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<p>DS is i 2 1/2 and DS #2 will be born any day. It's also been stressful in the house b/c DH is out of work and I've been working full time.</p>
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<p>we've been using all of the 'happiest toddler..." techniques to try to help him through this stage, but it is wearing me down completely! He basically doesn't want to do anything--change a diaper, change out of or into pajamas, brush his teeth, get in the car, eat..... etc., etc.</p>
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<p>I understand that having a strong will is a good thing-- but how will we make it through this? I feel like I've been trying everything in that Harvey Karp book.</p>
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<p>Anyone have a similar situation....? ideas?</p>
<p>Thanks mamas.</p>
 

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<p>Im right there with you with our 2.5 DD. I never finished happiest toddler on the block book I guess I need too. DD doesn't want to do anything I ask either, tells me NO all the time, has been hitting me when she get s mad although not in an aggresive way she's very soft when she hits but still. She has also been very challenging when I tell her not to do something and giving me the stern looks I usually give her. I really don't know what to do. It's been a very frustrating time.</p>
 

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Discussion Starter #3
<p>i'm losing my mind with it. it is a complete battle every night just to get ready for bed. He used to go down so easily.</p>
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<p>ideas, anyone?</p>
 

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<p>I never read that book, so I don't know what techniques are used.  </p>
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<p>I just got a reward chart and DD gets stickers when she 'sets the table', 'cleans up her toys'.... there is another sticker for 'parent helper', so everything else falls into that category.  </p>
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<p>It works about 25% of the time, but it also helps her snap out of her super defiant moments to at least be able to have a conversation about things.  I am finding 2.5 very challenging (I also have a 3 month old).  Food is also a big motivator for DD1.  Unfortunately, we do time out for anything violent to DD2.  It is a mixed bag.  </p>
 

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<p>To the OP:</p>
<p>Sounds like transitions are the hardest?</p>
<p>We took a chapter from Waldorf traditions and use songs or verses to do our transitions, especially as DD gets old enough to assert herself and her clear desire not to do whatever transition we are attempting. </p>
<ul><li>For diaper changes:  she has the choice of the bed or the floor, and then we sing "John The Rabbit" (youtube the Elizabeth Mitchell version, it's awesome!) which has a part that she can sing too.  This is working for us so far.</li>
<li>For toothbrushing:  We have a song that we sing, plus she can brush her own teeth <span style="text-decoration:underline;">after</span>, and her Bear's teeth too. </li>
<li>For getting into pajamas:  story and nursing come <span style="text-decoration:underline;">after</span>, so that works as an incentive.</li>
<li>For getting out of pajamas:  an outing comes <span style="text-decoration:underline;">after</span>, so that works as an incentive.  I also don't push this one.  If she wants to wear her pj's all day, so be it.</li>
<li>For getting into the car:  we have a song that we sing, and she can bring one small 'special friend' (treasured Schleich animal) into her big girl seat with her.  If it's both DP and I in the car, one of us will sit back there with her and read stories or provide snacks. </li>
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<p>I was a huge fan of The Happiest Baby on the Block, but his toddler book left me with a sour taste in my mouth.  I don't think of toddlers as little savages.  I do find that offering choices whenever possible (limiting choices to two), using clear language and lowering your tone when you mean business, getting down at her level, and most importantly <span style="text-decoration:underline;">giving lots of time and following a predictable daily rhythm</span> helps immensely. </p>
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<p>Good luck!  DD is almost two, so we might be facing a more challenging road down the line when she gets to be your child's age ... time will tell!</p>
<p>Congratulations on the new baby!  I'm guessing that your first born is probably sensing the change in the atmosphere as your family and household prepare for the new addition.</p>
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<p>ETA: Is he getting enough physical exercise and outside time during the day to be tired enough at night?  What about shifting his nap to be earlier, or shortening it?  Limiting screen time before bed (and any other transition for that matter) so that he's not over-stimulated and sad to be saying goodbye to whatever show he was watching?  Minding his sugar intake in the hours leading up to bedtime?  You've probably thought of all of these, but just thought I'd throw them out there in case. </p>
 

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<p>I haven't read the book and DD is only 2.2 so don't know if I'll be much help, but a few things I do when she won't cooperate - I have basically given up my ideals against bribery and 1/2 the time bribe her with a biscuit to get in the car seat.  That's one thing that's a lot easier with a bribe, she gets the biscuit when she's sitting down and strapped in properly.  Often she will ask for one, sometimes she doesn't - if we're going out immediately after having a snack I generally don't give her one and try to distract her with songs etc, but more often then not she gets a biscuit.  Not ideal but it saves a lot of stress.  If i put her in the seat and she wo'nt sit down I warn her that she'll only get a biscuit when she's strapped in etc and it almost always works very quickly.  I've also recently started telling her that I'll count to 3 and then X will happen - I only use this when I've tried everything else, but she is starting to understand and cooperate.  I just have to make sure that I choose something (call it a threat or a consequence as you like!) that I'm going to follow through on - e.g. you need to be in your room by the time I count to 3 otherwise I'll carry you in myself (which she doesn't want me to do).  Usually she will then cooperate, if not I'll carry out the consequence and she'll have a tantrum but so be it, there's only so much time I'm prepared to spend attempting to get her PJs on!</p>
 

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<p>Hi thanks for the replies! we had DS #2 on Sunday morning...so I haven't checked back. As predicted, the defiance has only gotten worse with the new change--a new baby brother. I'm feeling extremely frustrated right now with it all-- trying to do everything right and feeling like a failure. I'm going to check on the gentle discipline forum too.</p>
<p>Thanks for the ideas Starling& Diesel--songs as transitions do help with DS ....I'll try more of these. Unfortunately, the 'incentives' don't seem to work anymore for us--.</p>
<p>At this point, I'm at a loss of where to start b/c I feel like he's gone down this path. I know each day is new....ugh. And we, too, Zimbah resort to some 'rewards'!</p>
 
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