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Chances are a "girlfriend" at that age doesn't mean very much. Likely means they have talked about liking one another and everyone has giggled with them about it. Of course that doesn't mean you laugh it off, since many kids are much more precocious than that. Can you talk with his dad at all about it? What is he doing on social media when the 'rule' is not until 13 for most services (Facebook, Twitter). It seems like getting some kind of system of communication is important as there are much bigger things coming down the road. What about if his access to any kind of media is dependent on his honesty with you?
 

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At this age, and especially with you being the non-custodial parent, I think the best thing you can focus on is the quality of your relationship with your ds. You aren't going to be able to control his choices, his environment, his behaviour ... any attempt to do that is not going to work, and will only distance you from him. You can only model good choices, and love and support him unconditionally. You can do this while taking the high road, not judging, but communicating about why your choices would differ and leaving him to make his, and supporting him anyway. At most I would say something like "I hope she's wonderful. And I hope neither of you gets hurt. If I could choose for you, I'd say it would be best to wait on having a girlfriend until you're 15 or 16, because I know relationships can be really hard and being older and more mature helps. But ... is she nice? ... Oh, good!"

Miranda
 

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I am confused like everyone else. Your son liked this girl and even though they are quite young, he now feels rejected. He needs your support. He needs to know how women can be at their best in a situation where he is hurting, if only for role modeling.
 

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How would I know how he's feeling if he won't talk to me about how he's feeling?

By using skills of empathy you can imagine how he is feeling; like putting yourself in his shoes. Even if he can't talk about it, you can be attuned to what he is probably feeling.
 

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I think it's reasonable to assume that anyone who has just been publicly dumped is hurting at least a little.

Thanking your son's girlfriend for breaking up with him is not appropriate.

Report him to Instagram for being underage.
 

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Thanks. I don't know his password, but I tried to fill out the form to report him as underage to Instagram, but it wouldn't go through and said to try again later.
In our house, my having passwords recorded was the ticket for my kids having electronic devices. You can request his password if he would like the use of his phone. This can be done very sweetly and with empathy. He is showing you that he is misusing the device, by downloading apps that he is not allowed to use. So take charge of that. Request the password, or the phone can be 'stored' until further notice.
 

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Regardless of one's feelings about underage use of social media, I'd like to suggest that deleting his account at this precise moment would be a poor choice in light of the fact that your relationship with him is already poor and has likely been further damaged by his response to your Instagram comment.

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I didn't tell him I was happy. The girl posted on his instagram that she is breaking up with him. DS said "bye". Since DS never told me who she was, I posted "Thank you" to her. Then DS deleted that picture right away, and texted me all mad. I wish he would close his Instagram account. He's too young to have that.
Well I can understand why he deleted the picture - your comment was really insensitive, especially if this was his first girlfriend.
 

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In our house, my having passwords recorded was the ticket for my kids having electronic devices. You can request his password if he would like the use of his phone. This can be done very sweetly and with empathy. He is showing you that he is misusing the device, by downloading apps that he is not allowed to use. So take charge of that. Request the password, or the phone can be 'stored' until further notice.
Since the father has primary custody he may have approved the use of Instagram by his son. I would suggest the OP speak with her ex before trying to have his account deleted.
 

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I agree that now is not the time to delete the account.

But even if the father approved, the child is still underage and can be reported.
 

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I agree that now is not the time to delete the account.

But even if the father approved, the child is still underage and can be reported.
I agree with all of you. I just meant in general, as parents, we can take action when our children, especially younger children, are doing things we don't approve of. For a parent to say 'i wish he didn't have it,' and feel helpless about it seems wrong. Limiting media should be part of a larger discussion with the ex that it seems is not supported by the relationships in this situation right now.
 

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I am glad you had a talk with your DS about the whole thing. To say the truth, I was horrified when I read that you posted Thank You on the break up post of her gf. That is the worst thing any mom could do. You need to be more careful with your actions next time onwards. Such callous behaviour has the potential to permanently ruin the relationship between you and your child.
 

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I finally got to see DS yesterday and talk to him at length. I feel that the relationship is repaired.

We discussed social media use, and we tried to log in and change some settings to hide personal information at least, but DS doesn't even know his own passwords. Only his dad does.
I know that I am late to this thread.
But I am glad you and your DS have started to repair the relationship.
I just wanted to throw out that since you are not your son's primary gaurdian. I believe that is whaty you said. He might be looking for a girlfriend because he is missing a strong female in his life in a daily manner. So, I agree with the other posters who suggested you dig in hard and strengthen your relationship.

Hugs to you both.
 
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