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Discussion Starter #1
Anyone else?<br><br>
I am planning to SAH but not until the baby is born, so I am in a position where I have to tell work. I'm already 18 weeks along and still haven't gotten up my gall yet.<br><br>
I'm scared mainly because I'm new to this position but not the company. I was hired last summer and then displaced/transferred through no fault of my own. I will be FMLA and disability eligible and all that since my hire date was last July.<br><br>
I found out I was pg a week into it. I'm afraid that when I tell, they'll decide I'm not committed to the position, try to pull some shenanigan like I always read about, or just get generally mean and snippy with me because of their disappointment. The idea was to work the first job for 3-4 mos or so and then become pg, but then the displacement happened and all, so this isn't a case of me taking a job just for the maternity leave and days off, etc. But it's going to look like it to them.<br><br>
I'm not showing enough yet to make telling urgent, although i'm definitely getting plump in the middle. I think if anyone notices, they figure it's the candy and snacks we get handed all the time or whatnot.<br><br>
I'm also afraid that they'll be disappointed in me for not telling them first.<br><br>
I have been treated poorly in a job before, and not to the point where it was illegal, just where the woman decided from day one that she wasn't going to like me, and made me scared to approach her, make mistakes, come to work, etc. If I disappoint these people with my pregnancy, I'm scared that this will happen again, esp since i work for a woman who is sort of a loose cannon (she was totally cool for the first few weeks, then royally told me off in an email once over a misunderstanding because SHE was stressed out).<br><br>
Can people share their work-telling experiences, whether you planned to leave or come back after baby? How long did you wait, and what was the reaction?
 

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I'm sorry for your dilemma..<br><br>
I actually/ironically was laid off from my position that I only had for 10mths, due to a "business decision".. I was working for a RN, in a workers comp office,..<br><br>
Anyway. I got laid off 3 days after finding out.. For me it was nothing to do w/ the pregnancy, but was ironic...<br><br>
A few mths later, I was hired by the insurance company itself. Around 22wks. They were smart and knew I was pregnant and only hired me as a temp.. Since I was a temp, I didn't pay into disability. And irony struck again and I was put on bed rest at 31wks.. I got royaly screwed and couldn't apply for disability or unemployement.. (this really put us in debt)<br><br><br><br>
****My only advice is to kinda fudge things a bit.. I'd tell your boss, before co-workers find out.. I'd even personally tell her, something like your sorry it's bad timing, and it wasn't planned and that you are looking into daycares already.<br><br>
Give her the absolute idea that you'll be back withing the 6/8wks. You can always turn around and say, there is a problem, and oops i have to apply for FMLA. She doesn't need to know your actual intentions. Since I've also worked w/ very catty women in offices before, stick to your guns and tell the the exact same story to everyone, even your closes friends.. From experience, there has always been someone I know, who likes to rat on fellow co-workers.. You never want you boss to hear something from an employee... If you stick w/ the same story, then she sees you as honorable, and even if you can't return after 6/8wks, at least she knows you are dependable..<br><br>
Hope that helps... Best of luck and keep us posted.
 

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Discussion Starter #3
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Give her the absolute idea that you'll be back withing the 6/8wks. You can always turn around and say, there is a problem, and oops i have to apply for FMLA. She doesn't need to know your actual intentions. Since I've also worked w/ very catty women in offices before, stick to your guns and tell the the exact same story to everyone, even your closes friends.. From experience, there has always been someone I know, who likes to rat on fellow co-workers.. You never want you boss to hear something from an employee... If you stick w/ the same story, then she sees you as honorable, and even if you can't return after 6/8wks, at least she knows you are dependable..</td>
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Actually my company grants 4 mos off to everyone who's worked more than a year (it's a huge corporation so by law they have to grant FMLA, plus they give 4 extra weeks), and as far as I know, everyone takes it. is there a reason you're suggesting just asking for 6-8? (as in, does it look better to just do that and then FMLA later?) I'm open to any suggestion.<br><br>
I will definitely tell everyone the same story--in this office stuff will get around! I'm actually surprised none of the gossipy ladies here have noticed the belly, but again, they probably figure I'm just fat, hehe!
 

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OH, I didn't know you get that much leave... Oh, that is so awesome... No I figured you'd have to do the standard 6/8 wk maternity leave, and then apply for FMLA...<br><br><br>
No, I would take what they give you.. By law, and by the standards that your company sets forth, Your boss shouldn't be surprised that you'll be gone the 4mths.<br><br>
This 4mth leave, is your salary paid in full?
 

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Discussion Starter #5
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">This 4mth leave, is your salary paid in full?</td>
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Sadly, no. 6 weeks of the disability are paid, and I'm being conservative with my days off and family care days so that I'll get 4 work weeks of that paid. Still, 10 weeks of pay isn't too shabby--just not quite Canada yet. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I know so many folks say it's dishonest to do this....to take the pay and not intend to return, so I do feel guilty at times. But I also know that you need to look out for #1 and the baby as well, so extending our income as long as possible to the end of 2007 will accomplish that! I don't want my check cut off the day the baby arrives. Plus I'll have the option of still being with the company and coming back if finances do dictate (like say DH is laid off or gets a huge paycut or something).<br><br>
We had a baby shower for a coworker today and with all the joking about who's "next," that gave me such the urge to tell. Everyone has been very supportive of her, and she is so cool that she even registered for cloth diapers and a nursing blanket! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I think you are making the right decision... I don't really think it's that dishonest.. To be honest, any corporation would stab anyone in the back, if they needed it.. And like you said, you never know if you'll need to return, so looking at it that way you are still an employee<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
You do have to look out for yourselves.. For me, I intended to work until 36 wks, with my son's pregnancy.. Like I said before, I got laid off at 6wks... We were hoping to save about 10k and then when my son was born, I could work part-time... Well since I couldn't work, and then got a job at 22 wks, only to lose it at 31... We never got back on our feet... We wiped our savings.. And then when my son was 8mths old, I was diagnosed w/ breast cancer.....<br><br>
So I know all to well, on how fast $$ goes, no matter how much you have saved....<br><br>
You are making the right decision, and you guys are smart to think of the "what if's" cause you never know...
 

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Discussion Starter #7
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I think you are making the right decision... I don't really think it's that dishonest.. To be honest, any corporation would stab anyone in the back, if they needed it.. And like you said, you never know if you'll need to return, so looking at it that way you are still an employee</td>
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Exactly!! The displacement last fall was the second time a company threw me and people I was working with out without any warning (the first time, a long-term temp job got "outsourced" to India after I was promised a permanent job). I feel that if they can have a clause saying "at-will, can let you go for any reason without a reason," then I don't owe them anything emotionally or financially.
 

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IMO, as long as there is a possibility you could go back, it is fine not to tell them your plans to SAH. After all, there is no telling what *could* happen in those four months to make you change your mind.<br><br>
Just my two cents, and we all know how much that buys these days . . .<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Slightly OT, but I can't believe they can't TELL you are pg. I'm 18 weeks also, and just last week another couple was standing near my dh and me and the guy turns, points to my tummy, and says, "Seven months, right?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
This must be your first pg. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Good luck!<br>
Tracy
 

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With my DD I told them I was returning after 6 weeks. Companys are in the business to make money and will only look out for the company. You have to look out for yourself because they certainly aren't going to. Sure, people were pissed (namely one other girl in the same position as I with a different boss - she then got pregnant shortly thereafter (not planned either and by a coworker!). But whatever. I knew my boss would screw me before he screwed the company so there was no way I was going to take any chances.<br><br>
Oh, and I told them early in the pregnancy because of morning sickness and being gone for MW appts.
 

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Discussion Starter #11
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Wugmama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7972475"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Slightly OT, but I can't believe they can't TELL you are pg. I'm 18 weeks also, and just last week another couple was standing near my dh and me and the guy turns, points to my tummy, and says, "Seven months, right?" <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
This must be your first pg. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
Good luck!<br>
Tracy</div>
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Yep, first one, and I'm a Pilates person so I have pretty solid abs that aren't stretching easily yet. I definitely have a belly, but not on that says "pregnant." It could just as easily be one that says "Too much Dunkin Donuts," although I don't have the accompanying double chin that normally comes with my weight gain.<br><br>
They will be able to tell soon though. We had a jeans Friday yesterday, and in the bathroom I realized how big it is starting to be. I think I"ll tell them after we get back from vacation next week.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">With my DD I told them I was returning after 6 weeks. Companys are in the business to make money and will only look out for the company. You have to look out for yourself because they certainly aren't going to. Sure, people were pissed (namely one other girl in the same position as I with a different boss - she then got pregnant shortly thereafter (not planned either and by a coworker!). But whatever. I knew my boss would screw me before he screwed the company so there was no way I was going to take any chances.</td>
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My thoughts exactly!!
 
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