Has anyone heard of the 1 2 3 Magic discipline strategy by Thomas Phelan?<br><br>
What have your impressions or experiences been?<br><br>
I've only heard good things about it and am looking for all views before I jump right in with ds 8 and dd 5.
Here is a recent thread about the issues revolving around the use of counting. <a href="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=369213&page=1&pp=20&highlight=counting" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/discussions...light=counting</a><br><br>
I haven't actually read any lit on 123 magic, but I suppose I use with my ds 3yo. I use it as 'wait time'. I read a few posts from the previous thread and I tend to feel that a little coercion goes a long way in maintaining the peace sometimes. Ooo, the flames I may get for that! Seriously, I never punish. I prefer to set some limits and enforce them by letting Jake have some degree of control. I use counting to enforce things that are a safety issue or just non-negoitable. Sorry, Kid, but going to daycare today is something you MUST do...not a lot of room for compromise from what I can see. I like having something that focuses Jake to make a timely decision.<br><br>
So, if you decide to use counting (I'm not sure I actually use 123 magic) here's what I do:<br>
I let Jake know that he needs to either do A or I will help him<br>
Example: You need to hold my hand in the parking lot or I will need to carry you<br><br>
Hope this helps...and doesn't get me flamed! Much love!
I never found the need to use 123 Magic at home, but I used it a few years ago with a kindergarten class. The class had had a string of subs after their teacher was fired, and they were out of control!<br><br>
I used 123 Magic and it got them cooperating with me pretty fast, without me needing to be "harsh." HTH
1-2-3 Magic is not the same as typical counting.<br><br>
I wouldn't use it with every child, but for some it works well. My older daughter borders on the oppositional, or at least she used to. She is extremely strong-willed and can be defiant. It used to be that every simple request would turn into a battle. Reasoning with her was completely counterproductive. I find that using 1-2-3 Magic helps us all a great deal. It has eliminated a great deal of yelling and lost tempers. She has even admitted that she likes it.<br><br>
My younger daughter has a completely different personality. We do use this technique with her occasionally, but she has a much higher innate desire to please than our older dd.
I've read 1-2-3 Magic and feel that it is a tool that, when used appropriately, can be beneficial to some families in some situations. The important thing to note is that the system advocated in the book uses counting only for stopping behaviors, not for starting behaviors. For example, your toddler is throwing cereal on the floor and you calmly say "Let's keep our cereal on the high chair tray," and your child looks at you and continues throwing the cereal. Then the parent might say, "Please don't throw your cereal on the floor anymore," and he does it again. Then the parent says calmly and not threateningly, "One." And so on, up to 3 if necessary and then there is some kind of consequence if the number 3 is reached (in my case, the few times I resort to this we never get to "3").<br><br>
It does not work for starting behaviors, such as getting your child to dress themselves in a timely fashion. The book suggests methods other than counting for those situations.
I watched the video instead of reading the book. I thought he had some good points, and I do use counting occasionally, for both stopping and starting behavior. The thing I disliked about his method was that it's basically counting all.the.time. I use it sparingly and it's still effective. It seems like too much to me to count all the time. I felt like I was training a dog.
we used it and it was an effective tol for us to regain control over the house. except I do not believe in sending children to thier room. instead I bring them closet to me.<br><br>
the main thing in this "system" as well as anything else is consistancy. really with consistancy anything will work.
Everyone talks about onsistency, but consistency is what has been tripping me up. For me, I feel that consistency of what I expect is important. My son has to know what is expected of him, and that it's not going to change willy nilly. But I think there are so many situations, that if I interpret "consistent" to mean "always following through in the same manner" then I just end up being far too strict than is necessary and than I think is healthy. Just thinking out loud here. But that is what I disliked about this method. Counting was something that I personally disliked using consistently. It seemed like the video was about getting your child to listen to every little thing you say without much effort.
We used it especially with my oldest. We have some major drama in our life and things were really out of control. I needed a consistent response and my son needed a consistent response. I don’t agree with everything the author says he can be very condescending and I co-sleep.<br><br>
I would say we don’t jump on that bed we jump on the jumping bed. DS would ignore me. Then I would say 1. 2. 3 I wouldn’t say the method is a cure all. But for us, it was reclaiming calmness. I could calmly handling my son he saw me calm and consistent. Once the home was calm. I could use better GD methods like natural consequences and move away from it.<br><br>
I have used it from time to time when, admittingly, I don't know what else to do or don't like the natural consequences. Like one night my son wouldn't be quite and go to sleep. His behavior was disturbing everyone else. 1, 2, 3... outside the room he went. Then he came back and was quite. I didn't have to kick him out for the night.
A lot of moms here don't like the program, I do though but the key is consistency. I never got time to read the book so I got the video seminar which I could listen to while cleaning and stuff and found it very helpful. My dd is a handful and is always pushing limits to the extreme it seems but the program gets her behavior under control after 3-7 days of hell while she try's to prove to me its not going to work and thinks I'll give in. The problem a lot of people run into is they stop using the program correctly which I am often guilty of, we'll have several good weeks of behavior where life is much easier around here then things seem to go to hell and so I rewatch the tape and sure enough he makes that comment of "parents tell me the program used to work wonderfully but now its not. The problem is there not correctly using the program" and then I have a duh moment and review the rules and realize I wasn't following the program. We go back to the program and things get better.
We use this technique at home. My mom used it on my brother and me. It made such an impression on my cousin that years later she asked if I was going to use it on my children. I do. That said, many people don't read the book and make up their own 1 2 3 method that are nothing like 123 Magic and wonder why it doesn't work, my DH included <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
What I like:<br><br>
Before I start counting I tell my DC the consequence if they don't stop the negative behavior.<br><br>
The counting is done with no emotion, no raising of voice, no negotiation in between counting ( 1, 1 1/2, you need to stop now, 2 , 2 2 1/2)<br><br>
And it gives my DC the chance to make up their mind, "Do I stop this behavior or take the consequences"?<br><br>
Comparing parenting styles to some of my friends, I find that I don't yell at my children nor do I spend all my time explaining over and over/negotiating/pleading/begging my DC to stop their negative behaviors.