oh man, i got SO mad at DH because ALL of his friends smoke pot still. Were talking 35 year old married men (lots of childless couples, not because they cant, but they dont want too). Anyways, last week he went to visit a client (dh is an accountant) and the client was smoking pot in the office and when he got home he was complaining and I got angry at DH! He just got a job working for the city and the last thing he needs to to be around that crap when hes has to take drug tests! It makes me really crazy. And this time I guess I was hormonal, because I just started hysterically crying, saying he was going to destroy our family and he would lose the city job and we wouldnt have health insurance and he would be arrested. I mean, its possible, but not probable. But it didnt matter, I felt like our family was in danger and just flipped. He got angry first, but luckily, whenever I cry, he cries, so it breaks down the power struggle. And the next time he went, he told the client he didnt want to be around it and the client went home (2 minutes away from the office) and smoked there and came back.
I mean, I have known people who didnt know pot was around, then the cops show up and they get arrested just for being in the same house! It doesnt matter if you were using it or not, if its there, they can arrest anyone (at least in MD). I just wish people would stop! High school, really.
I totally understand the flipping out. I just keep reminding DH, "Im probably going to cry a lot and hurt your feelings, but I love you and I'm really sorry. Just tell me you love me and everything will be okay and I will believe you."
Then yesterday I napped and had a terrible dream he cheated on me while I was pregnant. And then persisted to interrogate him on the subject once I woke up. Which normally he would have flipped, but he remembered that Im extra weepy lately and just said, "I love you, I love our family and I could never look you in the face again if I did that. Besides, I work from home... when would I have time to do that?" haha. uh, good point, you're home pretty much all day... but still. My dream was vivid. Then he handed me his phone and I scrolled through... feeling like a high schooler... and he just smiled at me. Nope nothing suspicious.
Maybe if you sit him down and say, please just hug me and tell me you love me and I promise things wont escalate like that. Or maybe try therapy? We did premarital therapy and that helped us work through our issues. Also we talk alone every night before bed for like 30 minutes which really seems to help us. Maybe building in some alone time everyday without the kiddies will help strengthen communication and alleviate some of your anxiety and anger. Telling him your fears a little bit each day will definitely help keep them from building up and exploding.
I dont know a lot about taking medication during pregnancy. But I have known several people with depression, anxiety and/or bipolar who had to stop taking their medication before they started trying for a baby and during pregnancy and bfing... but I dont know what they were on. So, its possible there is some medications that are approved for use during pregnancy.
You are so not alone in your outbursts! Sometimes I flip out too. That is unavoidable. But its the making up thats the important part!! Sending you lots of calming and relaxing vibes!!!
Lauren , DH , DD 02/2007 and expecting #2 (12/7/10)! We