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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
For the past month or so, my 11-month old has stopped nursing to sleep. He nurses, gets all tired and punchy, but fights sleep and sits back up to play. He simply wants to keep playing, doesn't want to let go and miss something. The only way we can get him to sleep is for my husband to put him in the ergo on his back (if I do it, it might take an hour, but for my husband, it usually takes a matter of minutes).<br><br>
The problem is, he throws a fit when he sees it coming. Begins fussing as I get him ready for bed, arches his back, struggles, and cries like his heart is breaking when he sees that we're about to put him in the Ergo and during the minute it takes for my husband to get him on his back. Once he's in, he calms down within a minute or so, grumbles a little, and goes to sleep.<br><br>
I hate handing him over to my husband and stuffing him in the Ergo when he's crying his eyes out. I don't want sleep to be an issue in which we have to dominate him and ignore his feelings. But if we don't do it, he will stay up for hours, getting sleepier and sleepier and crankier and crankier.<br><br>
Two questions:<br><br>
1. Are we doing the right thing? Is there any alternative?<br><br>
2. If he has to cry and throw a fit at bedtime, should we just get a crib and put him in it and let him learn to go to sleep that way? I'm a happy cosleeper and not anxious to give it up, but am starting to envy my friends with babies who lie down happily in their cribs and go to sleep.<br><br>
What's the groovy parenting wisdom on these issues??<br><br>
Help, please!
 

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Not much advice, other than to say we're right there with you. We don't even have the Ergo strategy. (We own an Ergo, but DH doesn't use it, and it would take close to an hour of me walking for DS to fall asleep in it now.)<br><br>
If DS doesn't fall asleep nursing, DS stays with him on the bed. He gets more and more wound up. We find that if we pass him off, he then settles. I don't know how to describe it. He basically gets wound up with one of us, then the other will come it, and somehow DS is able to switch to being calm. Doesn't always work.<br><br>
I say, if the Ergo trick works, do it. He fusses because he doesn't want to sleep, not because you're abandoning him. My DS frequently has a fuss before he drops off. Just today on our bike ride, he fussed. I thought it was because we were going downhill fast, but when I pulled over at the bottom, he was alseep.<br><br>
He'll eventually become more flexible in his going-to-sleep behaviors.
 

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I'm sure you'll get some great ideas here.<br><br>
I think what you're doing is fine. My dd has gone through phases when she cried at bedtime, and I think that is okay. I don't think you are making bedtime an issue for life. I think you should have a bedtime routine that is calm, and that you should stay as calm as you can...don't feed into his fit by getting all emotional too. If you can stay matter-of-fact about it, I think he will learn that it is okay.<br><br>
I think the ergo method is much better than letting him cry in a crib because in the ergo he is being cared for and comforted by a parent. A few minutes of fussing and being mad about getting in the ergo is not the same thing as being left crying in a crib.<br><br>
My mama says I cried every naptime and every bedtime until I was 4 or 5. I remember kicking and screaming at naptime and bedtime. None of her other 3 children did that...part of it is personality. I got over it, though and later loved to go to sleep.<br><br>
Best of luck. I know it is SO hard to hear your sweet one crying. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad">
 

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We went through a similar stage with DS. Thankfully it was just a stage. If the Ergo works right now, just do it. Eventually he'll adjust to doing something different.
 

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I used to hate the fact that Dh was better at putting DS to sleep. We co-slept until DS was about 12.5 months and then Dh started putting him in the crib after he had been put to sleep. That was when he started sleeping through the night was when he slept in his own crib. I will admit that here but no where else. DS is now 21 months and I just took down the sidecarred crib. DS has not slept in it but maybe 5 times since he turned 13 months.<br><br>
So, if it works, don't fix it! Maybe you could try putting your little one into a crib/pack and play after asleep. You never know what will happen until you try.
 

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Tsubaki,<br><br>
Your post could have been written by me! Gabriel is 11 months old and recently he is still awake after nursing, yet obviously tired. For the first few times I thought he was simply not sleepy so I let him play. Big mistake. He played for a bit and then started to throw himself on the ground and cry out of exhaustion. I started putting him in his soft carrier instead (similar to the Ergo) and after about 3-4 minutes of crying and throwing himself about, he falls fast asleep. I found that if I sat on the bouncing chair (one of the big yoga balls) while he is in his carrier it helped him go down faster. One other idea: Last night I realized too late that I left the carrier in the car. Instead of going out into the rain to get it, I decided to just hold him in my arms on the bouncy chair. Sure enough, although it took a little longer, but he went right to sleep! I still rather use the carrier, though, because he is harder to handle in my arms when he is throwing himself around and crying. Hopefully this is just a stage like all the others. I think of it this way - at least I can lay him down on his own now after he falls asleep and he will STAY asleep! One step at a time, yes?<br><br>
- Karrie
 

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My suggestion would be to nurse until he is done and then lie down with him to go to sleep. When he gets up to play, limit the play to his bed and eventually I'm betting he will settle down and go to sleep. The first night was the hardest. My DS cried angrily when I wouldn't let him get off the bed but he calmed down quickly.<br>
If you cosleep you can lie next to him. Pretend you are asleep. If he tries to get off the bed or gets too wild, lie him down and try nursing again.<br><br>
It took my DS an hour or two of get-up-lie-down the first night I did this but he eventually fell asleep. It took about 4 days to stop getting up at all. But I was amazed. I never thought he'd lie down and go to sleep by himself - no rocking, no nursing. Now he just lies with me and goes to sleep all by himself.<br><br>
Dont get a crib so that he can be left alone. Just stay with him in your bed. If you're consistent and just calmly lie him down he will sleep eventually, after 11 months of nursing to sleep he knows its bedtime. Its just a growth spurt and his new found independence at play <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
Good luck.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Tsubaki</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/12355292"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
Two questions:<br><br>
1. Are we doing the right thing? Is there any alternative?<br><br>
2. If he has to cry and throw a fit at bedtime, should we just get a crib and put him in it and let him learn to go to sleep that way? I'm a happy cosleeper and not anxious to give it up, but am starting to envy my friends with babies who lie down happily in their cribs and go to sleep.<br><br>
What's the groovy parenting wisdom on these issues??</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
I don't think you're doing anything wrong. Especially since you say that within minutes he's out. I know dd was the same way. No matter how close to sleep she was when you approached the bedroom, she would complain for a few minutes before falling asleep. I don't know why...but it never lasted more than 4-5min tops. So it's not completely abnormal.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
I don't think a crib would solve the problem. I don't think it would hurt it either, so I'm neutral on that one<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Wow--thanks so much for all the responses. Even if there's no miracle solution, it helps so much to hear from other moms who have gone through the same thing.
 

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I am going though the same thing with my son. He nurses and almost drops off then starts to try to crawl around and is very tired and cranky. It takes me forever to rock him to sleep and he fights me and cries, but it usually takes DH a few minutes.<br><br>
Greenmama- I really like your idea, but I am afraid my son will crawl off the bed and hurt himself. This seems to be his main goal while crawling and screaming (the getting off the bed part not the hurting himself part). How did you deal with this?
 
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