16m old screeching.

My DD went through a screeching phase a while back. As a rule I ignored screeching or in the case of loud incessant demands I'd often answer back in a whisper.

My theory is that my daughter didn't have any incentive to stop being loud and demanding if the loud and demanding got results. I would, however, try and answer promptly any nicely said or gentle requests. (My dd at 16 months was not nearly that verbal, but has always been very clear on getting her wants and needs addressed.)

Maybe sit down before going out to eat and talk about what type of table etiquette you expect? Please? Thank yous? Or what about setting it up as a game? Have a whispers only meal. (Your older child can help set the stage for it by modeling soft answers and requests.) Maybe once in a while indulge the desire to be loud, and have a LOUD playful meal at home?

My daughter is now 18 months... and honestly she rarely screeches anymore. Although. I thought the day would never come. lol.

I think it's just experimenting w/ communicating. She's learned that she can make those sounds with her voice/mouth, and like the pp said, if it gets results, she'll keep doing it.

From the beginning, I've been saying things to dd like "we don't yell, we use our talking voice." I say "we" b/c I don't want her to think that she can't but the rest of us can. I think that this has worked for us w/ this issue and with others ("we walk in the grocery store," "we pet the dog gently,", etc.). I try my best to keep it positive so I'm not saying "we don't" do this, that, everything.

Perhaps you could try using this strategy at home where you won't feel like you have to get her to stop b/c of the other people around. I find that my tolerance for behavior that I don't approve of or is unsafe goes way down when we're out & about.

And I like the idea of talking to dd about what you expect of her out. I am very big on talking to my dd about what needs to happen and explaining thngs to her, on a level she can mostly understand.

Good luck,
Sus

My son was a loud child when he was that age. It's like they try and compensate for their size with their volume

The key is to try and work these things out at home. Once you get to the restaurant there is too much pressure on you to be able to handle it well.

I taught my ds to whisper at home. I would whisper to him and encourage him to whisper back. When he was good at it we used our new "secret language" to talk when we went to the grocery store. When she yells, not responding to her the way she wants definately gets your point across. You don't have to ignore her, but you could cover your ears (quite dramatically since drama is what most 16 month olds understand ) and say "Ouch! That loud voice hurts my ears!" or you could just say "I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I couldn't understand what you said because it was such a loud voice". If you do that, though, you need to be committed to it because after she's yelled the same thing at you three times it's so easy to just give her what she wants because it really does start to hurt your ears. But if you continue she'll learn that quieter voices is how we communicate. It might also be good to recognize that she's feeling so so so excited right now but she'll have to be just a little quieter. When you're at home you can have a meal (real or pretend) and use what we call our exquisite manners - kind of overly exaggerated manners. She will think it's funny and try to copy you. Then you can take her to a less formal restaurant (I don't know what kind of restaurant it was that you went to), say like McDonalds (even if it's just to order a juice or milk) and practice. Just make sure you go during a quiet time, like Sunday morning. If there are a bunch of other kids there acting up, she'll be less likely to use her 'exquisite' manners.

Good luck!

Mmmmm, I should also mention the 'ignoring' tactic doesn't work, which is part of why I'm at a loss.

As part of being HN, she is extremely persistent. When going around the store, with her, she spent 15-20 minutes yelling "DADA, DADA, DADA", b/c daddy was shopping with my oldest in a different part of the store, and she wanted to see daddy. She's the type of child where if ya tried CIO with her, it would never work... she'd scream indefinitely....(haven't tried, but that's her personality)... the type if you ignore a tantrum it goes on 10x longer than if you pick her up and comfort her.

Plus, the yelling in a car... how do we curb that?? In that case it isn't a matter of giving in to what she wants, b/c it isn't that she is requesting anything... she is just being LOUD.... ear-piercingly loud. That's 10x worse than being out with her, b/c then the noise is confined to a loud space.

Tammy

We've been in and out of this phase several times over the last year (ds is now 26 months). It gets on my very last nerve. We have not found a single tactic that works every time. Our first act is usually to ask him to use a quiet voice (using a quiet voice ourselves, to show what we mean), and to say "yelling hurts people's ears!" If repetition of this request gets no response, and we are in a place where it won't really drive others nuts, we ignore it. If we are in a closed-in public place (like a restaurant), we'll take him outside for a while or redouble our efforts to distract him from yelling by engaging him in an interesting activity. He often screeches in the car, which makes me just bonkers. I have been known to turn up the car radio rather loud to drown him out! Once or twice, I confess, I have also found myself yelling at the top of my lungs, "STOP YELLING!!!" Mostly I just try to get through it, and remind myself that he will not be a screecher forever....

Good luck to you! I can relate to the frustration!

Like a pp said, I think responding to your dc in a whisper and trying to get her to copy you, as often as possible, might help. She is still a baby, so I wouldn't put a lot of pressure on, but I think I'd probably do something like this:

DC: FOOOORK I WANT FOORK!!
me, whispering: you want a fork?
(really emphasize whisper with big smile like it's a game) say " i want a fork"
DC copies, we hope
I give fork after DC copies

and so on. If DC doesn't copy, I don't push it at all. Too young for a power struggle.

I just want to say thank you for being willing to work on this with your DC. I have known parents whose kids were so freakin' loud and as far as I could tell, never tried to help them tone it down. I am very sensitive to loud noise so I'm not the best judge, but I sure wish they'd made a little effort. Spending long visits was a skull-bursting experience.