[AFWife]

The boys in my DH's family have a history of "I have to do it my way" mentality. Honestly, it's one of the things I love about my DH (and he takes my thoughts into consideration more now that we're married

)

We're living with my in-laws right now (money issues) and his 16yo youngest brother is still at home....and driving me up the wall.

He won't take ANYTHING I say into consideration. For example: He got bitten on the face by a spider and it swelled. (He also picked at it and it got infected) Yesterday, when he complained about the pain I asked if he'd taken anything (yes) and told him to put ice on it. I got, "Ice doesn't work for me" in reply...and then more complaining about pain. The next time I said, "Try putting ice on it." He said, "Ice didnt' help when it happened to my leg." (spiders love him) AND CONTINUED TO COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING IN PAIN. After a while I got frustrated and snapped at him.
I've also been saying ALL DAY "Wash your hands constantly and don't touch your face at all if you can help it" and I get comments like "but I'm not touching the actual bite" or whatever.

Maybe I just did things differently when I was a teen...but it's really starting to get on my nerves. I feel like he's treating me like I don't know anything. It kind of hurts my hormone fueled feelings...

 

[alegna]

I'd just ignore him for now and not offer any helpful tips...

-Angela

 

[CarrieMF]

I'd offer the tip once, if he complains then tell him to stop complaining if he won't listen. Then I"d ignore him.

 

[Cherie2]

lol, he sounds like my son. knows everything - can't tell him a thing! i have quit trying

I tell him once what i suggest then thats it ... if he wants to whine and complain i just give him a hug or a pat in sympathy ... because that is all i can figure he is looking for at that point.

 

[Ruthla]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarrieMF I'd offer the tip once, if he complains then tell him to stop complaining if he won't listen. Then I"d ignore him.

:

 

[dancindoula]

My HUSBAND can be that way sometimes. :eyeroll: I've learned to ask the basic questions: did you take xxx, put ice on, etc? When he inevitably says no the next question is "do you intend to do anything about your pain?" When he (again inevitably) says no the only response I can offer is "sorry, if you don't actually want to do anything to help it then you don't get to complain." Sounds harsh, I know, but with him it's really the only thing that stops the endless whinging about whatever it is. Oh, and sympathy and kindness and all that touchy-feely stuff is always good too.

 

[Cherie2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dancindoula Oh, and sympathy and kindness and all that touchy-feely stuff is always good too.

lol ... you know i used to get so irritated when people would not follow my advice and then complain .... but as i have grown to learn that what other people do is outside of my self (the four agreements and all that) I have become so much more relaxed about it ... he just wants some sympathy ... and that is ok ...

 

[MusicianDad]

I just tell people like that "If your not willing to try and make it better, then don't complain to me!"

 

[LionTigerBear]

I wouldn't offer unsolicitied advice at all. I HATE unsolicited advice-- don't you? When people complain about something, usually they're looking for reassurance and compassion, not solutions. If they want solutions, they usually ask for that specifically.

 

[Linda on the move]

My DH can be the same way too! You learn to tune it out after awhile.

The thing you need to let go of is your need to fix it. He doesn't want help fixing it.

 

[Cherie2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicianDad I just tell people like that "If your not willing to try and make it better, then don't complain to me!"

really? don't you ever just want to complain?

 

[MusicianDad]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cherie2 really? don't you ever just want to complain?

Um... not not really. I only complain if somethings wrong and the person I'm complaining to is the one that can fix it. Otherwise there's no use. Particularly if the only person who can do something is the person complaining.

 

[Cherie2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicianDad Um... not not really. I only complain if somethings wrong and the person I'm complaining to is the one that can fix it. Otherwise there's no use. Particularly if the only person who can do something is the person complaining.

Oh, because somtimes I just want somebody to give me a hug and let me know they care.

 

[MusicianDad]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cherie2 Oh, because somtimes I just want somebody to give me a hug and let me know they care.

If that's all I want then that's what I say.

Works surprisingly well.

 

[Cherie2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicianDad If that's all I want then that's what I say. Works surprisingly well.

You make a good point.. but sometimes when i am miserable, I don't quite know how to find the words

 

[MusicianDad]

"Hug please?"

 

[Cherie2]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MusicianDad "Hug please?"

thanks, i am going to try to remember that next time

 

[MusicianDad]

 

[mtiger]

I'd *maybe* offer a suggestion once, and then leave it be.

 

[Linda on the move]

I just noticed something, in your title you referenced his "strong will." That doesn't make sense unless you see yourself as an authority in his life, as someone who he is supposed to listen to and do what he is told. That just ain't so. He doesn't have any more reason to do what you tell him than I have to do as my sil's tell me.

let it go.