, 07:56 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gilnikche
Erin,

After 15 years of marriage (and four kids); this is my advice...

Talk with your husband about your feelings, then have him talk to his mother. There will be many things that she will not agree with you about. How this is dealt with now will set the tone for the future.
After marriage counseling, I would have to agree with this advice. By and large, any kind of upsetting information will be handled better when it comes from THEIR relative that they've known all their lives--no matter how much they love you.

In the end, you two have to be on the same page about how to handle it; and he needs to ensure that whatever needs to be done to control the situation with his family is done.

Fortunately, DH & I (agreeably) don't speak to my ILs. And my MIL & her mother DID take DH's cousin behind her parents backs to have her baptised!

Heather - Wife 
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#22 of 22 Old 02-06-2005, 02:53 PM
 
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mattema, what's to stop them from moving close to *you*? (flinch) why is it always the pita ones that want to live close? (my fil- shudder. 1000 miles away to- 10 miles away. that was too far- he imagines that is why we aren't trying to get together every other day- so he moved TWO MINUTES AWAY. ack! and he didn't promise us a house, either!)

susan b
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