Mothering Forum banner

1 - 4 of 4 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
193 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
<p>My ds is a great little guy, and is generally easy to parent.  Lately we have been spending a lot more time with my SIL and her 3 kids.  Her youngest is the same age as my son.  Ds is walking and talking and very interactive and my little niece isn't yet- she's still very much a baby.  Anyhow, ds has started yanking on her hair and hitting her.  He is not doing it in an aggressive way, I know he doesn't know that hairpulling hurts.  And his hits are more like excited pats but my SIL's household is a big spanking household and her daughter gets spankings (even though she is only 15mo) so she just melts down everytime he pats her.  He is a strong little guy, and maybe it does really hurt.  I'm not trying to justify what my son is doing, but just trying to give some background.  He is pretty good with the older girls, though he does pull their hair sometimes.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So my question is : what do I do?  He just recently learned the sign for 'hurt' so I am trying to incorporate that.  I am also trying to very closely supervise their interactions so I can stop him before he yanks her hair or starts hitting.  Should I try to redirect him to something he can pull/hit?  Do I say "No!" firmly?  I know that he doesn't have the impulse control to just obey me instantaneously.  I guess I am just trying to lay a good foundation.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Any advice/ideas/BTDT would be greatly appreciated!  My SIL says she would just spank him, but that is not an option for me.  Spanking obviously doesn't work anyway because her 4yo and 3yo hit each other constantly when they are angry.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
137 Posts
<p>My dd is also 15 mo and doing a lot of the same thing, along with some biting for us, but not other kids, thank goodness. I usually grab her away and say "no" firmly and, if it's not the first time she's done it in a short period of time, I make her come sit with me for a little bit (like, less than a minute). It does seem to be reducing the number of incidences, although she still does do it some. I also think it's important for other parents to see that we do take it seriously when our kids hurt their kids. I'm also totally against hitting, but a firm "no" and some time to sit with me aren't going to hurt. One thing I read recently but haven't implemented yet is to leave the room if it's getting out of control so that your child has a chance to reconnect with mom and calm down some. I definitely plan to try that in the future.</p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,706 Posts
<p>I have 3 girls - 6, 5, and 4 and we have been taking care of a 15 mo. old this week (it's a long story!) who is doing a lot of the same.  I know her mother spanks her and screams at her all the time.  To the point of complete abuse!!!  She has never had her needs met, had a propped bottle about 98% of her life, and screams her head off over very simple needs (can't say I blame her giving her situation!).  Anyway, what we did/do is talk about "gentle hands" or "peaceful hands" and I do the sign for "gentle" like this:  <a href="http://www.kids-games-for-playing.com/basic-baby-sign-language-5.html" target="_blank">http://www.kids-games-for-playing.com/basic-baby-sign-language-5.html</a></p>
<p> </p>
<p>It worked like a charm on all 3 of my kids and with the 15 mo. old we currently have, she picked up on it immediately!!  She was trying to slap the cats and dog and only after a couple of days she totally gets it and is using very peaceful hands. :)  We do a lot of calm talking and explaining everything step by step.  </p>
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
159 Posts
<p>It sounds like your little guy wants to interact with her but doesn't know how to do it in a way that will be well-received!  I've worked with quite a few kids this age with this issue in my daycare.  I don't think it's a discipline issue because they really don't know that it hurts and what that means.  So you can teach him how he CAN touch his little cousin (and others).  I usually do this by taking their hands and saying, "gentle touch," while stroking their hand down the other person's arm.  Do this many, many times per day, especially whenever you see him about to touch too roughly.  Take his hand in yours and do the gentle touch with him.  Practice your 'gentle touches' with him on you, on daddy, the dog, and everyone else, so that he can become an expert at it.  Soon he'll start doing it on his own and looking over at you to see if you notice.  Next you'll be able to see him going in for an enthusiastic pat and say "gentle touch!" and he'll switch his style.  If she's super sensitive (or he grabs hair before you can stop it) she may still dissolve into tears.  Comfort her first, and when she's done crying, help your son touch her with his gentle touch, while you or her mom is holding her on your lap.  He'll get the hang of it!</p>
 
1 - 4 of 4 Posts
Top