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671 Views 8 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  VBMama
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Wow, I have a lot of the same issues with my mom. She nursed us but now is trying to indirectly tell me that I should stop nursing now that my baby is over a year.

I'm sorry that the direct approach doesn't work. Probably if I were more honest with myself I would acknowledge that the direct approach doesn't work with my mom, either. Nor does the indirect approach. My mother is a steam locomotive.

I think the only thing you can do is not care. I mean, you should still care about and love your mom. But you have to decide that as long as she is a loving grandmother, you don't care what she thinks about how many children you have, what you feed them, etc. Obviously, when you were born, the umbilical cord was cut, and you are now a separate person from your mom. Well, obviously to us, anyway--she might not realize it! Therefore, you are the one who gets to make choices about deeply personal things like what you do with your body.

(This is as much a pep talk for me as for you....
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I don't really have any advise but I just wanted to offer you some sympathy. My mom tends to get defensive too if I try to stand up for myself and get her to see my views, I wish I could be more helpful.

My Dd is very independent, as told to me by almost everyone we meet
and she nursed until 37 months and still sleeps with us now at 3.5 Hope this makes you feel a bit better.
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My mother sounds JUST LIKE yours. She is very supportive of most of my choices, but things like BF but only til 1 yr. I mostly don't care and it doesn't bother me...but when she starts getting on my nerves about things I resort to things like "WHO actually recommends..." or "our Dr. recommends" etc. You could try that.
I have noticed that many women are supportive of nursing right up to whatever age their kids weaned. My dr. was great until around a year because her kids weaned at 11 months. My mom was all for it until 9 months because that's when she weaned the one of us that nursed the longest(although honestly it didn't bug her until after a year). *Her* mom bugged her (in the late 50's and early 60's) to at least give us some water for goodness sake.

I've taken the blithely chatting on about it as if I didn't hear the criticism. It seems to work and gives my mom a conversational out when she realizes I'm not taking the advice.

It drives my mom bonkers that my 3.5 year old still nurses, but she just doesn't say anything about it anymore. Congrats on a whole year of nursing #2! Happy birthday to your little one.
You know, I've really just decided to ignore what ANYONE else says about my parenting unless I specifically asked for their advice (like on these forums, for example). I know, she's your mom and now that you're a mom you want to be able to share that with her, ask her for advice, get her input ... but truly, if she doesn't support your parenting choices, it's her issue. KWIM? I'm not trying to be obnoxious, just saying that you can't take on her issues.

Okay, so ... perhaps you could do as PP mentioned, and just kind of talk through the comments like you didn't even really hear what she had to say. Maybe she'll eventually get the hint. Sounds like she's doing something of the sort to you, if the direct approach doesn't work with her.

to you mama. Keep doing what YOU know to be the right thing for yourself and your DC. You're the one who needs to be happy with your choices.
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When my mother started in on me about co-sleeping, not circing our son etc, I asked her point blank " Did you do everything your mother said when it came to me?" She said " Of course not!!"
I rest my case.... :LOL

She and Dad stay out of it now- they know that as long as we aren't "endangering" his life that they have no standing to intervene. They may grit their teeth, but at least now they keep their yaps shut

to you, Mama.
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I second Cajun Mama's approach. I looked at my mother at one point and said "Do you remember how annoying it was when your mother told you how to raise your kids?" She hasn't said much since then. Although I will say that I tried to be more diplomatic first, but when I had had enough, this worked.

Hang in there, remember that you are doing what is best for you, your children, and your family, which is what you should be doing. She tried to do the same with hers, but now its your turn.
I don't know if this would only add fuel to the fire with your mom, but what I've found seems to help is that when I take one of my mom's suggestions that seem reasonable, I make sure to give her positive feedback on how helpful her idea was, so she doesn't feel like I'm rejecting everything she has to say when I disagree with her POV in other areas. It seems to make her back off a bit. Of course, it's usually about more trivial things than bf'ing!
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