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I'm expecting baby #2 in Dec. MIL has alway told me that 2 is enough many times before now and how she doesn't want us to have anymore then that. I come from a large family and while she hasn't directly said she doesn't like big families she has made it clear that she doesn't want DH and I to have one and she'd not be happy with us if we decided to.<br><br>
Dh and I have not decided if this baby will be our last or if we will have more. I personally think that the number of kids we have is none of her business as we wouldn't have more then we can take care of/afford.<br><br>
Since becoming pregnant again she hasn't said anything to me about the "two's enough" again but tonight she did tell Dh that (before this she'd never mentioned to him that two was enough only me). I'm sure she'll be coming to visit in a few weeks and will prolly tell me her feelings on it yet again.<br><br>
My question you ladies is what would you say or do if your MIL or anyone else thought they had say in the number of children you and your DP had? I need something to tell her so she'll back off. As much as I want to say something smart-alicly (something like that would egg her on to make even more rude comments), I need a polite way of saying it...though I wouldn't mind having a few comebacks, if you have them.<br><br>
Thanks
 

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"You know what? You had your chance, this is my family. Back off. I'll have as many kids as I want, be it 2, 8, or 15."
 

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yeah that, I guess it wouldn't bother me too much. Unless she was being really rude and serious about it... I'd just blow it off and have as many babies as you and DH want <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
After our 3rd my mom said a few times "three is plenty right?" and "your already out-numbered" etc. but she was partly joking. I know and she knows that we don't have more or less children because of what someone else thinks <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
oh and we are very happy we went on to have #4 <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/luxlove.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="throb">
 

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She doesn't want you to have any more? and she wouldn't be happy if you did?..looks through bag,wait here it is,the world's smallest violin just for her <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/violin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="violin"><br><br>
I didn't realise she was going to be creating,supporting or raising this child/children whether you;'re having 1 more or a dozen more, oh wait she isn't!<br><br>
I'd be so furious,what makes her think she has a right to have a say? If you want to have a dozen children or adopt an entire orphanage and are loving and caring for them and their needs, then that is you and your partners perogative and no one elses's.<br><br>
Why is there such hatred for big families? I'll never understand this,and I wouldn't consider 3 to be a large family.<br><br>
This probably didn't help, but I couldn't help ranting.<br><br>
I'd simply tell her it's none of her business.
 

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Yikes, what a weird woman. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
I don't get it. Why does she think her opinion matters at all? And would she seriously be angry if you dared have a third child? Does she think that her opinion is going to make you and DH re-think your plans to possibly have another child?<br><br>
Some people are so ridiculous. I would tell her to mind her own business, and that the decision to have more children is not hers to make.
 

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Well, before our kids, MIL kept saying how she wanted grandkids. Finally after one comment, I took DH by the hand and said, "Come on, I guess that means we should go have sex" and walked away with him. That at least slowed down the comments.<br><br>
For this situation I guess I would do the opposite, and say, "Well, I can't make any promises unless you can convince DH we shouldn't have sex anymore." See what she says to that.
 

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You have to be pretty clear. You can say with a very large smile, "I know you want what is best for us, but what is best for us is to follow our hearts and make our own decisions. You had your chance to create the family you wanted and now it is time for us to do so, too. In the future, please keep any thoughts you had on this matter to yourself. Just because you want us to have two, won't change our decision in the matter in the slightest."<br><br>
I took some of that from previous posters, but seriously, you and your DH should nip this in the bud right now. If she says it ever again, say, "Didn't I ask you previously to keep your thoughts on this matter to yourself? We are planning on having 5 and if you think there's anything wrong with that, too bad for you." And continue telling her you plan to have 5 children, (whether you do or not) and let her stew on that one. Then if you have four, she might actually learn to be happy about it!!!
 

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We have three kids and my grandpa...who had four...kept telling me three was enough. One day he asked me to promise him not to have more. I said "grandpa, I am not going to promise to not have any more kids. that is our decision and frankly, nobody else's business. If you keep hounding me, I might have another one just out of spite." He never brought it up again.
 

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You have to be pretty clear. You can say with a very large smile, "I know you want what is best for us, but what is best for us is to follow our hearts and make our own decisions. You had your chance to create the family you wanted and now it is time for us to do so, too. In the future, please keep any thoughts you had on this matter to yourself. Just because you want us to have two, won't change our decision in the matter in the slightest."<br><br>
I took some of that from previous posters, but seriously, you and your DH should nip this in the bud right now. If she says it ever again, say, "Didn't I ask you previously to keep your thoughts on this matter to yourself? We are planning on having 5 and if you think there's anything wrong with that, too bad for you." And continue telling her you plan to have 5 children, (whether you do or not) and let her stew on that one. Then if you have four, she might actually learn to be happy about it!!!
 

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I always smile and say, "That's between me and DH."<br><br>
I don't go any further with it and promptly change the subject.<br><br>
I don't owe anyone an explanation and no one knows our marital relationship or our finances better than we do so I don't waste my time.<br><br>
Liz
 

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I would NOT be nice at all. I would tell her that it is not her decision how many children you have and you would appreciate it if she kept her rude comments to herself from now on. She had her family, now it is your turn and it is NO concern of hers how many children you choose to have.
 

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Sometimes I avoid confrontation. If I was in that kind of a mood, I wouldn't say a word and I'd have as many babies as I wanted.<br><br>
But it would be hard for me to avoid confrontation in this case. I might say something like, "It isn't up to you, and I don't want to hear it again."<br><br>
But really your husband should be the one to tell her to shut up since she's his mom.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><b><i>RiverSky wrote:</i></b> "I know you want what is best for us, but what is best for us is to follow our hearts and make our own decisions. You had your chance to create the family you wanted and now it is time for us to do so, too. In the future, please keep any thoughts you had on this matter to yourself. Just because you want us to have two, won't change our decision in the matter in the slightest."</td>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/clap.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="clap"><br><br>
Yes, this exactly. Print this and memorize it and repeat it like a robot if it is ever brought up again <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Perfect <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Hey it will even work for our friends and family who want us to have *more* children and we aren't sure yet (we have one dd and she may be an only).
 

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I'd have already blurted out something tactless and inappropriate by now like "Last I checked, you weren't paying our bills, so you get no say in the matter." It's probably better to go with something nice, like the above paragraph.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>raleigh_mom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9026765"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Well, before our kids, MIL kept saying how she wanted grandkids. Finally after one comment, I took DH by the hand and said, "Come on, I guess that means we should go have sex" and walked away with him. That at least slowed down the comments.<br><br>
For this situation I guess I would do the opposite, and say, "Well, I can't make any promises unless you can convince DH we shouldn't have sex anymore." See what she says to that.</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>_betsy_</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/9027533"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'd have already blurted out something tactless and inappropriate by now like "Last I checked, you weren't paying our bills, so you get no say in the matter." It's probably better to go with something nice, like the above paragraph.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I would nip it in the bud ASAP OP.
 

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Try something like, "Two kids is enough" - answer, "well, I guess it's good you stopped then, now isn't. Or are considering more?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Then there is always the response of "oh, I'm glad that worked for you. We'll see what works for us".<br><br>
I don't think you have be confrontational. But I'm a big talker - I'm always afraid to tell my mom I'm pregnant. My senior title used to be "my mom thinks I should stop now"
 

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I'm getting pretty good at the noncommittal "hmmmm" when people say dumb stuff like that. Or, if I'm feeling feisty, "hmmmm, how fascinating." People don't generally know how to respond, so they shut up. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> I personally wouldn't waste the energy trying to convince her she needs to butt out, since she has already decided it's her business, but there's no reason you need to treat it like a statement worth a response.<br><br>
Now someone needs to remind me of this calm, unemotional reaction when my MIL arrives after my next kid is born! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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I would be so tempted to ask her what she's going to say to the next child(ren) who wants to know why she didn't want him/her/them to be born. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
Then I'd probably think better of it and offer her a cookie or something, hoping to keep her mouth busy with anything other than talking. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Well, before our kids, MIL kept saying how she wanted grandkids. Finally after one comment, I took DH by the hand and said, "Come on, I guess that means we should go have sex" and walked away with him. That at least slowed down the comments.</td>
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At FIL's 65th, MIL said that we should have kids because FIL "may not have much time left." Nice.<br><br>
I hate meddling MILS
 
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