mom's with an older child and do you make time for the older child? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 3 Old 01-03-2005, 12:49 AM - Thread Starter
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Ok im new to this forum and fairly new to these boards but please help me with this. I am mom to a 4yr old dd and 3 month old dd. Lately I feel like the 4 yr old is getting lost in the new baby shuffle. Last night I realized that I had not held her for a signifigant amount of time in a while. It seems like whenever I try to give her mommy time the baby never fails to need me at that exact moment. DH is great about taking older DD and spending time with her during these times but I feel like dd and i both want and need more of our special time together. In a way I feel as if I am losing her to her daddy. I know this makes no sense but I used to always be the 1st one she came to when she needed something. Now it is dh. DH tries to help out with the baby but she will only be happy with him for a very short period of time. I am the only one who truly soothes her. I have tried giving her time during baby's naps but baby very rarely sleeps unless held. I do hold dd then but we both truly need some 1 on 1 time. DD is great about it in general but I dont want her to start being daddy's girl and baby is mommy's girl. I have friends whose relationship with their children is like that. Older child is daddy's child and goes everywhere with him. Younger child is mommy's and goes everywhere with her. IMO each child should have equal time with both parents. So how do I do it?
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#2 of 3 Old 01-03-2005, 02:30 AM
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Oh-I definately still struggle with the feeling that my oldest has been lost to his daddy. Mine are only 2 years apart but I make nursing time an opportunity to read books. Whenever Joey wants something and I am nursing I offer him suggestions we can do while I nurse and he loves it. Put the babe in a sling and go play. Joey has learned so much about nurturing the baby. I always treat the baby crying as a distraction- "oh- Zach needs me, we'll have to wait." Now as soon as Zach cries, Joey yells (just in case someone misses it) Mommy- give him your boobies- Mommy, there's milk in there! He really gets it.

So, there are lots of advantages and they get better as the baby becomes a more integral part of the family but yes I have this little saddness that my baby Joey disappeared while I was giving birth and now big boy Joey lives here. I miss baby Joey. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of him and pull him onto my lap but he just slips away again.

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#3 of 3 Old 01-03-2005, 03:26 PM
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I have a 4 year old and an almost 3 year old (15 months apart) and a 5 month old. Believe me, I understand where you are coming from.

Things that I do:

Take a bath with one child at a time. One on one time is great and secluded.

Take one or two older dd to McDonalds or DQ for an ice cream. It takes about 40 minutes and it is close by.

Read them to sleep at night.

Lay with one or the other of them, DH is home to watch the baby.

Make food with them. Little DD can go in the sling.

Babes crying...

wife - mother - midwife


The more you know, the worse it gets.

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