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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, my 10 mo over the last couple of days has started falling flat on his back and bawling. I would be sitting on the floor with him, and he'd be knocking over a tower, or something he's done a million times before. At first I was worried that he had some sort of neurological balance issue and was on the verge of calling the doctor when...<br><br>
Dh took a pen lid away from ds saying, "Brady that has sharp edges, here, have xyz instead" and ds fell flat on his back, screamed and started kicking his legs. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
We had a giggle (I know we're horrible, but it was SO cute) and then Dh said in a calm stern voice "Ds, I don't think this is going to get you the pen lid back" and Ds sat up, rubbed his little eyes and accepted the alternative toy that Dh had offered.<br><br>
Yikes! Tantrums already! Any advice? How'd we do for our first one?
 

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Read the sticky 'Cry for connection' - its very helpful and insightful as well!<br><br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/articles/growing_child/toddlers/tantrums.html" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/articles/gr.../tantrums.html</a><br><br>
Basically:<br><br>
1). Tantrums are the only way your child can express their feelings.<br>
2). Feelings are often confusing for a small child - especially if they dont know what they are! - They can be quite overwhelming!...resulting in a 'tantrum'<br>
3). Tantrums are not bad. Feelings are not 'bad'.<br>
4). Yes for the adult they can be distressing and annoying, etc...but they should never be ignored or mocked<br>
5). Let your child have their tantrum. It is their release - but this does not mean to ingore the tantrum. This means more acknowledging your childs feelings and needs for release. You and I as adults can talk about our feelings, a child this young can not. So...<br>
6). Talk to your child about their feelings...'I see you are <i>upset</i>...I see you are <i>angry</i>...I see you are <i>frustrated</i>....' ... 'Its okay to be angry/upset/sad/frustrated/etc'<br>
6a). Back inside your mind- try and figure what the 'trigger' of the tantrum was. They are often caused by something else. Remember there is more to your childs actions than the outside behaviour you can physically see. This isnt to be used as an excuse - this is to help you realise what triggers an overflow of feelings in your child so you can better help to prevent them and to work with them. Often for toddlers at least its hunger/tired/overstimulation. EX: Long day - DS has a tantrum when he tries to help with something he cant physically do. I know he is tired and its near lunchtime so hes probably hungry as well which doesnt help - but lets work on how he is feeling and help him problem solve. Afterwards ill tackle the underlying problem by providing lunch and some nice quiet/relaxing time together.<br>
7). Come up with a consensual solution. Offering your child an alternative toy was a good way of doing this...though I dont personally have an issue with pen lids! lol (all of ours are just chewed to bits! lol)...<br>
8). Finally - remember your child is not trying to manipulate you. (espeically at 10 months!)
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Thanks for the tips! I definitely agree about the children are not manipulators part. I had a huge fight with my Dad about this, as he thinks children are inherently evil and lie to get what they want. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
Usually I would be fine with a pen lid, but this pen had been chewed by moi and was very sharp, so not a great toy.
 

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And mostly at that age, and over apen lid, he's just expressing his frustration.<br><br>
FWIW...I don't think a stern voice is always necessary for a ten month old. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 
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