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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have a 1,5 year old DS who has been a high needs child since the very beginning. Sleep deprivation has been the main thing for us. I also work full-time again now (after a one-year maternity leave) and have been pretty exhausted trying to combine everything. My DP works crazy hours and I do most of the childcare. He helps whenever he can, but I am basically responsible for the mundane things like cooking, cleaning house, feeding DS (which can take forever!),etc.

For the past few months, I have been co-sleeping with DS and he (and I!) sleeps much better. So I have been relatively rested these days. Yet it seems like my sex drive has vanished since DS was born. I bresfed him until 13 months and I thought this was due to BF. But my drive hasn't come back even when I stopped. I just have no mood for sex whatosoever... In the evening, when I put DS to bed, all I want to do is watch a movie (well, part of it - I am too exhausted to go through a whole movie!), eat and go to bed with DS...

My partner feels a bit left out. We do things together and have a good relationship overall but the sexual side of it has somehow vanished.

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel a bit :crying:
 

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Yep, it's definitely tough. You are doing a lot of the childcare and housework and with a DP with crazy hours it can be tough to find time just to be together. Sounds pretty normal to me. We haven't been very good about finding the time either. We went away for 1 night for the first time for our anniversary and it was really nice to be alone together in a nice hotel room and just relax together. I don't have the answers for you but I empathize.
 

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I think this is pretty normal. Hormones are part of it but also just being so busy and being touched a lot throughout the day leaves some women feeling like they just want to be alone in their own skin. One thing that has helped us is to have a regular expected night - I know this sounds really unromantic but it has really helped us. My dh knows that even if we don't connect throughout the week, he can still look forward to Saturday night. And for me, I can try to use "mental strategies", (lol) to get myself ready for Saturday night. Even if I don't feel like it and I'd really rather read a book or go to sleep, I still take a long bath, get something pretty on, light some candles, etc. And afterward, I am always so glad I did. We do have spontaneous times as well but if i just relied on me being in the mood, we would go way too long without it. So I guess what I'm saying is, sometimes you just have to do it in order to make it happen. :)
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you both for the replies! We do schedule it sometimes too. And reschedule, and reschedule often times :) not only are we both too exhausted, but it took us 1,5 year of scheduled ttc (and an ivf eventually) to have DS. I sometimes think that we lost the spontaneous part of it somehow...
 

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@dimis That makes a lot of sense. Fertility issues can definitely make things more difficult. The good thing is now there's no pressure to conceive, you can just enjoy being together and reconnecting.
 

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I've been there. Right down to the scheduled sex, and the IVF. And here I am with a nearly 3 year old and a 9 year old, and mine still hasn't quite returned.... After my older child was born it took a while. She was nearly 4 - she had stopped nursing, I was sleeping better, and I was able to get regular exercise. Before that I think that if I am not getting enough sleep, then I am not interested in sex. :shrug I think it is pretty normal for it to be rocky for a while, especially early on - your hormones are still settling out.
 
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