Overbearing Mother in Law
I need advice on my situation with my MIL.
I moved to our town in 2011 after traveling a while and met my husband at our mutual work. He was 35 at the time, just moved out of his parents house and had a 12 year old boy. The boy and I got along well and hung out together pretty often. Up until we got married 5 years after we met, and then got pregnant. More on that in a minute....
My husband and I have had a lot of issues over the past few years. Mainly issues with him and finances, spending money behind my back, running up credit card debt. He even started taking out payday loans to get by because he didn't want anyone knowing he was broke. Once I found out I made him get a new job and get on his feet. This new job is really lucrative and he's doing really well. He continued to run up credit card debt, so I took the cards and made him pay them off. Then he started spending obscene amounts of money every month on going to restaurants. I had to put an end to that. He's been a pain in the ass, needless to say.
When all of these things happened I went to his mom for help. He's a big time mommas boy, so I figured Ok, I'll ask her for help, hoping she would talk to him. She never did, his dad never did. They said he was too old to get involvd and he never listened to them. He is 41.
Fast forward to when I get pregnant with twins. I started my new position at work and was super excited. All of a sudden my stepson acts like our marriage was offensive, the twins were offensive, he couldn't believe it, wasn't ready, etc. He was 17 at the time. I feel terrible, my inlaws start making comments about how we got pregnant so fast and maybe should have waited. Didn't want me to even tell my stepson because they wanted to be present for it. A big mess to say the least. My MIL ends up telling me she wished my stepson had been given up for adoption because he's been such a burden on my husband (who was never officially with the mom). She said this twice. I got very offended, fought with my husband and threatened to move back to my hometown. He got upset and said no. This topic of moving came up several times over the past year, with my desire growing stronger and stronger because.....I have twins. And want to be around my parents and sister and family. My husbands parents are in their late 70s and his mom can't even lift the kids. They are our only babysitters here, his sister keeps saying she wants to be around but we see her only a handful of times a year. My mom is having to drive to here from our hometown 2 hours away to help us because twin childcare will be too expensive for us to pay and we both have to work. He fought me so hard on it then finally agreed after a year. However, he told his parents that the only reason he agreed was because I threatened divorce and he didn't want to go. SO, my MIL comes in my house yelling at me about it, saying my family isn't better than hers, and I'm breaking everyone apart. Then her and my FIL start making these passive aggressive jabs at my family, calling them rednecks and acting like my mom is a basketcase, etc. I got really offended and told my husband I wasn't going to listen to it, that he made her feel comfortable enough to come insult me in my own home and he needed to put a stop to it. Well she then messages me acting like she never said anything like that to me and said she was so tired of the fighting and wanted to have peace. Like, wth?? She acts like she's his wife and I'm this outsider. I've told my husband he needed to stop treating me like the other woman but it doesn't stop. His mom is super manipulative, even hospitalized herself several time during my pregnancy and made sure everyone came to her bedside. On one particular day, I had my 3 hour glucose testing and called my husband because I was feeling faint. He cried about his mom being in the hospital that day and took off work to go be by her side. I had to go straight from the OB office feeling like absolute hell to be by her side while NOBODY even noticed I was pale and sweaty. She had a damn cyst on her ovary, Dr told her where it was she shouldn't have even felt it. She hospitalized herself over and over complaining of this pain only to be sent away for nothing. But called my husband bawling her eyes out one night and told him she just knew she was dying and we all needed to come over on a Sunday to help her plan her funeral. We get there Sunday and she's right as rain, said she just wanted to see the babies. She's fucking crazy in my opinion but I just don't know how to get my husband to let go of his mommy issues. Any advice can help- I hope I articulated this story ok because there's a lot I'm not even including.