[sbm1001]

I'm at a loss for what to do. I want to strangle this child!!

He's been intentionally peeing on the carpet in his room. I went in their this morning & found a new spot on the floor by his bed. I woke him up, asking why he did it & his response was "I just didn't want to get up".

:

WHAT am I doing wrong??? How do I get through to him this is NOT acceptable behavior? I'm at my wits end with him. He knows better than to do this!!!!

Shannon

 

[sbm1001]

Where do I even begin?? Yes, he has issues & this could very well be stemming from them.

My ds does feel like he has little control over things in his life right now. He wants to be in public school but cannot fit in to their mold. He's currently home schooled & dislikes it but dislikes PS more because of constantly being in trouble for dumb little things that he sees no point in trying to conform with (like talking out of turn & walking in the wrong direction in the hall, etc.). He was diagnosed ADHD when he was 6 & almost every one of the teachers/principals/councelors I've had conferences with about this (& there have been sooo many over the years) have just wanted to have me put him on meds to try to make him sit still, shut up & pay attention.

He needs some counceling to help him learn ways to better fit in with his peers. He has few friends & the ones he has are a lot like him; a wild handfull & very immature.

He has had bedwetting issues in the past but stopped when he was about 7. He's been to a urologist & they found nothing wrong. I don't think it's a physical problem. I think it's a rebellious thing, though I can't understand for the life of me why he thinks peeing on the floor would get him anywhere.

I am looking for a councelor for him for his issues with getting along with peers & learning techniques to help him focus when someone isn't standing/sitting next to him keeping him focused on his school work. He's a good kid, for the most part, but I know he feels like he doesn't fit in which I know impacts his self-image negatively. He likely won't confide in me because I don't think he knows the root of the issue himself. He just knows he's unhappy.

I'll be sure to bring this issue of peeing up to the councelor when we find one. In the mean time it's so hard & frustrating for me. I hadn't stopped to think about what it must be like for him, being so wrapped up in how I felt.

Anyway, thanks for listening & the advice here.

Shannon

 

[sbm1001]

BTW, I did make him get up & clean it up. He's old enough to do that himself, though I did go in later & work on the spot myself. I felt he needed to take some responsibility for the action, other than to admit he did it. He has a lying problem, too, so I was kind of surprised when he admitted he did it & told me why.

ETA: Another thing I thought of is my 4 y.o. ds has been acting out of character lately, too. I'm due to have a baby in the next few weeks or so & just attributed his clingyness to that. I wonder if my 12 y.o. (he's my oldest, if that matters) is feeling some pressure, or insecurities, or whatever, related to bringing another family member into the picture.

Shannon

 

[sbm1001]

UPDATE!:

Okay, so I approached him after posting, hoping he'd tell me what's going on with him. He was embarassed to even talk about it at first because he thought I'd laugh at him.

He said he peed on his floor because he's afraid of the dark. While this may make no sense to some I totally understood what he meant. He sees & hears noises in the dark & at the age of 12 I think he expects that's something that he should've grown out of by now. At first, before I got him to confide in me, his words were "it's a 7 y.o. thing", so I'm pretty sure he was just embarassed/ashamed to still be dealing with this at 12. He said he sees things on the floor & they look like something else like a face or something else frightening & sometimes he thinks he hears footsteps (we've had wierd happenings around here since we moved in a few months ago....another story altogether).

He said sometimes he's afraid to get out of his bed, for fear whatever he's "seeing" will get him. When I was his age I still saw things that weren't really there, half between sleep & consciousness, & often heard my sexually abusive fathers voice whispering my name as I was drifting off to sleep, which would immediately startle me awake. I know my issues were different but they at least help me to understand why being afraid of the dark might cause him to not want to get out of bed. I don't think his issue with the dark is much more than an overactive imagination, which makes me feel better about the whole thing.

I offered to buy him one of those men's urinals if he promised to use it instead of the carpet. I also offered to get him a nightlight & talked to him about being embarassed about being afraid of the dark. I explained people sometimes laugh or make fun of things they don't/can't understand & while that does make them insensitive & sometimes judgemental, he shouldn't feel ashamed.

Shannon

 

[sbm1001]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altair Are you sure the correct DX is ADHD? Some of the issues you described didn't sound so much like ADHD, but maybe something else going on. I'm a special ed teacher, not a psychologist, but the criteria aren't adding up for ADHD so well. If I were in your shoes, I would work on updating the DX and seeing what therapies and work at home might help him. I would treat the "social" issues the same way I would with a 12 year old boy with Asperger's. (If you want examples on how that works, I can explain more.) There is likely a social or sensory need this is fufilling.

Altair, I do need to get him re-evaluated but I have a deep mistrust for a lot of the medical community so I've not done that as of yet. I feel like they just want to medicate him & call it good, which I'm not okay with. I've felt for some time he's dealing with more than just ADHD but was trying to approach it differently than those in the medical field & his teachers & councelors were pushing for. I tried making dietary changes & "treating" him with herbs, but nothing seems to make an real impact.

I would love to hear how a 12 y.o. with Asperger's social issues would be treated. Asperger's isn't something I've looked in to or know too much about. I don't know about the social or sensory need being fulfilled, but I'm willing to consider anything & appreciate the guidance.

Shannon

 

[sbm1001]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms. Mom Shannon, we cross posted, I'm so glad you taked to him when you were both feeling more nutral. Your a great mama and obviously your in sync with your son. Keep up the good communication

Thanks, Ms. Mom.

I feel so much "lighter", having been able to get to the heart of it & come to some understanding. Many parenting issues don't get to that point for a long time, let alone in the same day. I feel blessed.

: That could be just the pg hormones talking, but boy does it feel good right now.

Shannon

 

[sbm1001]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AntoninBeGonin Also, and this is simply my opinion, I think that we should all try to practice gentle living by accepting that anyone who takes the time to post is trying their best based on their life experiences and what they know about gentle living, and that the best responses to those less than stellar remarks should encourage gentleness, understanding, and perhaps a book recommendation rather than hateful comments like "why the hell are you posting on this board and I hope you never have kids because you really suck dog farts." Let's try to be nicer all around. (Myself included! : ) ~Nay

I've been incredibly busy with the holidays these past few days & haven't had a chance to respond at all. When I read this the other night I laughed so hard I think I peed myself a little.

My ds hasn't done it since. I got him one of those new light show night lights & he seems satisfied with that at night for now. I haven't gotten to the medical supply store yet to find the urinal but he seems to be getting up at night to go to the bathroom fine as long as the pathway is lit.

I used to be so afraid of the dark, too. Like I told him, sometimes people cannot understand how that affects a person because they've not experienced it. For the few of you on this thread who seem want to judge him for this act, you don't understand....apparently you can't understand. I'm so glad, for his sake, he's my child & not yours. I don't claim to always handle things the best way, but in this instance I'm pretty shocked at the few harsh suggestions & disappointed that those are coming from someone at MDC. I've left the negative, unhelpful comments where they lie because they are of no use to me.

He doesn't seem to be sleepwalking when he's doing this....I think it's a conscious choice. In his mind, the consiqences of the action are worth it if it means he doesn't have to face whatever is scaring the crap out of him in the dark. I can understand that. I don't like it but I understand. I think it's very important for him to take responsibilty for his actions, which is why he had to clean it up. It's NOT okay to pee on the carpet. I never said it was, nor do I think anyone else thinks his reason for peeing on the carpet make it okay.

I am having him re-evaluated at the nearest public school to see if some of his behaviors are more than your typical child with ADHD. He does have some Asperger's traits & I need to know how to better help him grow up to be a functioning member of society. I'll update when I know more.

Shannon