I would just say that your daughter is really struggling and needs your support and love ( before it's too late). This is such a hard thing to do: talking to other people about their own kids. Hope you get some great answers here.
Could you say something like "X was talking to us about the situation with her brother and she seems really upset about it. I know that relationships between sibs can be really difficult to balance, so if you want a sounding board I'd be more than happy to share some of the difficulties we've had and how we worked through them."<br><br>
I'm assuming, of course, from your post that you have at least 2 daughters, right?! That way it gives the mom a heads up, lets her know that you assume she's already dealing with the situation and gives her the opportunity to ask you for advice if she wants. KWIM?
i would want to talk to the child again before approaching the mother, for three reasons.<br><br>
first, to make sure she knows she was heard and she can talk to me about it again if she needs to. you probably did a great job listening, but i know that when i open up to someone about whatever i'm going through at that moment, especially if i "lose control" (like the way that she was crying) i will beat myself up about it afterward and worry about what the person was thinking about me.<br><br>
second, i'd say i was worried about her and wanted to talk with her mom about what she's been going through, and ask if that would be okay. if she didn't seem comfortable with me talking to her mom about it, then i'd ask if she wanted me to help her have a calm, sit-down conversation with her mom, the three of us. if she is very opposed to me talking to her mother in any way, i would respect that (for the moment) but encourage her to be open with me or someone else safe.<br><br>
third, i'd tell her that it's adults' job to protect kids, but sometimes they don't know how, or don't realize that kids are being hurt in some way that the adult isn't seeing. i'd ask if there was anything else she wanted to tell me, and whether she has told her parents everything that has been happening. i'd tell her she doesn't have to tell me anything, but if she is being hurt (even just emotionally), some adult in her life should know, ideally, everything.<br><br>
imo, this isn't normal sibling stuff. i have a brother 2.5 years older, and he was a real jerk to me growing up, and it was hurtful, but i did ultimately know he loved me. i wasn't crying about it (except for maybe within a specific incident of being left out, or something - but not crying about his meanness in general). i just think that either he is being particularly cruel to her, or something else is going on with her that is causing her to be so sensitive to it.
I had an abusive brother but having three kids............how old is this girl? How old is this boy? What is he doing or not doing? Do you have more than one child?<br><br><br>
Is she antagonizing anything? --I know this sounds horrible but my oldest daughter called me crying stating her brother bloodied her nose. She he did. But that was because he laid down on the couch to but eye drops in (then rest for a few before getting up) she sat on his face. Since he couldn't breath and maybe panicked he tossed her off. It was undetermined if he actually bloody her nose of the table she hit. When asked why she sat on him she answered because she thought it would be fun. We have a few other good stories from this child. I love her but as much as she wines about her brother or sister being mean she instigates a lot of situations or is bothered by things we cannot see (other adults see this).<br><br>
I would spend more time listening and watching her before saying or doing anything. There can be a huge other situation like mine, were Family services needs to be involved. Or this can be a situation of normal sibling rivalry. Or it could be a situation were this child needs most an adult that listens and cares. If you go running and talking to the mom to fast you can break and connection a child desperately needs.