Illogical fears/thoughts - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 11 Old 01-24-2009, 11:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay...this pregnancy, while wanted, was not exactly planned. We were talking about a third baby, but not yet! That might be feeding into my feelings right now...

My home pregnancy test was definitely positive, but I find myself still not believing I'm actually pregnant, you know? Then, I get a sudden fear that I'm NOT pregnant, and I want to go buy another test, but I'm terrified it'll say negative! WTF?

I already told everyone at work, told all my family, which is fine, and if I were to miscarry, I would want their support, so I dont regret telling them. But for some completely illogical reason, I have this fear that I'll just be "not pregnant" and not have a miscarriage either.

I know, this makes no flipping sense.

Maybe when I start feeling symptoms then these weird thoughts will go away. I also have this intense fear of my first appt...I know I need an ultrasound because I'm not sure of my dates (breastfeeding), but I'm so afraid there won't be a baby. Or my blood work will be negative.

Sigh...maybe this is my first symptom...irrational hormone-induced fears! Every day that goes by and I sitll don't have my period, I feel slightly better, but I definitely don't have the excited feeling I had with my other two.

I might be losing my mind!

Mommy to BigBoy Ian (3-17-05) ; LittleBoy Connor (3-3-07) (DiGeorge/VCFS):; BabyBoy Gavin (10-3-09) x3 AngelBaby (1-7-06)
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#2 of 11 Old 01-25-2009, 11:51 AM
 
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This is my first time even posting here and I won't introduce myself yet because I feel like it will jinx me. I just wanted to chime in that I feel the same way. I'm still taking dollar store tests every other day because it helps to see them getting darker and darker.

I too am bf and we caught the first egg before my ppaf started. I am pretty sure of my o date. I made my first appointment for this Monday and figured that they would do a u/s to date the pregnancy. Though I don't like to overdo the u/s, I was looking forward to it this time because I hoped it would make everything more real for me and reassure me if we were able to see a heartbeat (I should be just 6 wks). They specifically told me that they were not going to do a u/s, though.

Anyway, just wanted to tell you that you're not alone!

Mom to ds (7/02), dd(2/04), ds (9/07), and dd 9/09
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#3 of 11 Old 01-25-2009, 12:10 PM
 
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I hear ya. It stinks, doesn't it?

I believe I'm pg (or was!), but not that I'll have an actual baby.

I have my first appointment Tuesday, and I find myself wishing beyond realistic hope that they will offer me an u/s. I KNOW they won't, but I want it so much I even catch myself thinking, well I'll feel better after my appointment. Why would I? There isn't anything they are going to do that will convince me that I have a living baby growing still inside me.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Maybe it will help you to hear that a LOT of moms who are growing Number 3 have a lot more fears then in previous pregnancies. And you have surely lost your innocence in regard to the fact that things can go a different way then anticipated, considering your ds's extra needs. I think it is understandable that you are feeling this way.

Tracy, doula and Army wife and homeschooling mama to A and E
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#4 of 11 Old 01-25-2009, 01:12 PM
 
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I am not laughing at you, just laughing at the fact that I could have written the same exact post. Yes, I totally understand how you are feeling!

proud mama to: DD (8/02), DS (12/03), DS (11/06), DS (9/09) and pos.gif EDD 11/1

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#5 of 11 Old 01-25-2009, 01:28 PM
 
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I completely understand the irrational fears... trying very hard to squish them into non-existance and not managing it very well.

We had been trying for a few months and now I find myselft wondering what the heck we were thinking... ds and dd are old enough that they don't require constant supervision, I've given away most of my diaper stash and baby clothing, finances suck, I'm in the midst of a job search... So many mixed emotions - happy, sad, frustrated, excited, exhausted, terrified...

I'm sure it will level out, just trying to ride it out until them. I'm reminded of the scene in the movie "Parenthood" where the grandma tells the newly/unexpectedly pg wife that life is like a rollercoaster and that she likes the ride. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1h_hmdVJAc

My family: me jog.gif, dh geek.gif, ds reading.gif (11), dd1 hearts.gif (9), and dd2 energy.gif(3).

Tout va s'arranger à la fin. Si elle ne fonctionne pas; ce n'est pas la fin.

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#6 of 11 Old 01-25-2009, 02:22 PM
 
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we need a smilley raising their hand! i have had almost the exact same thoughts!! interesting so many of us have...must be "normal"
so strange......
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#7 of 11 Old 01-25-2009, 06:04 PM
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I'm feeling very similarly, and I'm also on baby #3!

M, mom to DS1 (8 yrs), DS2 (5 yrs), and DS3 (2 yrs).

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#8 of 11 Old 01-26-2009, 12:08 AM
 
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Me too! In fact, I was going to start an "anxiety" thread. I've been feeling anxious about having a miscarriage (my last preg ended in m/c) but also having thoughts like you describe - that I'm not even actually pregnant even though my test was positive or my blood work will be negative or something. I've also been feeling anxious about just about everything else in my life - my job, our finances, having a new baby - even posting on here - will I stick my foot in my mouth? sound like a know-it-all? make a bad first impression?

A lot of my fears are irrational or illogical too. And I do think anxiety is a pregnancy symptom for me...But yeah, I'm right there with you too. Hugs to you!

Erika, mama to Austin (9/14/06), (4/08, 13 weeks gestation), and Sierra (7/3/09, 27 weeks gestation)
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#9 of 11 Old 01-26-2009, 06:39 PM
 
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I have a lot of not-so-thrilled about this all thoughts.
SO wanted to try and I went along with it (well you know...it's FUN!) even though I did some serious contemplation and really did not want another child just yet. I was waiting for AF and then going to tell him we were going to hop right back on the boat and use BC again....and guess who's knocked up?

So....this child is wanted for sure, but I'm still having a difficult time coming around to te idea. I also haven't told anyone other than some close friends and my student advisor.

So I guess I'm in the boat with everyone else!
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#10 of 11 Old 01-26-2009, 11:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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nak

well, i'm glad i'm not the only crazy in the bunch! lol! still no real symptoms to make me feel better, but i could be as early as 5w2d, so to be expected. i just want a few days of symptoms, then smooth sailing...is that too much to ask for?

Mommy to BigBoy Ian (3-17-05) ; LittleBoy Connor (3-3-07) (DiGeorge/VCFS):; BabyBoy Gavin (10-3-09) x3 AngelBaby (1-7-06)
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#11 of 11 Old 01-27-2009, 03:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2boyzmama View Post
But for some completely illogical reason, I have this fear that I'll just be "not pregnant" and not have a miscarriage either.
I feel exactly this way, I just couldnt explain it as well as you. (This baby is also a suprise!)

As soon as I get back home I'm going to find a doctor and see if they can make sure that there is something in there.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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