[amydidit]

I'm getting really frustrated. My daughter is 10, will be 11 in September. We've already had problems with her wetting the bed at night. We've never shamed her, always told her that it's okay, but if she has an accident she NEEDS to tell us that morning so we can wash everything. She will NOT tell us. For a while (about 6 months) she had no accidents, now it's happening every few days. Nothing major has changed... we haven't moved, she has friends, school got out so no more school stress, etc. In the morning we're all very busy trying to get ready to go so we can't check her room every morning.

I'm getting VERY frustrated. I don't know what else to do... I've tried talking to her, and talking, and talking... all she says is she "forgets to tell" us about them. This afternoon I went in her room to close the window and as soon as I opened the door I gagged. The smell was terrible. There on the floor were wet jammie pants. I also found a pair of jeans that she appeared to have had an accident in as well. It was dry and crusty. The jeans were in the corner under some papers, so it looks like she was hiding it.

When she came in from walking the dog I asked her if she had an accident last night. She said no. I mentioned I saw wet pants in her room. She STILL denied it was her. I admit, I was frustrated and got a bit snarky and asked who was wearing her clothes then. Yeah, I shouldn't have done that, but dang... I'm so fed up! She stills says she didn't have an accident, despite the fact that she saw the pants I was talking about. I asked her about the crusty jeans. She said she doesn't know what happened to them. After a few minutes she said she "might" know. A few days ago she had to go to the bathroom while we were in the car and apparently went in her pants a little while we were driving to the bathroom. I asked why she didn't put them in the wash when we got home then, again she said she didn't know.

ARGH! I'm so upset right now. Not about the accidents (though I'm concerned about the fact that it's gotten worse), but because she is CONSTANTLY hiding it and lying about it. I've tried to talk to her about hygiene and being sanitary, but she just closes her ears and ignores me.

I really don't know what else to do.

 

[Pepperdove]

wow, mama. No advice, but I hope it gets figured out. This might call for more help than the MDC crew has to offer, KWIM?

 

[Jasmyn's Mum]

I don't know if this is true in your case but I read somewhere that sometimes it can be fear of the father. Please don't get mad. It's just what I read. Sometimes it could be a physiological problem. Have you considered going to see a homeopath? Or a doc?

That can't be easy for you, Mama. I hope you all work it out.

 

[Marsupialmom]

She is embarrassed. She needs to see a doctor. Is she soiling her pants also? http://askdrsears.com/html/7/t071200.asp

Jasmyn's Mum--That is a horrible myth about bed wetting that doesn't need to be repeated. Yes psycological issues can trigger it but what you said is a horrible leap that can breed more emotional trama. It is more likely to be physical in nature not mental. Bedwetting isn't a symptom of family dysfunction or mental illness.

 

[Dar]

This is more than just bedwetting, though, if she has wet blue jeans (I assume she wasn't sleeping in them). Maybe she has a UTI? I would have her checked out medically for something like that, just in case.

Also, I'm not sure what you mean by "crusty", but I'm not seeing how that term would apply to pants with pee on them, even dry pee. Could she be having some vaginal discharge, rather than peeing? Especially if she had a yeast infection or something, that could create a lot of moisture that would dry and become "crusty"... although if he jeans are actuallty wet then maybe not.

Dar

 

[nextcommercial]

All I can think of is to start making her responsible every day for cleaning it herself.

Walk her throught he whole thing, and you will have to show her a few times, but as long as she can just wash her own stuff, maybe it wont be an issue.

I understand why she is embarrassed. If she lies, maybe you will believe her, and maybe it wont be so humiliating. Even if you don't get angry at her, SHE is still embarrassed by it. So, perhaps this is all a denial thing.

Bedwetting is more of a sleep problem than a potty problem, but kids don't see it that way. It must be really stressing her out.

My dd was a bedwetter for a very short time in first grade. (never figured out why) .... But, I made the bed with one whole set of bedding. Then, I made the bed again with a BIG waterproof pad, then another set of sheets and bedding on top of that. If she wet the bed, she just dragged the first set off, put them in a big giant toy bucket that we emptied for the dirty sheets, and took off her jammies, put them in the bucket, and got back in bed.

That way, she could take care of it herself, and it didn't disrupt anyone else's sleep. The next morning, I would wash the sheets, and remake the bed the same way.

You could try this, and since she is older, also have her carry the wet sheets to the washer and start the wash in the morning. You can finish it for her, but this way, she doesn't have to tell you about it.

Eleven year olds are not known for being neat and tidy though, so ACTUALLY getting her to wash her linens could be a whole other problem.

Edited to add, I was assuming she fell asleep in her blue jeans. If she was awake and wet them, this is a different problem alltogether.

 

[amydidit]

Thanks for the responses! We had her checked by the doctor a while back (before the break in the accidents) and she was medically fine. Right now we don't have insurance (or money, literally. We're both overdrawn) so I can't get her to a psychologist or doctor again... not until August at the earliest.

It's late and I'm tired so I'm going to try to just quickly answer some of the points that were asked. Sorry if I jump around a bit.

We've tried making the bed with the pad and all that so she could take care of it. Even showed her how to do her own laundry if she wanted too. She STILL wouldn't do it.

By crusty I mean she actually pooped a little in them. It wasn't at night. She says she thinks it was when she had to go to the bathroom and didn't hold it while we drove to the restroom. She said she "only went a little" so to be more comfortable and because it was hard to hold. That's why it was crusty when it dried. This really disturbs me.

I realize she is embarrassed but I can't think of how to help her over that. As I mentioned in this post we can't afford to get her counseling (even with a sliding scale, unless they slide down to free. There are no counselors here in town that will see her. Cheapest I could find was $100 hour).

I've tried to think of everything I can to think what would've caused this relapse, but I can't think of anything.

 

[angelcat]

What about pullups (well, that size is actually called Goodnites, I think). That may be easier for her to deal with. There are store brands avaialable that are cheaper.

I remember, I htink for me I was 12-13, I went thru a few months where I had to pee all the time. it was awful. I"d go and 2 seconds later I felt like i had to go again. I remember ocasioanlly peeing on small blankets or something at night, as I was just exhausted, I wanted to sleep, and I had to pee yet again. My mom had a simila problem when she was 11-12, and she used to pee in a plant in her room. SO that is a thought, as to why it might be getting worse again.

I also know my brother wet the bed ti he was 12-13 or so. Then he outgrew it.

As for the poop thing, if it doesn't keep happening, I'd say it's no biggie. I had that happen to me once-I wasn't even aware til I went to the bathroom. It was because I'd be eating tons of fruit, I think. It was just one time.

 

[Jasmyn's Mum]

Marsupial, thank you for setting me straight and dispelling the myth for me. I think what I was trying to say was that it could be emotional or it could be physical. I certainly never meant to imply that it was a mental illness.

A very good friend of mine from grade school wet her bed until she was 13. Then, one day, she just outgrew it. I remember how ashamed she was and how hard it was for her and her parents. Don't worry, Amy. She'll outgrow it.

 

[amydidit]

Quote:

Originally Posted by angelcat What about pullups (well, that size is actually called Goodnites, I think). That may be easier for her to deal with. There are store brands avaialable that are cheaper. I remember, I htink for me I was 12-13, I went thru a few months where I had to pee all the time. it was awful. I"d go and 2 seconds later I felt like i had to go again. I remember ocasioanlly peeing on small blankets or something at night, as I was just exhausted, I wanted to sleep, and I had to pee yet again. My mom had a simila problem when she was 11-12, and she used to pee in a plant in her room. SO that is a thought, as to why it might be getting worse again. I also know my brother wet the bed ti he was 12-13 or so. Then he outgrew it. As for the poop thing, if it doesn't keep happening, I'd say it's no biggie. I had that happen to me once-I wasn't even aware til I went to the bathroom. It was because I'd be eating tons of fruit, I think. It was just one time.

Thanks for that! It's nice to know that it's happened to others as well. I didn't wet the bed at an older age, so I don't have a personal experience with it.

We used goodnights for a while but she hated them SO much. Would cry and cry and cry and beg us not to have to wear them. I figured it wasn't worth the emotional trauma just to have a dry bed. And now she's outgrown them too.

Again, thank you.

 

[amydidit]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jasmyn's Mum Marsupial, thank you for setting me straight and dispelling the myth for me. I think what I was trying to say was that it could be emotional or it could be physical. I certainly never meant to imply that it was a mental illness. A very good friend of mine from grade school wet her bed until she was 13. Then, one day, she just outgrew it. I remember how ashamed she was and how hard it was for her and her parents. Don't worry, Amy. She'll outgrow it.

Thank you ~smiles~ I had thought she had outgrown it... it had been about 6 months since she'd had an accident. And now, more than ever. I'm more concerned about helping her get over the embarrassment though so she stops hiding it. ~sighs~ I feel like I'm not getting through to her, and she won't open up to me.

 

[Jasmyn's Mum]

I just checked out my homeopathy book on bedwetting and there are a few remedies you can try but they're symptom-specific. PM me if you are interested and I'll type it all out for you.

 

[angelcat]

Quote:

Originally Posted by amydidit Thank you ~smiles~ I had thought she had outgrown it... it had been about 6 months since she'd had an accident. And now, more than ever. I'm more concerned about helping her get over the embarrassment though so she stops hiding it. ~sighs~ I feel like I'm not getting through to her, and she won't open up to me.

I don't think you can totally help. It IS embarrassing, ykwim?

I don't think it was quite as embarrassing for my brother, but sometimes it's different for guys. he had a friend who also wet the bed. I didn't wet the bed after age 3. (I don't count the blanket thing, because I was awake for that, just couldn't face getting out of bed every 2 minutes, (it was literally that bad) and was too uncomfortable to sleep. I did wet the bed once around 13, and I think I may have made up a story as to why my mom needed to wash the sheets. So I can relate to it being very embarrassing. (I dreamt I needed to go pee, and finally found a bathroom so I could pee, so I did...)

Would it be possible to just check her sheets, so she doesn't have to talk about it?

 

[*clementine*]

I wet my bed until I was......well 12 I think.
And so did my dd.
We both outgrew it.
I don't have any advise as far as hiding it goes, but we've been done the peed sheets road too.

 

[hipumpkins]

I really think the best thing to do is go in in the morning and change the sheets. don't ask her a question you know the answer to. Go in change her sheets and let it go.
She is embarassed and no matter what she can't help it. I would completely ignore it unless you think there is a psycological or physical issue.
I woul;dn'tpress her to open up but maybe you could tell her stories about "friends" yiou knew who wet the bed when they were older so she doesn't feel alone.

 

[mamaduck]

I agree with hipumkins -- change the sheets daily. Involve her if you can. Make it part of the AM routine that she brings her sheets out and starts them in the washing machine. No questions asked.

A ten year old can certainly do her own laundry -- mine learned by the time he was 8. That doesn't mean you don't have to press her a little, and remind her on a daily basis.

I also think she needs to see another doctor though. I would look into low cost medical care -- the public library may have a brochure, or her school might. These things that are going on with her are a little bigger than normal bedwetting -- soiling her sheets/pants makes me wonder if she has issues with being constipated.

I don't know about counseling at this point -- I would rule out medical issues first. Obviously, the embarassment is a psychological aspect, but I think its a really normal aspect! She needs to have some tests run, etc. to try to figure out what is wrong.

 

[Marsupialmom]

If she has bm in your underwear then she most likely has another issue....constipation. Constipation, esspecially chronic. At her age it is easy for you not to know how often she bm's. It could also be why she was doing so well then started having accidents again. A full colon can cause pressure, mis-reading, and pee accidents. You will have to do some montitoring and question asking. If she is leaking out bm she could think she is having bm's everday (even several every day) but what is happening the soft stuff is leaking around the harder stuff. She might have small bm's (accidents or purposeful) for several days then every 3-14 days she will have a huge bm.

Please take time to read this article and s

http://askdrsears.com/html/8/t081100.asp
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/8/T086100.asp

http://www.keepkidshealthy.com/adole...stipation.html

http://pediatrics.about.com/od/weekl...t_accident.htm

Quote:

Constipation is a well known cause of urinary problems in children, and that may be the 'trigger' for all of her problems. If this is her major problem, then a Pediatric Gastroenterologist might be helpful. If in addition to her wetting accidents, she is having soiling accidents from bowel movements, then she likely also has encopresis, a complication of constipation.

 

[Mama Dragon]

I've got to get off MDC but wanted to post to this, so I didn't ready any replies (ie, sorry if this has been posted!)

No drinks after 6pm. It's a simple rule of potty training, don't let the child have anything after a certain time so they're less likely to have an accident. But be very, very careful she gets enough to drink during the day, and have her potty right before bed.

You go in every morning, have her strip her bed and take all the dirty things to the laundry room. It's not shaming her to make her clean up her own mess. You wouldn't expect your DH to clean up the mess if you peed the bed

Pullups/Depends (if she's like my DD, she's almost a full grown woman size and would need Depends).

 

[amydidit]

Thank you all again! I think we're going to try making it routine to wash her sheets every morning. We already do wash them every 4 days because we only have one set of sheets for her bed and can't afford to buy more. But we'll start everyday now.

We don't qualify for low cost medical. I've already explored every avenue available here and we make just a little too much to qualify. They don't look at how much we have left over after bills though. I'm starting a new job soon though, and if it works out, my benefits will kick in August 1st.

Thanks for the info about constipation, I hadn't even thought about that. I'll read those links and see what we can do.

 

[queenjane]

Quote:

No drinks after 6pm. It's a simple rule of potty training, don't let the child have anything after a certain time so they're less likely to have an accident. But be very, very careful she gets enough to drink during the day, and have her potty right before bed.

6pm is a very arbitrary time...that might work if you child goes to bed at 8pm.

My son usually goes to sleep anywhere from 1-3 am (or later, depending on his current schedule), and it would be horrible for him to have drinks restricted after 6pm. In fact, i found that restricting drinks doesnt really affect how much he wets....what is key is how long he sleeps. When he sleeps for 6 or 7 hours he usually wakes up dry. When he sleeps longer than that, he usually is wet.

He is 10 yrs old, and wears Goodnites (they go up to 125 pounds i think) every night. I'm certain he will outgrow bedwetting as he gets older, i was 11 or 12 i think when i stopped, and didnt have the benefit of something like Goodnites to wear, i just had a soaked bed each morning. Luckily, even though this was years ago, i didnt have to deal with any shaming. I think it was Michael Landon who was horribly shamed by his mother for wetting the bed, and made a tv movie years later about a teen who had the problem and who's parent was really cruel about it.

For the OP....i would just go in each morning and take care of it. Its a pet peeve of mine when parents ask their kids questions they already know the answer to. You asked your daughter if she wet the bed, even though you knew she did...it forced a confrontation, and since she was really embarressed about it, basically forced her into a lie. You could have said "I noticed some wet clothes in your room this morning, so i put them in the washer." Or better yet, don't say anything at all. What a gift it would be to your daughter to maintain that privacy, for her to find her bed clean and dry and no mention of her problem. Saying it outloud just increases her shame, if thats what she is already feeling internally.

I wouldnt worry about the little bm accident if it only happened once....i think many of us have had an "oops" moment, and its not a big deal. I would be more concerned if it was happening often.

However, the fact that her bedwetting has increased is a cause for worry. If i were you i'd get that checked out when you can afford to do so (and i understand not having the $$, we don't have insurance and so try to avoid going to the dr if at all possible.)

Does your daughter know that older child bedwetting is very common? It might help her if she knows there are TONS of kids who also deal with it on a regular basis.

Katherine