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I told my stbx 1 1/2 years ago that we needed to go our separate ways, and since then we've been cohabitating because of financial reasons. But now the time has come, he's found a place of his own, and he'll be gone in a matter of a few days. There's some relief and eagerness on my part, but there's also this fear and extreme loneliness that's starting to sink in, not to mention the whole "oh my god how am I gonna handle 3 kids by myself most of the week?" I'm sure the range of emotion I am feeling is normal, right? It's just plain 'ol scary for me, having to stand on my own and run my own household....I've been with this guy since I was 18 (newly graduated from high school) with barely any "real world" experience and now I'm having to do things I've never done before and I just wanna crawl into my bed and cry. Being a mama of 3 leaves my plate very full, but a single mama of 3, well that's one big heaping plate. For those who've been there and done that, what things helped you get thru the rough transition period to single-mama'ism? Any words of wisdom?
 

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I actually found that the transition to almost getting there was the hardest. Since xdh moved out, the energy in the house has lifted and I have really got in touch with myself again in ways I didn't realized I'd lost. The money thing is still scary, but I actually feel more capable of managing on my own now that I am not constantly dealing with my marriage problems.
 

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My separation has been a long time coming and the most difficult were the first few days. I'm only very very new to this, just want to say that my anticipation of the day was wearing heavy on my shoulders.<br><br>
Now, I'm still sorting lots out and figuring day to day but there is a weight gone. I find myself doing it and still wondering how it will be done. Then I realize, this is it. Day by day one foot in front of the other. I went and bought a year membership to the local museum, it gives us national entrance to about 200 museums for the year. I have used it two times this week and found a new playground. When I want to sit and crawl up into a ball and melt into the cushions, I put my sandals on and say let's go. It has really helped.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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I find it has helped to invite friends over for dinner so I'm not so lonely for adult conversation. I have some friends whose partners are not very available, so they are all too happy to come over for our very simple and sometimes chaotic dinners. Gets me to clean the house, too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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take time to figure out what you enjoy and make sure you life is not just taking care of everyone else, pamper youself now and then too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I have been a single mum since I was 3 months pregnant with number three. I was completely terrified about what it would be like and how much would be on my plate. I had never lived alone before (always with a boy friend or friends after leaving my mum's house) and had no idea how I was going to cope with three kids on my own.<br>
I've now been doing this for almost a year (been single over a year, nearly a year since we moved out) and I am truely amazed at how easy it has been! Now I am not living in a very unhappy and unhealthy relationship I am so much happier and have so much more energy. The kids are settled and now have a better relationship with thier father than they did before. I'm not saying that it is never exhausting or hard work (what I wouldn't give for a whole nights sleep and a lie in.....!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: ) but everything is just plain easier. Like a pp said - a weight lifted.<br>
What helped me to get through this period was to keep planning. I made lists and plan of everything from my budget, what I would get for my new home, how I would get all the cooking, cleaning etc done. It got all that stuff that was whirling around in my head out onto paper and I felt like I had done something constructive.<br>
Keep in mind that things will get better and you won't be in this transition stage where everything is scary and unknown for long - soon you will know just how strong and capable you really are. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Just wanted to say that these stories are very inspirational for me. We will be co-habitating for at least the next 4 months, in a teeny little house, and there are times I wonder how I am going to get through it.<br><br>
I love the suggestions for planning Rainbow2911... I am a big list-maker too and somehow, just the process of making lists (decorating ideas, reminders about how I want our days to be structured, budgets) really lifts my spirits.
 
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