Almost 7 still having accidents - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 4 Old 01-24-2010, 12:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Good evening, I am hoping someone could offer me some advice or encouragement and tell me this is still "normal". My daughter will be 7 in April and she is yet to be completely potty trained. She was stubborn and never really got the concept till she was 3 and a half and ever since then we are still having "accidents" (thats what she calls them) at least twice a week. I have to constantly remind her to go to the bathroom and will go if I remind her but wont take the initiative to go on her own. Its not like she gets too engrossed in what she is doing, it could happen anytime weather it be watching TV or out shopping or riding her bike....anything. I have to make sure she has a change of clothes at school otherwise I have to come up there with a change. I just dont know what else to do. I have taken her to her dr and had her tested and there is nothing wrong as far as she can see. She knows she has to go but just doesnt want to take the time to go. I try so hard not to get upset over it but I feel she is a bit too old to still be wetting her pants. I wont even get into how much extra laundry I am doing because of it and on top of that, I have to spray everything she sits on with febreeze and that still doesnt completely take the smell out. I am hoping someone can tell me I am not alone and what else I can do to get her to stop. I just cant have her pee on everything anymore and I would like to have one week where I am not washing clothes every other day! Thank you everyone and I am looking forward to hearing back from some of you soon.

Becca
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#2 of 4 Old 01-24-2010, 12:53 AM
 
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knee_deep. This can be so frustrating, can't it?

I'm not sure if my DD's story is at all helpful, but let me share what we went through. At 7.5 years old, I'd say DD has been fully potty trained not for about 3-4 months. DD would be ok for a few weeks, and then would have little accidents (just enough to wet the underwear and maybe a bit on her pants) as many as a couple a day or several a week. Like you, she was having accidents at school (and starting to get teased ), and she'd have accidents when engaged in something else.

DD has an informal diagnosis of sensory integration disorder, where her brain does not respond to some sensory input very well, and is over sensitive to others. When reading, I literally have to touch her to get her attention. The sound of my voice does not alert her brain to shift attention. She is under-responsive to auditory input, especially when distracted. Likewise, we suspect that she's under-responsive to the sensory input from her bladder. That is, she's not aware of the sensations from her bladder, and she's not aware of the sensation of having wet underwear if her brain is at all engaged in anything else.

Simply not feeling the sensations made the whole process amazingly frustrating to everyone.

We tried a lot of things:
*She would have to drop everything, take the wet clothes down to the wash and go up to her room to change, then wash hands.
*We would send her on a regular basis.
*We spent a lot of time talking about the physiology of how your body makes pee, where it's stored, how the bladder tells you if needs to empty, yada yada.

Finally, we decided that we simply had to keep her bladder empty, or we were not going to get anywhere. After getting kicked out of art camp, DH sent her back the next week with his digital watch, set to go off once an hour. She was horribly embarrassed, but she went each hour as prompted and was dry for the week. So we bought her a vibrating watch (we picked a pink one, and one that would vibrate for 30 seconds), and we set it for about once an hour during the school day (we had the teacher set the times for us according to DD's needs -- not too distracting for the class, not too much going one, not during recess...). DD was tasked with being responsible for the watch ($70 : ) and we tried hard to make her partner in addressing the issue.

DD hasn't worn the watch to school since mid-November, with no accidents during teh school day this year. She's had maybe two total since art camp in August.

Whew, that was a book. I hope there's something useful in there. It's soooooo frustrating!
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#3 of 4 Old 01-24-2010, 02:10 AM
 
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No advice, but I did want to say that accidents on occasion at that age, especially for girls, are pretty common. Usually it's because they get involved in something and forget to go. However, that does seem like quite often and maybe more than usual.
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#4 of 4 Old 01-24-2010, 03:59 AM
 
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so girls having accidents is normal? mine is only 3, and she started to use the toilet a LOT younger than her brother, now 5. But after a year, she is still having these little-wet (just the undies) at home pretty often. (She has not had an accident in public in *ages* unless you count a friend of ours house about a month ago)

back to the topic at hand:

I was an education assistant (para, whatever) in a classroom with a boy who was 10 years old and very similar to what this post is describing. This child had a "label" of Asperger's. I wish I had understood then that the bathroom thing could be a sensory issue related to being on the autism spectrum.
this kid was genius-brilliant and wetting his pants regularly in the 4th and 5th grade. I wish we'd thought of the watch thing, I think that really puts the control into the hands of the child--so much more than any adult-imposed reminders. (which said kid happened to also dislike, it made my job so much more of a challenge as I got assigned to help him and one other student in the class, and he *hated* being singled out in this way. I felt for him...but wow, with that plus the fact that it was new territory for ALL of us as adults...)

So...from that experience, I'd say try taking the adult reminder out of it, see if you can make HER responsible--I really like the watch idea a lot. You can find one that she thinks is "cool", it doesn't single her out the way having a teacher talk to her would (like at school or other places) and it helps her be empowered to do something about this if she is finding it embarrassing. That's just my take.

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