[Ms. Mom]

Shannon, we cross posted, I'm so glad you taked to him when you were both feeling more nutral. Your a great mama and obviously your in sync with your son. Keep up the good communication

 

[sbm1001]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altair Are you sure the correct DX is ADHD? Some of the issues you described didn't sound so much like ADHD, but maybe something else going on. I'm a special ed teacher, not a psychologist, but the criteria aren't adding up for ADHD so well. If I were in your shoes, I would work on updating the DX and seeing what therapies and work at home might help him. I would treat the "social" issues the same way I would with a 12 year old boy with Asperger's. (If you want examples on how that works, I can explain more.) There is likely a social or sensory need this is fufilling.

Altair, I do need to get him re-evaluated but I have a deep mistrust for a lot of the medical community so I've not done that as of yet. I feel like they just want to medicate him & call it good, which I'm not okay with. I've felt for some time he's dealing with more than just ADHD but was trying to approach it differently than those in the medical field & his teachers & councelors were pushing for. I tried making dietary changes & "treating" him with herbs, but nothing seems to make an real impact.

I would love to hear how a 12 y.o. with Asperger's social issues would be treated. Asperger's isn't something I've looked in to or know too much about. I don't know about the social or sensory need being fulfilled, but I'm willing to consider anything & appreciate the guidance.

Shannon

 

[sbm1001]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ms. Mom Shannon, we cross posted, I'm so glad you taked to him when you were both feeling more nutral. Your a great mama and obviously your in sync with your son. Keep up the good communication

Thanks, Ms. Mom.

I feel so much "lighter", having been able to get to the heart of it & come to some understanding. Many parenting issues don't get to that point for a long time, let alone in the same day. I feel blessed.

: That could be just the pg hormones talking, but boy does it feel good right now.

Shannon

 

[mama_bee]

i'm so glad he was able to confide in you and tell you the reason. thank goodness you didn't press the issue or punish him in a way that would humiliate him. i'm sure he feels much better knowing that you aren't judgemental or upset, you just care.

 

[Mama Dragon]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbm1001 UPDATE!: Okay, so I approached him after posting, hoping he'd tell me what's going on with him. He was embarassed to even talk about it at first because he thought I'd laugh at him. He said he peed on his floor because he's afraid of the dark. While this may make no sense to some I totally understood what he meant. He sees & hears noises in the dark & at the age of 12 I think he expects that's something that he should've grown out of by now. At first, before I got him to confide in me, his words were "it's a 7 y.o. thing", so I'm pretty sure he was just embarassed/ashamed to still be dealing with this at 12. He said he sees things on the floor & they look like something else like a face or something else frightening & sometimes he thinks he hears footsteps (we've had wierd happenings around here since we moved in a few months ago....another story altogether). He said sometimes he's afraid to get out of his bed, for fear whatever he's "seeing" will get him. When I was his age I still saw things that weren't really there, half between sleep & consciousness, & often heard my sexually abusive fathers voice whispering my name as I was drifting off to sleep, which would immediately startle me awake. I know my issues were different but they at least help me to understand why being afraid of the dark might cause him to not want to get out of bed. I don't think his issue with the dark is much more than an overactive imagination, which makes me feel better about the whole thing. I offered to buy him one of those men's urinals if he promised to use it instead of the carpet. I also offered to get him a nightlight & talked to him about being embarassed about being afraid of the dark. I explained people sometimes laugh or make fun of things they don't/can't understand & while that does make them insensitive & sometimes judgemental, he shouldn't feel ashamed. Shannon

You rock

Glad to hear that update!

 

[mamajama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbm1001 Thanks, Ms. Mom. I feel so much "lighter", having been able to get to the heart of it & come to some understanding. Many parenting issues don't get to that point for a long time, let alone in the same day. I feel blessed. : That could be just the pg hormones talking, but boy does it feel good right now. Shannon

you rock.

 

[BelovedK]

I'm so glad you got that resolved. I feel for him, I used to be afraid at night and hear things and be afraid to get up. I think it is great that he was able to tell you about his fears. Keep up the good communication

 

[Brilliantmama]

First off, good job pursuing the conversation, and getting to the real issues at heart. I think the urinal (just in case) and nightlights are a terrific solution.

Also, as a social worker, I would recommend that in looking for a new counselor, be really upfront and say what you are looking for, e.g. behavioral techniques to help with Asperger's traits, no medication referrals, etc. There are a lot of behavioral "tricks" that Asperger's kids can be taught to help with social problems. (e.g. mirroring: shaping one's energy level/attitude/behavior after designated peer role models.) I have a friend (25 yrs old) who "learned" how to read body language and such and does great.

FWIW: It sounds like he is doing well to have you for a mama. Keep up the loving attention and conversations.

HTH

 

[Flor]

I just wanted to add that I was deathly afraid of the dark until I was in college, really. I don't have any other "issues" or disorders or anything. Just a wild imagination, less than perfect vision, and too many scary movies. I was feelin' for him.

 

[Primigravida]

If this was my child, I'll be concerned that he had a bladder problem because I did (well, still do but I don't consumer sugary beverages so I don't have them anymore).

I kept a large pickle jar under my bed for years.

Now if it turns out that he's just lazy

: , I'll make him clean that mess up and put a pickle jar under his bed.

 

[Greensleeves]

You did a phenomenal job talking to him about it.

I think sometimes people forget how young 12 still is. Children's brains are still so immature at that age. I remember being scared of the dark at that age too. Frankly, I still get freaked out at night by noises.

Glad you didn't take some of the more dubious advice on this thread, wowee.

 

[PikkuMyy]

Another special ed teacher here chiming in to have him reevaluated by the school - rather than doctors. And the suggestion to ask for behavioral techniques/counseling as opposed to meds is a very valid one. I work with kids on the Autism spectrum, and although a few of them are on meds, I use behavioral techniques very successfully with all of them.

 

[Yoshua]

Just wanted to say thank you.

I have been watching this thread wondering how you would find a solution to finding the problem/resolving the situation.

I was completely dumbfounded, and even though alot of people gave great advice I wanted to know how the story would pan out.

I am happy that you 2 talked it out and sorted it out, and it will help me if I ever run into anything like this in the future. Jake is a few years away from pre-teen but you can never study up too early.

Thanks again, you did an awesome job, and thanks for filling us in on the results.

 

[TiredX2]

Thanks for sharing this with us.

My oldest is 7 so it really helps me to read about what is coming up.

I was still scared of the dark well into my teens (okay, since DP has witnessed it, I'm lying about that teens thing

. I think it is more common than your son thinks.

You did great

:

 

[Bartock]

Well I use to pee on my carpet at 16

: I was in a foster home and had major probs from my step dad, I say get him in concelling or something, there has to be some kinda underlying problem.

 

[GooeyRN]

I am glad you found out the real reason. A nightlight and a urinal kept at his bedside should help the carpets out! Thankfully it isn't a psychological or medical problem.

 

[nextcommercial]

I didn't read any threads... so I may be repeating something.

My brother was a sleepwalker. He would pee in The weirdest places. My hamper was one of his favorites. He would pee in the closet, on the basement stairs.. etc.

Maybe he is sleepwalking?

If this is not sleepwalking, then you have my blessing to go ahead and strangle him. Or make him start sleeping in the bathtub.

 

[lindberg99]

This probably isn't the case but I read this to my DH (who was diagnosed with Type I diabetes when he was 12). He said before he found out about the diabetes, he had to pee all the time and sometimes had a hard time getting to the bathroom in time. Just something else to think about, esp. if you see him using the bathroom a lot during the day. DH said he had to go after every class at school.

 

[cottonwood]

I am just flabbergasted that anyone would think that a 12-year-old would pee on the carpet for no reason other than "laziness". That's incredibly naive and simplistic. You've got a lot to learn about human nature, and I feel sorry for your child if you don't figure it out pretty soon.

To the OP, I am glad to hear the update. It's a testament to your relationship with your son that he felt safe opening up to you about something that no doubt feels shameful to him.

About being afraid of the dark -- up until I was an adult every time I climbed the stairs from my parents basement I had the creepy feeling that something was behind me. I knew it was irrational, but I couldn't stop myself from feeling that way. (It was based in a childhood incident, I believe.) I saw weird things in the dark too, and had night terrors until I was an adult. Developmentally, some things take longer than others for us to grow out of. Irrational fears aren't only the stuff of childhood. And after all, your son isn't exactly an adult yet, right?

to you and son.

 

[dharmamama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sbm1001 He said he peed on his floor because he's afraid of the dark.

I wet my bed for a few months when I was 7 because I was afraid that if I got out of bed, the thing under the bed would reach out and grab me by the ankles and pull me under.

My parents were concerned at first and then angry. Finally they thought to ask me why I was doing it and I told them. The let me sleep with my light on, the hall the light on, and the bathroom light on. They also said I could call them and they would take me to the bathroom. I slept with the lights on for a while and then I didn't need them anymore.

Namaste!