Any resources on handling an older small child with a newborn in the house? - Mothering Forums
 
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#1 of 3 Old 07-31-2011, 03:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'd like to be ready for my second child if we have one soon. My daughter is three, but she is "gifted" (I hate that word) and is verbally, mentally and emotionally more at like a 5 or 6 year old level, so that makes things easier for me, I think and also it means I probably need a book about older little kids, not toddlers. She is normal in every way otherwise, no autism or behavioral markers for anything. She's just oddly mature.

 

Are there any good resources for how I can be a great mom to my older daughter when I have a new baby? I have no family who can help me and DH works a lot, so I'll be alone with them almost all of the time. I have always been extremely close to DD and very verbal with her. We talk and play all the time. I'm worried about how much less attention she will be getting.

 

I feel bad that she won't have my undivided attention anymore and I feel even worse that my second baby won't get that full-on 100% of me that my first child received. I know every mom worries about these things, but it keeps me up at night sometimes. I just wish I could feel as though I am able to give both of my children what they need emotionally. On top of it, I also have to work at home part-time, so that's even less time I can spend with them.

 

Anything I can read on how to keep my oldest feeling just as special and how I can make every minute the best I can with the second? Or even just a book to get me through these young child days would be great.


Mama to a bright 7 y/o girl
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and an exuberant 3 y/o boy
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 Loving unschooling, 2x
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#2 of 3 Old 08-01-2011, 01:37 PM
 
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One thing that I experienced, and almost every other mama I know, was that once the 2nd one was born the 1st child suddenly seemed HUGE, capable, old, etc, and expectations rose accordingly.  Of course the older child is still just as much "your baby" as she was yesterday (before the newborn was born), but it's so easy to suddenly expect so much more from them.  Now, even if they are older, or especially mature (like your dd), the arrival of a new sibling is likely to throw them for a loop.  Some react right away, some react after a few months, but almost every older sibling is going to become somewhat more needy when a new baby comes into the family.  So, my best advice for you is to try to keep this in mind.  I know you see your dd as exceptionally mature, and I believe you, but even if she was truly 5 or 6yo when the baby was born she would likely experience some sort of regression, and start wanting to be "babied" in ways she never did before. 


Kate, mom to 7 year old Djuna and 4 yr old Alden. Missing our good friend Hal the cat who died June 2, 2010

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#3 of 3 Old 08-02-2011, 01:51 PM
 
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I feel being an AP mom helps with being able to give everyone what they need. When my second, and then third, came along, I wore the new baby in a sling, wrap or baby carrier around the house while I home schooled dd, did the dishes, etc. I would nurse the baby while I read to dd, and both could hear my voice and get what they needed from me. Honestly, all a new baby needs is to be close to you and have easy access to the milk.

After the early baby stage is over, things get both more and less complicated, but eventually the kids can play together and life finds a new rhythm.

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
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