[AuntG]

...

Eh, nevermind.

I realize there are going to be some things I can't control and some things I can.

I think what's bothering me about my 15 year old smoking is that he is getting older and becoming his own person and that makes me feel old!

 

[Cherie2]

here with you

 

[GenB]

I posted a thread about 2 years ago when I realized my then 18 year old was smoking. You're right. You can't control it but it made me absolutely nuts. She didn't smoke in front of me or at home but she smelled like an old ashtray full of cig butts. The nasty boy she dated at the time simply reeked. I got to a point where I didn't want them in the house because the odor wouldd linger. I also think it is one of the worst things a person can do to their body - i work for a hospice organization and see what happens to thse people who have smoked for years. She has no intention of quitting.

I've done everything I can think of to get her to quit. She basically ignores me or just says yeah mom, ok. I have to tell you it really makes me insane. There are so many things wrong with it. She smokes these Camel cigs that are flavored. it makes it harder to quit. She's 20 now and has 2 years under her belt. She's always had asthma and now has this rattly thing going when she laughs - its horrible.

Another thing that bothered me (and when I posted this I got some feedback chastising me for this but I'm sorry - its how I feel.) Alot of the nicer kids in town (kids I'd really want her to hang with because they are focused, they run or play tennis, are doing well in school. have plans for their lives, etc. etc. ) avoid her. Her friends all smoke and now they all drink alot, are addicted to tanning beds and generally like to run the bars. Its a rougher crowd. I just hate it. HATE IT!

I so so so feel your pain. Cigarettes should be outlawed (or taxed to the hilt!)

 

[frontierpsych]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GenB I so so so feel your pain. Cigarettes should be outlawed (or taxed to the hilt!)

They are here, about $7-8 a pack.

 

[GenB]

See -THATS what I'm talking about. I say knock'em out of the ball park with taxes and raise the age to purchase to 21. There is absolutely nothing good that comes from a cigarette. At all.

 

[MusicianDad]

Quote:

Originally Posted by GenB See -THATS what I'm talking about. I say knock'em out of the ball park with taxes and raise the age to purchase to 21. There is absolutely nothing good that comes from a cigarette. At all.

I can assure you that won't help any. Cigarettes are taxed horribly here, the age is 19 and I have never had any trouble getting cigarettes even when I was underage.

We also have a problem with under the table cigarettes that are even more unhealthy then the legal ones because they contain things not found in legal cigarettes, like rat droppings.

 

[darcytrue]

Quote:

Originally Posted by AuntG I think what's bothering me about my 15 year old smoking is that he is getting older and becoming his own person and that makes me feel old!

becoming his own person doesn't mean that smoking cigarettes has to be allowed by you as his parent.

I'm surprised that more people haven't posted. Perhaps I'm the only brave one.

But I disagree that a 15 yr old child should be able to choose to do whatever he wants while underage and still living in my home. If he were at least 18 then I'd say he has every right to choose to try something if he wants, but I'd still educate him on it and hope that he would make a healthier decision. I could care less how many $$ the habit costs, it's my child's long-term life span I'd be worried about.

And I'm not naive, I realize you can't control any child and that they can go behind your back and do whatever they want (usually due to peer pressure) but there's nothing wrong with letting our children know we disapprove of something and educating them against a potentially dangerous habit.

If I sound harsh I'm sorry but we are currently watching my FIL go through lung cancer. He smoked up until the day he was admitted in the hospital with pneumonia and they told him he had lung cancer 5 years ago. His quality of life has pretty much sucked. He regrets starting to smoke as a teenager. Perhaps if an adult talked to him when he first started and he had the right role models he may have made different choices, but who knows.

 

[nolonger]

:

It's my 20 year old so I really can't do anything except not let her smoke in the house and remember how hard it was for me to quit and everything my own mother did that didn't help.

She stinks. I'm sorry, but she stinks. She's a dancer. I can't believe she's doing this to herself. But she is.

Soooo.....the only thing that worked for me was cold turkey. I tried cutting back, I tried nicorette gum, i tried everything. It was miserable.i was unreasonably emotional. I got on http://www.quitnet.com at all hours of the night to whine and compare symptoms (did you know that detoxing from nicotine gives you the most horrendous case of the farts? I didn't.) and when I found cigarettes i forgot to throw away, i couldn't go near them and had to ask my then-thirteen-year-old son to tear them up, soak the debris, take it to the outdoor garbage can, and cover it with used kitty litter.

But i got through it. So will our kids. I wish they didn't have to, but we need to support them when they do and not alienate them so they won't be afraid to ask for our help when they need it.

I'm glad cigarettes aren't illegal because I don't want dd to go to jail. It doesn't matter what they cost because she's unemployed, doesn't have any money,and I don't have a clue where she's getting them. We have cancer in our family too and she's seen people she love get sick and die.

This sucks. It just plain sucks. It doesn't make me feel old,though,because i feel a good 20 years younger than i did when i was a smoker and my five year quittiversary is coming up in September.

Our kids will have quittiversaries to celebrate too someday. All i can do is keep on believing that.

 

[MayBaby2007]

Your kid is under age 18. I say, do everything in your power to keep those cigs away from him!

My mom smoked. I stole hers and started smoking when I was 11 yrs old (5th grade, whatever age that was). She didn't find out for a couple of years. She used to beat my a$$ when she caught me. Over and over again. But as long as I could get them (from her, not hard!), I smoked. 7th grade, mom gave up and started buying cigs for me so I wouldn't steal hers.

I'm almost 27 and I've been smoking 1+ packs/day for all these years. I have chest pain, shortness of breath and heart palpatations. I've seriously tried quitting more times than I can count....but it's soooooo hard after so many years. Looking back, I really wish my mom would have stood strong and not allowed a child to smoke (or kept cigs w/in my reach to steal). It's not her fault that I smoke....but she enabled the habit.

I want to quit soon. Very soon (may check out that site someone posted!). I want to quit before it has an influence on my dd. I will lock her in our cellar before I allow her to pick up this horrible horrible habit. I'd do anything possibe to keep her off of these things....including quitting to set a good example.

Find your son's source for getting cigs and cut him off--do anything you can to help him. He will thank you some day.

GL mama

 

[MusicianDad]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MayBaby2007 Your kid is under age 18. I say, do everything in your power to keep those cigs away from him! My mom smoked. I stole hers and started smoking when I was 11 yrs old (5th grade, whatever age that was). She didn't find out for a couple of years. She used to beat my a$$ when she caught me. Over and over again. But as long as I could get them (from her, not hard!), I smoked. 7th grade, mom gave up and started buying cigs for me so I wouldn't steal hers. I'm almost 27 and I've been smoking 1+ packs/day for all these years. I have chest pain, shortness of breath and heart palpatations. I've seriously tried quitting more times than I can count....but it's soooooo hard after so many years. Looking back, I really wish my mom would have stood strong and not allowed a child to smoke (or kept cigs w/in my reach to steal). It's not her fault that I smoke....but she enabled the habit. I want to quit soon. Very soon (may check out that site someone posted!). I want to quit before it has an influence on my dd. I will lock her in our cellar before I allow her to pick up this horrible horrible habit. I'd do anything possibe to keep her off of these things....including quitting to set a good example. Find your son's source for getting cigs and cut him off--do anything you can to help him. He will thank you some day. GL mama

Uh yeah, I can attest to the fact that trying to keep ones teen away from cigarettes won't stop them from smoking...

 

[Storm Bride]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicianDad I can assure you that won't help any. Cigarettes are taxed horribly here, the age is 19 and I have never had any trouble getting cigarettes even when I was underage.

I never did, either. Admittedly, they were much cheaper back then (I quit permanently when I was...21?...so about '87), but I had no source of income. I still found ways to buy them.

My sister has been smoking for about 30 years. She can't/won't quit, and she spend a huge amount of her family's money on cigarettes. All the taxes aren't doing anything to cut back her smoking at all.

I wish I knew the answers, but I don't.

 

[MusicianDad]

Do "never mind" threads usually get so many responces... Just curious.

 

[nolonger]

Nah, just an emotionally charged issue and the OP probably had the courage to post something the rest of us were afraid of being flamed for.

fwiw, I started at 13 and quit at 40. I got mine from vending machines as a young teen even though it cost seventy five cents a pack and I could have gotten them from the store for sixty cents.

Apologies for freaking out so much about an adult child but I'm sure the OP felt all that and worse about her fifteen year old.

 

[Shann]

My two boys are 13 and 14 and they both smoke. I learned early on that all attempts to stop them were failing. Some things you just have to let go on. This is what I did. So, yes, they smoke, and I gave up the constant battle. They won, I lost.

 

[Thisbirdwillfly]

Shann, How do a 13 & 14 year old afford cigs?

More generally, raising prices does lead to lower rates of both continued and starting smoking in the general population. That it has not worked on an individual does not negate that.

 

[MusicianDad]

13 and 14 years olds have a vast number of ways of getting money from allowances, to doing odd jobs for neighbours, to getting a paper route, to getting a part time job, I've known a few to even dress in rags and beg on the street when they weren't allowed to do any of the above.

 

[aterita]

Are you concerned about his smoking or whether "his smoking feels you old". Every one in this world have some things in control and some out of control. But yet as a parent, you need to intervene into the smoking problem of your son. He is young, and also you don't want him to be addicted to smoking or other similar bad habits. You as a parent have much control over this problem and you can set limits and rules. Home based intervention will help a lot in changing behaviors of struggling youth. Such programs like The Home Intervention System will help you deal with a wide range of problems that children often encounter including; anger, substance abuse, school issues, self-esteem, arguing, motivation, interacting with family, and more. So as a parent you have to act & be strong.
Best Wishes...

 

[candiecotton]

ok heres what you do get 2 plastic milk jugs that you can see through & fill them 1/2 full with water . then have him place all his butts in one of them & after about a week or 2 when its full . ask him to sit down with you & have an adult conversation.
then haul out both jugs & tell him they are a representation of his lungs.
show him the nice clean one filled with nothing but water & tell him thats how his lungs are . then give him the one filled with butts & open it too so he gets a smell of it. & tell him thats what his lungs are like .

& if the gross factor doesnt work cust off the allowance & tell him if he wants to smoke he will work to earn the money

 

[mommy68]

Quote:

Originally Posted by noordinaryspider Our kids will have quittiversaries to celebrate too someday. All i can do is keep on believing that.

Some don't though.

Some get cancer, emphysema (sp?) and other breathing problems when they get older and still smoke. It's sad to see but I see it all the time, people dragging oxygen tanks around with them and smoking at the same time. And even though two people in my DH's family have battled lung cancer, every single one of his nieces/nephews smoke.

I think education would help if they would do it more in the schools. They have no problem worrying about sex ed, but should really focus a lot on not only drug abuse but tobacco use as well. And they may have classes on tobacco use but I don't know what goes on in the schools these days. I do know that kids usually don't want to listen to their parents because that's the last person in the world they want to believe is trying to get them to do something for their own best interest.

 

[churndash]

I have a 15 year old and there is just no way I would throw up my hands and say "oh well" if she decided to take up smoking.

First and foremost, she'd never be allowed to smoke in my home - if she really, truly wants to kill herself with cigarettes I can't stop her but she's for damn sure not going to kill me and her brother and sister too.

Fortunately - for my kids at least - they have watched my mother and her horrible struggle with emphysema, her strokes, her heart attacks, and they agree that smoking is a disgusting, filthy, hideous habit that they do not want to come anywhere near.

Smoking is not just "bad" - it's DEADLY!

I did not spend all those years nursing her, choosing the healthiest foods, keeping her safe in a carseat, nurturing her mind and body...only to stand by while she kills herself with cigarettes.

Nope, no way. If I had to lock her in her room for a month before I talked sense into her I'd do it.

I am watching my mother DIE from smoking. There is no way on earth I would let a child of mine get on that road. And 15 is still plenty child enough where I have some control.

Sorry, I'm just really passionate about this. I hate,hate, hate cigarettes. I hate watching my mom die because of her smoking.