[appifanie]

Okay, so my DSS will be 10 at the end of August. And he still sucks his thumb! Not all the time, of course, but DH and I catch him doing it sometimes (I caught him twice yesterday!). I should mention that DSS is here for the month but normally is with his mom or grandparents. (When DH spoke to his dad about the problem his dad said "so, you smoke, don't you?" which is not the point at all. But clearly the grandparents aren't doing anything about the thumbsucking, which is weird, cause they're . . . whatever.)

DH is in the army, so he was having DSS do 10 push-ups everytime he caught him, but that wasn't working at all. I tried talking to him about it (why he does it and such) but that hasn't helped. DH is paying DSS $2/day allowance for helping out around the house, and I suggested that we take away $.50 or $1 every time we catch him.

Any ideas to get DSS to stop?

Thanks!

 

[midwifetx]

Just a warning, this is a pretty harsh post.

What would be the point of taking away a comfort thing for a child with a relatively unstable life (home/grandparents/occasionally to dad's)? What is the thumb-sucking hurting? Who does it benefit if he is shamed into quitting? Won't he just work harder to hide it and feel guilty about it? What would be the point of that? Shame is not a good motivator for a child, and if he has so little time with his Dad anyway, why would y'all want that to be the one thing he corralates with being with his father?

I agree with the child. Better thumb sucking than smoking...let him ride out this oral fixation with something safe. He's not going to suck his thumb for all of his life, but he's a little guy (10 is just not a grown-up age) I think your dh needs a heart attitude adjustment about the issue, rather than your dss needing to stop this one little thing.

 

[faythe]

I agree with midwifetx. I'm guessing that at 10yo he's likely only doing at home, his peers would probably be much more harsh than your dh.

I'd let it go. You can't make him not suck him thumb, but you sure can make this month something that he always looks back on with unhappiness. I'm sure that he's feeling a bit of stress right now, no matter how "good" a divorce is, it's always unsettling for the child to go back and forth between two places, two sets of parents, two sets of friends and two sets of rules (btdt myself).

You may find that by laying off the pressure that your dss will be more relaxed and less likely to turn to his thumb for comfort.

 

[Lisa Lubner]

I'm sorry, I have to disagree with the PPs.

Here's why...

My sister and I both sucked our thumbs from infanthood until we were that old. At that point, it was a serious habit, and it was very hard for us to stop. My parents tried everything... Hot sauce on our thumbs (we would just tolerate it for a minute or two and then it would go away... Putting gloves on and then pinning the gloves to our pajama sleeves (we would just stick our thumbs out of the hole between the pins)... Rewards, punishments, bribes... It was causing the both of us to have a serious overbite at that age. The only thing that helped us both stop was a tongue crib.

Both of us needed thousands of dollars worth of work at the orthodontist (braces-headgear-retainers) to correct our overbites after we stopped the chronic thumb sucking.

Anyway, treat it like any other addiction. Take it seriously, but don't punish the kid for it.

 

[midwifetx]

I also sucked my thumb until quite late as did my mother, and neither of us needed any orthadontia at all. I believe the potential but not assured necessity for braces is a crummy reason to shame a child and take away an excellent and available comfort measure.

I believe "saucing" is abuse, even if it is done 'in love'

 

[Lisa Lubner]

Quote:

Originally Posted by midwifetx I also sucked my thumb until quite late as did my mother, and neither of us needed any orthadontia at all. I believe the potential but not assured necessity for braces is a crummy reason to shame a child and take away an excellent and available comfort measure. I believe "saucing" is abuse, even if it is done 'in love'

For one thing, I never said the child should be shamed. In fact, I said specifically that he shouldn't be.

Secondly, my parents didn't "sauce" me as an infant. They put a seriously diluted mixture of some bad tasting stuff on my thumb to discourage me from sucking it as a ten year old. My sister actually LIKED the stuff... I thought it was gross but the taste went away in about a minute. Either way, I certainly wasn't suggesting it to the OP. I only mentioned it because my parents literally tried EVERYTHING to get us to stop, because it WAS causing us both problems.

And it may not have caused YOU any problems, but I certainly wish I had been able to get over this habit before I had to suffer YEARS of uncomfortable dental work. Ever had to wear head gear?? It sucks, it really does.

Honestly, if the kid is only doing it because he needs a reliable source of comfort, then that needs to be addressed. Is there something else he can turn to for comfort that isn't habit forming and *possibly* detrimental to his health? Seriously, if you think it would be in his best interest to stop sucking his thumb, try to address the root of the problem rather than the symptom first. If that doesn't work, or if you think he's a just pretty well adjusted kid with a habit, then take steps to help him kick it.

 

[appifanie]

excellent points all, thanks! i'm a lost newbie mom (only been married 2 1/2 months!).

Quote:

Originally Posted by ms.momi Honestly, if the kid is only doing it because he needs a reliable source of comfort, then that needs to be addressed. Is there something else he can turn to for comfort that isn't habit forming and *possibly* detrimental to his health? Seriously, if you think it would be in his best interest to stop sucking his thumb, try to address the root of the problem rather than the symptom first. If that doesn't work, or if you think he's a just pretty well adjusted kid with a habit, then take steps to help him kick it.

good advice - thx!

 

[faythe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ms.momi I'm sorry, I have to disagree with the PPs. Here's why... My sister and I both sucked our thumbs from infanthood until we were that old. At that point, it was a serious habit, and it was very hard for us to stop. My parents tried everything... Hot sauce on our thumbs (we would just tolerate it for a minute or two and then it would go away... Putting gloves on and then pinning the gloves to our pajama sleeves (we would just stick our thumbs out of the hole between the pins)... Rewards, punishments, bribes... It was causing the both of us to have a serious overbite at that age. The only thing that helped us both stop was a tongue crib. Both of us needed thousands of dollars worth of work at the orthodontist (braces-headgear-retainers) to correct our overbites after we stopped the chronic thumb sucking. Anyway, treat it like any other addiction. Take it seriously, but don't punish the kid for it.

Just a couple of thoughts here - your parents tried everything, yet nothing worked. Apparently it was more important to you and your sister to keep sucking. I know people who told me they were able to defeat the tongue appliance and keep sucking.

The OP didn't mention a need for orthodontic work, so I'm not going to assume that it's a problem. From the reading I've done in the last few years (I have one former and one active thumbsucker) thumbsucking can lead the way to orthodontia, but it's not guaranteed, and for every thumbsucker getting braces there is another who will never need them.

To the OP - have you and your dh discussed this with your dss? What are his thoughts? Does he want to quit? Does he have any ideas of what might or might not work? Why does he suck, are there alternative soothing/comforting things he can do?

 

[Lisa Lubner]

Quote:

Originally Posted by faythe Just a couple of thoughts here - your parents tried everything, yet nothing worked. Apparently it was more important to you and your sister to keep sucking. I know people who told me they were able to defeat the tongue appliance and keep sucking.

My parents only started making an issue out of it when the dentist suggested we go to an orthodontist. It wasn't an issue of the thumb sucking being important to us... it was like any other "bad habit" (and I say bad only because it WAS causing us problems), like picking your nose or biting your nails. (I still bite my nails when I get anxious, haha) If I could have beat the tongue crib, I would have... not so much because thumb sucking was important to me, but more because it definately is a major adjustment if you've been putting yourself to sleep for most of your life while sucking your thumb. These things take time, you know?

 

[fyoosh]

OK I am gonna reply here and embarass myself, but honestly I really don't care at this point. I am an adult thumbsucker. I don't do it in public or anything, only when relaxing at home in bed. I am pretty sure my 8 year old stepson does it as well still. He's never seen me do it. Very few people have (my hubby, my son, and maybe a couple of my friends).

I am a well adjusted person, I do not need therapy, and I don't have unresolved "issues". I just have done it since (probably before) birth, and it's something that is relaxing. My teeth aren't horribly screwed up, and I got around anything that was used to try to get me to stop when I was younger.

I figure as long as the kid is normal, healthy, and isn't getting horribly picked on, who cares if he sucks his thumb in private? If he does it in school or whatnot, that may be a different issue -- I never sucked mine in public after I reached school age (for me, school age was 4).

Edit: I wanted to add that my son (almost 4) is not a thumbsucker and never has been. He used a pacifier until just before 3, when he bit a hole in his last one then tossed it across the room because it didn't work right anymore

 

[the_lissa]

I sucked my thumb until I was 11. The only thing that was accomplished by people trying to get me to stop was to make me feel uilty and ashamed. My brother sucked his thumb until he was 16. My SIL until her early 20s. My MIL did for a long time as well. My 2 year old dd sucks her theumb, and I won't do anything about it. I don't see a problem.

 

[Hatteras Gal]

My sister sucked her fingers well into her teenage years. By that time it was a nighttime only thing and not all that frequent. She never needed any dental work. My dd is 4 and sucks her thumb. She may very well need to see an orthodonist. She may stop when she's 5 like she says she will. It's a comfort thing for her and I won't make her stop (how could I, anyway?)

 

[alegna]

Let it go and leave the poor boy alone. You are only in his life for vacations, enjoy him, don't harrass him.

My sister has a close friend who always sucked her thumb. I KNOW she was still sucking it now and then at 11 or 12. Now as an adult I still see whispers of it (she rubs her lip with her fingers) and I wouldn't be surprised if she still sucks it now and then in private. She never had any problems from it- never needed orthodontics.

-Angela

 

[momof3sweeties]

Quote:

Let it go and leave the poor boy alone. You are only in his life for vacations, enjoy him, don't harrass him

.

:

My niece sucked her thumb forever. It was an attachment issue not her teeth. Her teeth are totally fine. I know 3 different adults who sucked their thumb till well over 8yo. There teeth are fine and they don't suck their thumb anymore!

Sounds to me as this little guy has gone through a lot with his parents splitting up. He'll get through this eventually. Once he feels embarrassed by it around other kids he'll stop...he'll outgrow it for him in his own time. Just think of him naturally weaning himself....

 

[Clarinet]

By the way, smoking is also an oral fixation so your husband's father wasn't off base by pointing it out. This is the reason why some people gain weight when they quit - they are replacing the oral habit of smoking with food.

I agree with everyone about leaving him alone. By punishing him, he'll just feel bad about what he's doing and hide it. I guarantee it won't stop, it'll just stop in front of you.

 

[Lisa Lubner]

Dude, I feel totally cheated now, hearing about all these people that got skip the braces! Bleh!

 

[Brigianna]

I am 33 and suck my thumb, so, there you are.

It never mis-aligned my teeth or caused any other problems. I think there are probably a lot of adult thumb-suckers out there who just don't admit it publically.

 

[messy mama]

Another positive thumb sucking story.

My brother sucked his thumb until he was 12. He is one of six kids in my family and the only one to have sucked his thumb. I kid you not, he has perfectly straight teeth. Mine on the other hand were jacked and I never sucked my thumb or a paci.

My mom also sucked her thumb, until 12 oddly enough. She also has very straight teeth.

I think teeth are going to do what they are going to do. Your either going to have crooked teeth or not. I do think if you are destined to have crooked teeth, thumb sucking will make it worse. But hey you're going to have to get work done anyway, may as well have something that comforts you while you wait.

While my DS's (7), who is not a thumb sucker, teeth were growing in, I kept picturing my brother every time he smiled. Now that his teeth have come in, perfectly straight, I realize he inherited my brother's straight teeth. Thank goodness!!! They look nothing alike but if you compare pictures of them smiling at the same age, it's just freaky how exactly the same their teeth look. My DS did have a paci until he was 3.

 

[BookGoddess]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ms.momi Dude, I feel totally cheated now, hearing about all these people that got skip the braces! Bleh!

I'm jealous too.

As a child I sucked my thumb at night for 10 years. I need 2 years of braces plus head gear to correct the overbite.

 

[RubyWild]

My sister sucked her thumb well into her teens. I don't see the big deal. Some people overeat, some smoke, some chew gum... Hey, I didn't suck my thumb or a pacifier and I had braces for two years. Anyway, trying to coerce him when he's not ready, well, in forcing him to stop, I'd worry more about his mental health than his dental health. I'd just ignore it.

Anyway, check this out: http://www.thumbsuckingadults.com/