I met a fellow hs'ing mom tonight who bashed US'ing :( - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 03:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I went to a meet n mingle type thing tonight for our school (K12). I went to see if I could meet a mom that would give me some tips on the ins and outs of K12. When it was my turn to introduce myself, I started out by saying I had more of an unschooling/relaxed homeschooling mindset with my children and this mom spoke up and said "well, kids need to learn that they cant do whatever they want, whenever they want in life...they need to learn good work ethics". I was just taken aback by the way she came off. She then went on to say that her house is spotless and everything is super organized and she has a tight schedule that she adheres to and she doesnt go to bed unless everything is clean and put away, etc.
I dont know why this bothered me so much. A few of the other K12 moms were very understanding of my hs'ing preference and some of them came from being very relaxed to using k12 but this mom just seemed to bash unschooling and more importantly gentle parenting. She's like "unless you want to live in a box on the streets, you need to know how to get up early and work til the job is done". Maybe it felt like she was attacking me....I dont know....just made me feel sad

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#2 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 03:46 AM
 
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She sounds really rude (and maybe deep down insecure, therefore needing to build herself up). That stinks that she did that, especially when you were just introducing herself. :

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#3 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 03:52 AM
 
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Stick with your relaxed way of life and let her go on to have her heart attack by age 45. Some people are just more strict and insist that their kids be that way...I have a sister like that. She just can't handle the fact that my kids are unschooled....because "don't you know how much they are going to struggle in college!!" Um ...nope. She looks so much older than she is due to her constant need for control, and clean house, and numerous work hours. I'm just not that way and hey it's perfectly o.k.
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#4 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 03:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I dont think she was trying to be mean....it just surprised me how anti relaxed homeschooling she was. It also made me realize that just because someone homeschools, doesnt mean they necessarily agree with all forms of homeschooling

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#5 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 04:32 AM
 
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Stick with your relaxed way of life and let her go on to have her heart attack by age 45.

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#6 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 04:35 AM
 
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Stick with your relaxed way of life and let her go on to have her heart attack by age 45.
::giggle::
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#7 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 05:14 AM
 
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I went to a meet n mingle type thing tonight for our school (K12). I went to see if I could meet a mom that would give me some tips on the ins and outs of K12. When it was my turn to introduce myself, I started out by saying I had more of an unschooling/relaxed homeschooling mindset with my children and this mom spoke up and said "well, kids need to learn that they cant do whatever they want, whenever they want in life...they need to learn good work ethics". I was just taken aback by the way she came off. She then went on to say that her house is spotless and everything is super organized and she has a tight schedule that she adheres to and she doesnt go to bed unless everything is clean and put away, etc.
I dont know why this bothered me so much. A few of the other K12 moms were very understanding of my hs'ing preference and some of them came from being very relaxed to using k12 but this mom just seemed to bash unschooling and more importantly gentle parenting. She's like "unless you want to live in a box on the streets, you need to know how to get up early and work til the job is done". Maybe it felt like she was attacking me....I dont know....just made me feel sad
It sounds like she's attacking herself and her family more than she was attacking you. I've lived with someone just like her and let me tell you...it was not fun and when I moved out and there was nobody to control, she had to get on Prozac!LOL She was always saying "you have no business" and "You can't do that" I can imagine this woman doing the same and trying to squash new ideas that her children might have.

I would have responded with "well, your homelife sounds just wonderful" and let her figure take it however she wanted.

You just keep doing your thing knowing it's what's right for your family.
But, if you think she bothered you because you've been feeling the need to be a little more organized, then acknowledge it and put some more organization in your life. But I would NEVER want to be or live with someone like her.

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#8 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 07:02 AM
 
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I dont think she was trying to be mean....it just surprised me how anti relaxed homeschooling she was. It also made me realize that just because someone homeschools, doesnt mean they necessarily agree with all forms of homeschooling

Not everyone agrees on different types of homeschooling, I don't agree with unschooling but that lady did seem a little up tight. Everyone has there own beliefs on homeschooling, don't let it bother you but do understand K12 and unschooling don't mix well at all. Were more relaxed classical and even I thought K12 was insane in the amount of time they wanted.

Seriously?
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#9 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 07:56 AM
 
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It's one thing not to want to use a particular method for your family, or to think your family's method is so great that it's hard to imagine a better one, but it's altogether something different to tell someone their method is wrong! You weren't asking for advice, you were just introducing yourself. That was really very rude of her regardless of her intentions.

Before I found MDC I was sometimes reading at another board that was very conservative. I guess a lot of people over there think unschoolers are going to ruin homeschooling for everyone. I don't get it. I feel a sort of bond with anyone who enjoys her children enough to have them around all day and wants more direct responsibility for their education so I don't understand the point of putting down people's methods or feeling threatened by them. Use what works for you and let other people use what works for them.
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#10 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 11:00 AM
 
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My reply would have been," Well good for you,and may I suggest your next lesson be in manners, because you obviously need a refresher in it."

She sounds like a strict school at home type,and if that works for her kids(who cares what SHE wants) then all is well.No one should ever dictate for another though,but saying what worked for THEM or not is fine. I suggest you go with whatever works well for your kids,and ignore the negative comments. There are MANY individuals(and families) living in boxes,and it is very unlikely few if any were unschooled.Sadly it happens.

Boxed curriculums can work if your child can choose what to do.If you use them through a charter school be prepared to do a lot of boring stuff.Well it was boring to my dd,but other kids might like it just fine!
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#11 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 03:26 PM
 
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Well, y'know, I think her behavior said a lot about her educational philosophy to those other parents.

I had that happen, if you can imagine, smack dab in the middle of a talk I'd been invited to do for a roomful of public school home study program teachers and administrators on the subject of child led learning at one of their conferences. The woman was loud and aggressive - and mouthed the identical words about how children just need to learn that...blah, blah..! I froze at first - actually thought she was a nutcase who'd wandered in off the street - and quickly gathered all my emotional resources to be able to calm her down so that she didn't disturb the workshop any further. I took a deep breath, stepped forward, and very calmly and politely explained that learning doesn't really work that way. I was absolutely amazed at how centered I was able to stay - as if some other power was operating. I even pulled out a puppet and used the incident to illustrate how "anxiety attacks" from doubts can spring up out of nowhere along the way. As it turned out, the teachers were very supportive - a group was gathered around me at the end asking questions about how to help relax parents in they work with to have the confidence to homeschool in that way. They'd never heard of this way of working with children and they were fascinated. As it turned out, the woman I thought was a nutcase was just a lawyer who worked for the state ed department, and she'd come in, because of her own personal beliefs, to confront me - I guess she was thought she was doing her most intimidating courtroom kind of routine on me. - Lillian
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#12 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 03:35 PM
 
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Ick, I'm sorry that happened to you. I know that comments like that would bother me too, and probably make me feel defensive and nervous.

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I'm not an unschooler, but I probably would have laughed.

I can be mean, though.

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#14 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 03:40 PM
 
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She just doesn't know how USing would work in her family. To her, it seems impossible to grasp the idea.

Also there is ALOT of misinformation about what unschooling is.

To be honest.....I thought it was a crock of crap at first : But I challenged my views and have done a TOTAL turn around. :

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#15 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 03:45 PM
 
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#16 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 03:48 PM
 
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That wasn't very nice of her.
I'm an unschoolin' mom too...and I say...To each their own.

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#17 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 03:51 PM
 
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Did you check to see whether she had something stuck up her...nevermind.

Geez, since we started unschooling, I have never had so many people tell me what I need to do for my kids! I mean, imagine if I told people they were going to ruin their kids lives if they sent them to school or did structured homeschooling!

P.S. Lillian, don't be dissin' on lawyers! Some of us are out to do some good. Although, I often have to tell myself to take off my lawyer hat when talking to people.
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#18 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 04:08 PM
 
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I mean, imagine if I told people they were going to ruin their kids lives if they sent them to school or did structured homeschooling!
: I've done this.

I guess I really am mean. :

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#19 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 06:35 PM
 
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K-12 prides itself on being highly structured, time-consuming, and academically rigorous. I am not surprised you found someone at a K-12 meeting who had this opinion. I think it just means you all have different ideas about what you want homeschooling to look like.

Nothing against K-12, btw. For people with certain types of goals for their kids' education, it's probably a good resource.

Namaste!
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#20 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 06:41 PM
 
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To be honest.....I thought it was a crock of crap at first : But I challenged my views and have done a TOTAL turn around. :
ME TOO!

Namaste!
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That's just rude. No matter what your viewpoints (and I'm one who could never imagine unschooling) I would never tell someone she was ruiing her kids or bash her like that!
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#22 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 07:21 PM
 
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P.S. Lillian, don't be dissin' on lawyers! Some of us are out to do some good. Although, I often have to tell myself to take off my lawyer hat when talking to people.
I have nothing against lawyers at all. But this woman actually burst out yelling in the middle of my talk - it wasn't as if she waved her hand and said "I have something to say about that" or anything. She just started shouting. And the room was just classroom size - it's not as if she was shouting from the back of an autitorium to be heard. I really thought she was a mental case and that we might have to call security if I couldn't calm her down. - Lillian
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I hope you are feeling better about it all today.

And, OO HOO on hitting !!!

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#24 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 10:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mykdsmomy View Post
I went to a meet n mingle type thing tonight for our school (K12). I went to see if I could meet a mom that would give me some tips on the ins and outs of K12. When it was my turn to introduce myself, I started out by saying I had more of an unschooling/relaxed homeschooling mindset with my children and this mom spoke up and said "well, kids need to learn that they cant do whatever they want, whenever they want in life...they need to learn good work ethics". I was just taken aback by the way she came off. She then went on to say that her house is spotless and everything is super organized and she has a tight schedule that she adheres to and she doesnt go to bed unless everything is clean and put away, etc.
I dont know why this bothered me so much. A few of the other K12 moms were very understanding of my hs'ing preference and some of them came from being very relaxed to using k12 but this mom just seemed to bash unschooling and more importantly gentle parenting. She's like "unless you want to live in a box on the streets, you need to know how to get up early and work til the job is done". Maybe it felt like she was attacking me....I dont know....just made me feel sad
I've always thought the best reply to something like that is a raised eyebrow and a drawn out "ooooooooooookaaaaaaaaay"

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#25 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 10:12 PM
 
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I've always thought the best reply to something like that is a raised eyebrow and a drawn out "ooooooooooookaaaaaaaaay"
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#26 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 10:48 PM
 
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K-12 prides itself on being highly structured, time-consuming, and academically rigorous. I am not surprised you found someone at a K-12 meeting who had this opinion. I think it just means you all have different ideas about what you want homeschooling to look like.

Nothing against K-12, btw. For people with certain types of goals for their kids' education, it's probably a good resource.

Namaste!
It doesn't have to be time consuming-- the program is mastery based, not work based. If your kid understands concept A, he doesn't need to spend hours and hours on it; he only needs to take the assessment and move on to the next topic. You can spend as much or as little time as your kids need to spend on just about anything.

It is quite rigorous, though. I really like it, but I'm a tense kind of person.

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#27 of 34 Old 11-16-2006, 11:07 PM
 
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at one of our homeschooling group's mom's night out, there was a mega unschooling bashing going on. "I knew someone who unschooled and their handwriting was terrible" "their 12 year old couldnt add"

I thought to myself, how hypocritical.

I can just picture a bunch of PS mamas sitting around a PTA meeting and someone mentions homeschooling, and the next thing you know everyone knows someone who homeschools and they arent socialized, cant read, blah blah blah.

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#28 of 34 Old 11-17-2006, 09:53 AM
 
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I had this same type of thing happen, only it was one on one and not in front of a group. (phew)

But, yeah, a k12 mom had the same rant when I mentioned that I was more leaning towards unschooling. Not only that rant but she went on to tell me it was impossible to do in PA and illegal and she made all sorts of type looks at me for even mentioning it.

But then, she also spanked her 2 yo in the middle of storytime because he wouldn't stop changing spots. So, I figure she and I don't really have much common ground.

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#29 of 34 Old 11-17-2006, 11:26 AM
 
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It doesn't have to be time consuming--
All I know is that when I looked into it for my 12 year old, they said that she would be spending 5-6 hours a day on her work. To me, that is time consuming. They told me they have mandatory attendance rules that require a certain amount of time logged. I looked into the public charter version of it. Maybe that's different than just purchasing the K-12 curriculum to use independently.

Namaste!
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#30 of 34 Old 11-17-2006, 02:47 PM
 
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All I know is that when I looked into it for my 12 year old, they said that she would be spending 5-6 hours a day on her work. To me, that is time consuming. They told me they have mandatory attendance rules that require a certain amount of time logged. I looked into the public charter version of it. Maybe that's different than just purchasing the K-12 curriculum to use independently.
Good grief. I had no idea. Compare that to my son and his friends who are thriving in college and have always loved learning - when they didn't do any "work" at all at that age. They dabbled in this and that, but they weren't stuck in front of assignments, much less 5-6 hours of them. : - Lillian
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