[silchas]

My 15 yo daughter asked us if she could be a nudist. We should have seen this coming. I'll try to give a little history, and keep it brief.

First she has two younger brothers. 8 and 12.

The summer before this last one. She was 13 almost 14, she wanted to swim in the pool without her swimsuit. We told her that would be okay as long as only our family was around. She would just wear a towel, go out swim, and play by the pool. I also noticed she started sleeping naked, and hanging out in her room naked.

This summer past, the first day we opened the pool, she came down stairs, and strolled through the house naked. She would even come inside for lunch naked, and I always have to ask her to cover up. Then she would just put on a long tee shirt.

The pool is closed for the winter. She's been very casual about being naked. She come downstairs every morning for breakfast without any clothes on. After school she does homework in her room...of course sans clothes. She makes no effort to cover up if she goes to the rest room, or come downstairs for a drink.

We had a talk to her about it the other night. She said she wants to be a nudist. She asked if we would allow her be nude at home, all the time.

My husband and I have been talking it over. He says we should let her, if it doesn't bother her, it doesn't bother him.
I'm about to give in, but there will be no turning back. I guess I'm just a bit uptight.

So, I though I would post this question here, and see what other parent thought. Without have to bring it up to our friends and family. Thanks so much.

Jess.

 

[OrmEmbar]

That is a hard question! I think it would depend on a lot of things, including:

Why does she want to be nude at home?
Why now and not when she was younger?
How do her brothers feel about it?

Can there be a family agreement, since this would be outside of the norm for your surrounding community?

Does she have an understanding that her body is her own and beautiful just the way it is AND she lives in a society that is very judgmental and objectifies women?

Idea: you might get some more thoughtful answers by posting in Talk Amongst Ourselves or Personal Growth. Share the above, but also write why you are uncomfortable and undecided. Exploring your thoughts and feelings about thisight help you help your daughter expire her own needs and how they mesh with the needs of the family.

 

[kate22_22]

That is a hard question! I think it would depend on a lot of things, including:

Why does she want to be nude at home?
Why now and not when she was younger?
How do her brothers feel about it?

Can there be a family agreement, since this would be outside of the norm for your surrounding community?

Does she have an understanding that her body is her own and beautiful just the way it is AND she lives in a society that is very judgmental and objectifies women?

Idea: you might get some more thoughtful answers by posting in Talk Amongst Ourselves or Personal Growth. Share the above, but also write why you are uncomfortable and undecided. Exploring your thoughts and feelings about thisight help you help your daughter expire her own needs and how they mesh with the needs of the family.

I just think this is silly. U got boys at home. Think about them too

 

[heyxxmcfly]

I just think this is silly. U got boys at home. Think about them too

Boys should be taught that women aren't sexual objects. That's like saying "you have boys at home so dont breast feed because breasts are well... boobs."

 

[kblackstone444]

Boys should be taught that women aren't sexual objects. That's like saying "you have boys at home so dont breast feed because breasts are well... boobs."

Boys should be taught that women aren't sexual objects, yes, but the daughter should also be taught that there's a time and place for everything and not everybody will be comfortable with somebody's nudity, nor is it, in many places and situations, socially acceptable to be in the nude. One person's comfort level (being nude) shouldn't trump another person's comfort level (not knowing where to look when a nude person's all in their face). Perhaps she can be in her room nude, but cover up out of respect for certain family members feelings when she comes out of her room? And what about company, or if you need to call a repairman to the house, or if the younger brothers want to invite friends over? Not only could that be uncomfortable, or even dangerous, but some people might even press charges if a teenage girl is walking around "showing" her body parts to young boys.

I do agree, that it somewhat weird for her Dad to be all for his teenage daughter walking around naked. I'd be very careful on that one, for CPS reasons.

 

[Cathlyn]

Hmm I would talk to her why she wants to be nude.
I wouldn't be that concerned about your husband who is ok with her being nude. He just wants to give her the freedom of choice I think.

 

[contactmaya]

Its natural to be nude. I dont see what the cps has to do with it. I think for reasons of hygiene, she should wear underwear, or some sort of towel for when she sits down. This is what i do, i am also mostly half naked at home.

As for her brothers, all the better for them that they learn to be comfortable around the natural human female body.

Growing up, we had a babysitter, that for some reason never wore a shirt. At first i felt embarrassed, but quickly got used to it, until i didnt notice it.

Once she opened the door to a neighbor, forgetting to cover herself, it was funny to see the shocked expression of the neighbor. Our babysitter quickly grabbed a tea towel and covered herself up, with an apologetic laugh.


I dont think that being comfortable around naked people is a sign that you are a pervert or sexually abusing your daughter (as far as your husband is concerned).

I dont think you are uptight for feeling a bit uncomfortable at first. I think you will get used to it with time.

I dont see why she cant be naked in her own home. Let her be comfortable in her own body, ....and please people, stop bringing the cps into it....

 

[contactmaya]

I just think this is silly. U got boys at home. Think about them too

Is it silly because of the boys at home? The boys were mentioned as a consideration in the post.

Is it silly because it requires a bit of thought, and sensitivity, maybe some exploration and experimentation of something different? Something you have never heard of, something outside of the realm of complete mediocrity?

 

[rightkindofme]

I have grown up in nudist environments. I wouldn't care or have a problem with it. If my boys didn't want to look at their sister naked I would say the exact same words I say to men who "don't want to see breastfeeding". I say, "Then don't look. It isn't being done for your benefit anyway."

 

[sillysapling]

The only reason there'd be a problem is if the two brothers have a problem- and then I'd talk to them and try to work something out. They shouldn't find human bodies shameful, and they shouldn't see their own sister's body as a sex object (or any girl's for that matter). If no other compromise is acceptable, there's no reason she couldn't be in her underwear- no different than walking around in a bathing suit.

There's a huge difference between walking down the street naked (which is, I believe, illegal and I wouldn't allow kids to do) and being in your own house naked. That's her home, she should be comfortable there. There are a lot of things we do in our homes that we wouldn't do in public.
There are some concerns about privacy- people possibly being able to see her through the window. But if you're okay with her being naked in your backyard, then that may not be an issue and it's solved by closing the blinds.

 

[Shann]

I don't understand why this is a problem. This has been a common practice around my household for years, and we have 2 boys and a girl as well. LET HER GO NAKED IF SHE WISHES!

 

[cynthia mosher]

One post removed for name calling. Another for criticizing level of English competency. Please share opinions respectfully without attacking.

 

[homeschoolingmama]

I would be uncomfortable with it and that is ok. Everyone has different comfort levels in their home. I think everyone in the house should be ok with it before it happens. That shows respect for others.
I think CPS should be considered in this discussion. Not because they should be called but because they Could be called. There are a lot of outside people who wouldn't think this is ok and call CPS. There is that reality.
I think it is a personal choice that only that family can make. The big thing is respect for others. Personally, I think it wise if you asked her to wear clothing when people came over to protect yourselves and for respect to the person coming over.

 

[contactmaya]

I would be uncomfortable with it and that is ok. Everyone has different comfort levels in their home. I think everyone in the house should be ok with it before it happens. That shows respect for others.
I think CPS should be considered in this discussion. Not because they should be called but because they Could be called. There are a lot of outside people who wouldn't think this is ok and call CPS. There is that reality.
I think it is a personal choice that only that family can make. The big thing is respect for others. Personally, I think it wise if you asked her to wear clothing when people came over to protect yourselves and for respect to the person coming over.

I agree that you should be clothed when answering the door.
I dont think the cps should enter the equation. Do you mean the daughter should refrain from telling her friends she is a nudist in her home for fear they will call the cps?
Just dont answer the door to the cps. This is supposed to be a democracy, not a police state.

 

[homeschoolingmama]

I think it should be thought about. Yes, they could be called on. They may say that it is abuse to have a 15 year old girl walking around naked in front of her impressionable brothers. They could turn it sexual in their minds with the daughter and the father. It doesn't make it right but it does make it a reality. I don't think this should make her decision but I do think it should be considered.
Maybe things are different in the states than Canada. CAS can get involved for eating habits, homeschooling, poor dental hygiene... It isn't common but it does happen. There is that possibility.

 

[sillysapling]

I would be uncomfortable with it and that is ok. Everyone has different comfort levels in their home. I think everyone in the house should be ok with it before it happens. That shows respect for others.

I agree the other kids should be comfortable with it, but part of parenting is putting your kid's wellbeing before your own comfort. There's nothing wrong with nudity. Being able to be comfortable in your own skin and not feeling your body is shameful and something to be hidden even in the privacy of your home is valuable. Obviously no one should be forced to be naked, but there are benefits to allowing her to be nude and risks of forcing her not to be. Child wellbeing trumps parental comfort.

 

[contactmaya]

I think it should be thought about. Yes, they could be called on. They may say that it is abuse to have a 15 year old girl walking around naked in front of her impressionable brothers. They could turn it sexual in their minds with the daughter and the father. It doesn't make it right but it does make it a reality. I don't think this should make her decision but I do think it should be considered.
Maybe things are different in the states than Canada. CAS can get involved for eating habits, homeschooling, poor dental hygiene... It isn't common but it does happen. There is that possibility.

I understand what you are saying. But when you say 'thought about', how do those thoughts translate into action? Do they tell their daughter-dont tell anyone.... do they make it sound like she needs to keep it a secret?

I think if that is the case, then someone needs to step in, and say, no, a child choosing to be nude does not equate to abuse, and its none of the business of the cps or anyone else.

Just dont open the door to the cps if you have a nosy somebody calling for no good reason. Any person could call for any reason.

And being nude is the natural state of things, for this reason, i believe, like other posters that the 15yo is making a reasonable, albiet unusual by our cultural standards, request.

 

[homeschoolingmama]

Actually I believe that everyone's comfort in the home should be considered. Don't really have much else to say. We just disagree.

 

[moominmamma]

Child wellbeing trumps parental comfort.

Not commenting specifically on the nudity issue, just more generally. I agree with you if we're talking about a baby or a toddler. I think, however, that as kids move towards adulthood -- and it's a gradual spectrum that varies with the maturity of the child -- there's less of a clear case for their comfort trumping that of the adults in the home. I think that one of the main jobs of parents is to teach their kids that other people's feelings matter too. Not by trumping their kids back: I don't think anyone trumping anyone is really the model for interpersonal conflict. Empathy and mature relationships take root when people choose to work out compromises and mutually agreeable alternatives, to participate in a bit of given and take, to seek to understand and take the perspective of others. It's not a question of whose needs take precedence but of having an honest think about whose behaviours are intruding most upon the feelings and desires of others, what is most necessary and most desired by whom and why, where the flexibility is and where more might be gained, the feelings fuelling the desires and so on.

Miranda

 

[lauren]

Has anyone else noticed that the person who started the thread has not been back?